(no subject)
I've decided that the only possible way that I'm ever going to get hurt is by allowing myself to be hurt. And I guess the same goes for everything. If you want to be happy you have be open and accepting of happiness. Sometimes it's easier to be hurt and feel sorry for yourself and be sulky. It's true, it's a damn lot more effort sometimes to really enjoy happiness, when being sulky and miserable is so easy to embrace. Sulky and miserable is no scheduled tasks, no socialising.. staying in bed with soup, tv and running mascara was never so much fun? It's easier, anyway. It's easier to eat junk food and feel like shit..than rushing home from work, spending 20 minutes in the bathroom to go out, using all your petrol, smoking all your cigarettes, shouting all your beer money, driving home and going to work 4 hours later. Either which way you choose will get you into a cycle..and once you're either one way or the other it takes a lot to swing you in the opposite direction.
I don't really have that much going for my next 3 weeks. I have no money, I'm in a job where I sit 3 metres away from my manager that I don;t get along with in the slightest, I seem to be falling out (at least a little) with my closest friends, all except for one who is moving even further away than she already is in a couple of months, I spend too much of my time thinking about a boy who was so incredibly different only a few months ago before 5-6 cones a day became a regular thing.. it's all pretty ..i dunno. But it's only 3 weeks, and fuck after that 3 weeks it's going to be so fucking good. I'm enjoying waking up to go to work and counting down the days. FRICK it's only a few more weeks till FALLS! and the end of full time work(for now) and the beginning of finally doing something with myself that will somehow get me (eventually) to where I want to be! and meeting new people, and spending what I have and not spending what I don;t have. No more saving all my money and putting it all into different accounts only to end up spending it and fucking myself over before I even know what I've done with it. Things are looking so far up. People are coming home. It's like the end of year 12 gone right. ahh it's brilliant. Blue skys.
Your black star are a band I wish I'd paid attention to the last few times I saw them live. Oh well.
Emma at work has one of those chocolate advent calenders that has a chocolate that you eat counting down everday until christmas. She's let me eat the chocolate for every weekend day that we're not here. that was a good entertaining 10 minutes at work today.
And I'm still at work! argh! I spent half an hour building up the freaking courage and excuses to be able to leave work half an hour early and just as I'm about to ask my boss tells me she's leaving early for the day! (We need at least 2 peolple int he department at once) so i'm stuck here sulking. But at least I have Your Black Star and this guy that does instrumental covers of Radiohead songs.
Hmm It's not so bad after all.
And if you've ever felt loved and lovely:
Love of mine some day you will die
but ill be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
just our hands clasped so tight
waiting for the hint of a spark
if heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisfied
illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
if there's no one besdi9e you
when your soul embarks
then i'll follow you into the dark
In catholic school as vicious as roman rule
i got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
and i held my tongue as she told me
"son, fear is the heart of love"
so i never went back
you and me have seen everything to see
from bangkok to calgary
and the soles of your shoes are all worn down
the time for sleep is now
it's nothing to cry about
cause we'll hold eachother soon
the blackest of rooms
if heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisifed
illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
ill follow you into the dark.
I don't really have that much going for my next 3 weeks. I have no money, I'm in a job where I sit 3 metres away from my manager that I don;t get along with in the slightest, I seem to be falling out (at least a little) with my closest friends, all except for one who is moving even further away than she already is in a couple of months, I spend too much of my time thinking about a boy who was so incredibly different only a few months ago before 5-6 cones a day became a regular thing.. it's all pretty ..i dunno. But it's only 3 weeks, and fuck after that 3 weeks it's going to be so fucking good. I'm enjoying waking up to go to work and counting down the days. FRICK it's only a few more weeks till FALLS! and the end of full time work(for now) and the beginning of finally doing something with myself that will somehow get me (eventually) to where I want to be! and meeting new people, and spending what I have and not spending what I don;t have. No more saving all my money and putting it all into different accounts only to end up spending it and fucking myself over before I even know what I've done with it. Things are looking so far up. People are coming home. It's like the end of year 12 gone right. ahh it's brilliant. Blue skys.
Your black star are a band I wish I'd paid attention to the last few times I saw them live. Oh well.
Emma at work has one of those chocolate advent calenders that has a chocolate that you eat counting down everday until christmas. She's let me eat the chocolate for every weekend day that we're not here. that was a good entertaining 10 minutes at work today.
And I'm still at work! argh! I spent half an hour building up the freaking courage and excuses to be able to leave work half an hour early and just as I'm about to ask my boss tells me she's leaving early for the day! (We need at least 2 peolple int he department at once) so i'm stuck here sulking. But at least I have Your Black Star and this guy that does instrumental covers of Radiohead songs.
Hmm It's not so bad after all.
And if you've ever felt loved and lovely:
Love of mine some day you will die
but ill be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
just our hands clasped so tight
waiting for the hint of a spark
if heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisfied
illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
if there's no one besdi9e you
when your soul embarks
then i'll follow you into the dark
In catholic school as vicious as roman rule
i got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
and i held my tongue as she told me
"son, fear is the heart of love"
so i never went back
you and me have seen everything to see
from bangkok to calgary
and the soles of your shoes are all worn down
the time for sleep is now
it's nothing to cry about
cause we'll hold eachother soon
the blackest of rooms
if heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisifed
illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
ill follow you into the dark.