This is me calling you out.
This is going to be REALLY long. But worth the read.
Rawr. Why do I have to be so damn complicated.
Honestly. I'm just fuckin weird. That is all.
I've gone SO long holding myself back.
But for once in my life. I'm going to say everything I have been thinking for the past...
Idk. 6 months. so lets see. This will be as short as possible.
People get this impression that I'm a bitch.
Only because well... I can act like a bitch.
But trust me, I'm the person who puts you before me.
Even when I shouldn't.
I have these walls that cause bitchiness. Lets shoot them down.
Starting NOW.
I will start with about 6 months back.
Here are a few people that have changed me.
For the better or worse? You decide.
Alex
I was dating one of the nicest guys ever.
And he was someone I thought I could consider my best friends.
But time changes things. And people grow apart?
Lets just say. We don't really talk anymore.
I don't think many people know this. But I take full
responsibilty for the break up.
I'm saying this now. It was my fault.
I fucked things up from the beginning by not letting
people in. I was scared. And no matter what I did to try and
make things the way they should have been for him. I couldn't
(this prolly doesn't make sense to anyone but me but whatever)
I never really felt like myself. But yet at the same time I was
completly comfortable not being me. But eventually you have no
where else to run. So you hide. And that was me. Always hiding.
I've known him since the summer going into high school.
We don't really talk anymore. Tell me whos fault that is?
Idk. Could be mine because I don't put fourth an effort.
But believe it or not. I did it for him. He needs someone who
can show him how much she cares. And that person couldn't be me.
And I REALLY hope he found her. He deserves it.
Staci
6 months ago. My best best friend would be Staci. Hands down.
Hell 2 months ago even. But like I said things change. People change.
6 months ago I couldn't talk to anyone else but her.
And now. I feel like ... I can't talk to her about much anymore.
But I've learned you have to accept change. And adapt.
I still love Staci, don't get me wrong. It's just different.
I would die for her. That will NEVER change.
No matter how far we grow apart.. ever.
Leah
This is a really weird relationship. Leah and I.
Well. It's no secret. Leah and I used to..
Not get along so well. She was my best friend.
buut we would always argue. And before.
I never really felt like I could talk to her.
But now, things have changed. Who would think
that Leah and I would be as close as we are now?
Yeah. I never ever thought we would. But I love her.
And she loves me. haha. I don't really know what
caused this change. but I'm thankful for it.
She is such a strong person. Even if she doesn't know it.
These past months have been a little hard on her.
But she still is making her way through everything.
She came out a stronger person and I admire her for that.
I seriously look up to her. (shhh, I don't want her to know.)
Kayleigh
Honestly. Why doesn't this girl have a boyfriend?
One of the best personailitys. Ever.
And needless to say. She's hott.
Kayleigh and I have always been close.
And can always relate. That's why we will
always be friends. Till we die.
Just her being in the room, makes you smile.
Funniest person ever.
She's simply Amazing. There's no other way to describe her.
LeWis
Started talking to him almost 3 years ago. Hung out with him a lot.
Then didn't really talk to him for a while. Something that should have
never happend. LeWis is one of my best friends. Even if he doesn't
know it. People like to jump to conclusions and think it was more.
But it never was. Strictly friends. That's the way it will be. Always.
He's like a big brother. I have always been able to be myself
around him. And always been comfortable telling him anything.
He deserves to be happy and I seriously hope he gets everything
he wants outta of life.
Nick
Wow. Well. He already thinks I'm crazy. hah.
But he just doesn't know me. And honestly. I
can say that, it's not my fault. We were never
really seeing each other. But he made an impact on
my life whether he knows it or not. I don't really know
how he ever felt. Hah. I don't really know him.
But I do know how I felt.
I never really felt like I could trust someone so
fast as I could with him. That's not even what I want to say..
Hmnn. I never felt like I could be so comfortable being me
around someone. He was completly unexpected and came
at a really weird time. Like I said. I have these walls.
And after what I did to Alex. I was ALL ready to let them down.
Big Mistake.
I guess that's why I was so stuck on him.
I was more me then I had ever been. Until about 2 weeks ago.
Now it's weird.. well.. for me.
If you asked me what happend.
Good question.
I don't know.
But in all seriousness. I hope he's happy. No matter who he is with.
I'm the kinda girl who goes for the chase. I want what I can't have.
And as soon as I get it. I run. I hide. Lock the doors and throw away the key.
I'm gone, out the door, and there is no one that could catch me.
I want someone to save me from this.
I want to be the reason you're always smiling.
I want you to do the same for me.
I want someone who comes over, lays in my bed with me and wakes me up when I fall asleep at 4 in the afternoon.
I want someone who stops by my house to give me a hug on their way to work/wherever because they NEEDED to see me.
I want someone who would never question why they were with me.
I want someone who calls me at 5 in the morning because they couldn't sleep.
I want someone who can't keep their eyes off me when I'm standing in a room full of people.
I want someone to send me those txt's that say they miss me. Or tell me to have a good day.
I want someone who is sure of me.
I want to move on.
I've always been a strong person. And I guess this goes to show.
I'm different. 6 months ago. I wouldn't have been this open or this strong.
I don't care what you think about me.
I don't care if nobody responds. I wouldn't know how to comment on this either.
But if you have something to say to bring me down. Don't waste your time.
I'll delete it. I'll forget it. I simply wont care.
I've been there and back. I could do it again. I just choose not to.
Did I mention. Im SICK of people hating me SIMPLY because they DON'T know me. If you don't know me. Don't talk shit. If you have a conversation with me for more than 20 minutes and decided you don't like me. That's fine. We can't like everybody we talk to, and I understand that. But if you don't know me. Then my name shouldn't come out of your mouth. You wouldn't start talking about fricken world war II if you didn't know shit about it. right? So the same should go with people.
Rawr. Why do I have to be so damn complicated.
Honestly. I'm just fuckin weird. That is all.
I've gone SO long holding myself back.
But for once in my life. I'm going to say everything I have been thinking for the past...
Idk. 6 months. so lets see. This will be as short as possible.
People get this impression that I'm a bitch.
Only because well... I can act like a bitch.
But trust me, I'm the person who puts you before me.
Even when I shouldn't.
I have these walls that cause bitchiness. Lets shoot them down.
Starting NOW.
I will start with about 6 months back.
Here are a few people that have changed me.
For the better or worse? You decide.
Alex
I was dating one of the nicest guys ever.
And he was someone I thought I could consider my best friends.
But time changes things. And people grow apart?
Lets just say. We don't really talk anymore.
I don't think many people know this. But I take full
responsibilty for the break up.
I'm saying this now. It was my fault.
I fucked things up from the beginning by not letting
people in. I was scared. And no matter what I did to try and
make things the way they should have been for him. I couldn't
(this prolly doesn't make sense to anyone but me but whatever)
I never really felt like myself. But yet at the same time I was
completly comfortable not being me. But eventually you have no
where else to run. So you hide. And that was me. Always hiding.
I've known him since the summer going into high school.
We don't really talk anymore. Tell me whos fault that is?
Idk. Could be mine because I don't put fourth an effort.
But believe it or not. I did it for him. He needs someone who
can show him how much she cares. And that person couldn't be me.
And I REALLY hope he found her. He deserves it.
Staci
6 months ago. My best best friend would be Staci. Hands down.
Hell 2 months ago even. But like I said things change. People change.
6 months ago I couldn't talk to anyone else but her.
And now. I feel like ... I can't talk to her about much anymore.
But I've learned you have to accept change. And adapt.
I still love Staci, don't get me wrong. It's just different.
I would die for her. That will NEVER change.
No matter how far we grow apart.. ever.
Leah
This is a really weird relationship. Leah and I.
Well. It's no secret. Leah and I used to..
Not get along so well. She was my best friend.
buut we would always argue. And before.
I never really felt like I could talk to her.
But now, things have changed. Who would think
that Leah and I would be as close as we are now?
Yeah. I never ever thought we would. But I love her.
And she loves me. haha. I don't really know what
caused this change. but I'm thankful for it.
She is such a strong person. Even if she doesn't know it.
These past months have been a little hard on her.
But she still is making her way through everything.
She came out a stronger person and I admire her for that.
I seriously look up to her. (shhh, I don't want her to know.)
Kayleigh
Honestly. Why doesn't this girl have a boyfriend?
One of the best personailitys. Ever.
And needless to say. She's hott.
Kayleigh and I have always been close.
And can always relate. That's why we will
always be friends. Till we die.
Just her being in the room, makes you smile.
Funniest person ever.
She's simply Amazing. There's no other way to describe her.
LeWis
Started talking to him almost 3 years ago. Hung out with him a lot.
Then didn't really talk to him for a while. Something that should have
never happend. LeWis is one of my best friends. Even if he doesn't
know it. People like to jump to conclusions and think it was more.
But it never was. Strictly friends. That's the way it will be. Always.
He's like a big brother. I have always been able to be myself
around him. And always been comfortable telling him anything.
He deserves to be happy and I seriously hope he gets everything
he wants outta of life.
Nick
Wow. Well. He already thinks I'm crazy. hah.
But he just doesn't know me. And honestly. I
can say that, it's not my fault. We were never
really seeing each other. But he made an impact on
my life whether he knows it or not. I don't really know
how he ever felt. Hah. I don't really know him.
But I do know how I felt.
I never really felt like I could trust someone so
fast as I could with him. That's not even what I want to say..
Hmnn. I never felt like I could be so comfortable being me
around someone. He was completly unexpected and came
at a really weird time. Like I said. I have these walls.
And after what I did to Alex. I was ALL ready to let them down.
Big Mistake.
I guess that's why I was so stuck on him.
I was more me then I had ever been. Until about 2 weeks ago.
Now it's weird.. well.. for me.
If you asked me what happend.
Good question.
I don't know.
But in all seriousness. I hope he's happy. No matter who he is with.
I'm the kinda girl who goes for the chase. I want what I can't have.
And as soon as I get it. I run. I hide. Lock the doors and throw away the key.
I'm gone, out the door, and there is no one that could catch me.
I want someone to save me from this.
I want to be the reason you're always smiling.
I want you to do the same for me.
I want someone who comes over, lays in my bed with me and wakes me up when I fall asleep at 4 in the afternoon.
I want someone who stops by my house to give me a hug on their way to work/wherever because they NEEDED to see me.
I want someone who would never question why they were with me.
I want someone who calls me at 5 in the morning because they couldn't sleep.
I want someone who can't keep their eyes off me when I'm standing in a room full of people.
I want someone to send me those txt's that say they miss me. Or tell me to have a good day.
I want someone who is sure of me.
I want to move on.
I've always been a strong person. And I guess this goes to show.
I'm different. 6 months ago. I wouldn't have been this open or this strong.
I don't care what you think about me.
I don't care if nobody responds. I wouldn't know how to comment on this either.
But if you have something to say to bring me down. Don't waste your time.
I'll delete it. I'll forget it. I simply wont care.
I've been there and back. I could do it again. I just choose not to.
Did I mention. Im SICK of people hating me SIMPLY because they DON'T know me. If you don't know me. Don't talk shit. If you have a conversation with me for more than 20 minutes and decided you don't like me. That's fine. We can't like everybody we talk to, and I understand that. But if you don't know me. Then my name shouldn't come out of your mouth. You wouldn't start talking about fricken world war II if you didn't know shit about it. right? So the same should go with people.