Ugh!!!
So yesterday was real great.. Well kinda.. We never ended up going to Justines party like we were suppose to... Me and Laur got to thinking we really didnt want to go out that much anymore and Timmy wanted us to go to South Buffalo so we figured we'd go there because we knew Josh had a wedding to be at and there would be no fights and stuff because I really dont like starting problems and ruining peoples nights.. Well so we called Timmy but he never answered so we decided we were just gonna go out with everyone.. Well as soon as me Laur and Nicole got in front of Tims house Timmy calls and is like were coming to get you.. Well I felt bad because like we were right where everyone was and we said we were already going but Timmy was like Im on my way Im not turning around so I felt bad again so I was just like come get us.. Well later on we find out Timmy was def still at his house and he was lying to us but thats besides the point.. So anyways we hurried up and got away from the house before anyone saw us and I had to call Meg and tell her that me and Laur couldnt go out tonight because her mom found out we were going to the bar and now we had to stay in.. I felt so bad lying to her but me and Laur really didnt have no money left since we spent it at shopping so we really couldnt have went to the bar anyways because we usually woulda gave them like 5 or 10$ each since he gives us everything for free.. So anyways we get to Timmys.. who by the way was super drunk along with Mike Bittner and they def picked us up and I was so sure I was gonna die on the way to his house.. But anyways they def couldnt figure out how to turn the light off in his dads car.. They seriously sat there for 20 minutes trying to figure it out lol even know Laur tried to help them but they were like no dont touch that your wrong but we come to find out Laur was right and we woulda saved 20 minutes if they just listened lol.. Well so we went to the Spot and there was so many people up there.. there all such calm drunks it was nice thou like all our friends are super obnoxious and fight when we get drunk like theres no way we could have got all our friends to go out like that and have no fights.. So I was having fun and everything... And then guess what Josh showed up there.. and I was like okay thats fine ya know because I really dont hate Josh and I really havent talked to him in like 3 weeks I wouldnt have made a big deal about anything.. I was just going to avoid him.. So anyways me and Laur had to go to the bathroom at like 1 so Timmy was walking us out and like I got pushed.. Well I didnt know who it was so I was like Im sorry and it was Jenny but I just kept walking because I really didnt want no fights well I guess she like started saying stuff about me screaming and Laur grabbed me and made me keep walking.. I did real good thou I kept my mouth shut.. I think its all real dumb I mean I def did nothing to that girl and I really dont have a problem with her I dont even blame her for hating me because Josh is def a liar and makes me out to be this super bitch who is nastier then ever and Im so not.. So I just walked away and kept walking with Timmy and Laur and then like we hadda stop because Sacca was trying to drive his car and he was like super drunk and he wouldnt give his keys to no one.. So while they were arguing about that Jenny and her friends came up behind us.. So I guess someone was like just push her just push her and so I got pushed and I didnt do anything I just moved over because I didnt want to fight with her I just dont see the point of it.. None of this is worth it.. Me and Josh havent talked it should all be done with.. Well so then someone had beer and like they meant to throw it at me but they hit Laur.. So me and James Felschow started walking away because Laura wouldnt let me stay there because she didnt want me to say anything stupid.. So me and James went after Sacca because he ended up getting his keys and he ran to his car.. He was gone before we got there thou.. So anyways I guess while we were gone everyone was fighting and stuff.. and so Timmy and Laur came out and they were like we're leaving.. Well we hadda wait til James went back and got his sweatshirt.. Well while we were waiting Josh Jenny Stacey Christian and Im not sure who else started walking up.. And Jenny and Stacey came over to Timmy saying how they hate me and fuck her and stuff.. Well I have no idea who Stacey is or how she got into any of this but Jenny was just screaming and screaming.. and then Josh started flipping out and so Laura started screaming at Josh.. I felt so terrible I really didnt want any of this to happen.. Like seriously I hate causing problems and I hate having all this drama in my life... Timmy must like hate me more then anything.. I didnt want him to have to leave.. I told him it was really fine and that he could go back.. Well Jenny kept bringing up like how I threw scmirnoff in Joshs face.. but theres absolutely no way I could have I was sitting down the highest the schmirnoff went was his chest and I know for a fact it was on his shirt because the next day he told me I ruined his shirt.. Plus I dont remember throwing it and then some how me getting shoes thrown at me got brought up.. Like seriously I dont care that Josh threw shoes.. I been over that since it happened.. I dont carry things on I just drop it.. I really think what happened between me and Josh should just have stayed between me and him.. Like noone knows what really went on between us for those 6 months.. They dont know the things that were said or the things that happened.. And they definitely dont take a chance to hear me out... They all assume what Josh says is right but its not.. I dont hate Josh I never will no matter how nasty he is to me and I do feel terrible for throwing schmirnoff on him but I already apologized and theres nothing else I can do.. Josh knows that hes making me to sound terrible when Im not like that at all.. I hate fighting with people I hate all of this.. My life was way easier before I met him.. I seriously gave up so much for him and I forgave him so many times and like the one time I do something wrong I never hear the end of it.. Like I really dont think any of this is worth it.. If I knew ahead of time me talking to Josh Rogan was going to be so complicated and me have to deal with all of this I would have never answered my phone the first day he called me.. Im only 16 Im going to do things I regret and yea at times Im going to be immature.. Im not old enough to have everything figured out and I hate when people say I should be the one to grow up.. I seriously have had like more drama in my life this past year then ever before I think for everything that has happened to me I really do handle it pretty well for being 16 and Im going to make mistakes but I would never intentionally try to hurt someone and I feel terrible because I dont remember that night at the cabin I dont remember what I said or did I only know what people told me.. Thats why I dont blame Josh for hating me I may having been the nastiest person that night.. But I know Josh was nasty too and I get his friends are going to be mad but if they dont know the whole truth how can they sit there and flip out on me?? Like yea they say okay I want to hear the story.. Like whats the point.. I could sit here and tell them everything that ever happened between us but whats the point?? They're going to believe Josh no matter what.. Plus theres no point in bringing up things that happened weeks ago.. Im done with it.. Im over it.. Why is it still brought up.. Like seriously if Josh liked me even half as much as he said he did none of this would of happened.. He wouldnt have said the things he said or done the things he did.. This would have been done with.. Josh just really needs to seriously stop blaming this on me.. He knows I would never be the person he made me out to be and he knows that I would never go out of my way to hurt someone and ruin their life So I dont know why he would try to do it to me.. Josh is definitely completely different then I ever thought he was.. I never asked him to be my friend again.. and I dont expect him to be but Im really sick of having to put all the blame on me and make me feel like Im the only bad one.. I really just wish Josh would drop it.. I get that he hates me.. It dont have to be brought up everytime he sees me.. Im sorry for what happened.. But anyways Timmy Im really sorry for ruining your party last night.. I really tried to avoid them so nothing would happen.. Im really really sorry and I hope you arent mad at me.. But anyways on a good note I definitely beat Mike Bittner in TWO staring contests!! Tell me that aint amazing!! Haha talk to yous all later..