"Get too scared to jump, if I wait too long..."
Time is escaping me.
The past few weeks have been completely consumed by school. Everything is happening so fast that a good portion of it is just whizzing right past me. Last week, I realized that the due date for financial aid applications to Wayne State was March 1st. That means I had to get my ass in gear if I planned on going there at any point in time next year. I refuse to take any time off school, because I've already wasted too much. I applied a week ago for the Fall 2005 semester. I've had to work on/turn in something for Wayne every day this week. Applications, Scholarships, Essays, Loans, Registration...It never ends.
After I complete this semester, Wayne won't accept any more transfered credits from Macomb, so there is no turning back. I have developed a certain level of comfort at Macomb. It is frightening to think about leaving to go somewhere that is unfamiliar. As much as I despise change, another part of me is throughly excited to be advancing.
A friend of a friend lost his Father to Cancer yesterday. My heart goes out to him. Thinking about the death of a parent takes me back to the mindset I was in 6 years ago. I've been thinking a lot about what a profound effect that losing my Mother had on me. It changed my perspective on everything. It made me cynical, bitter, angry, careless, & hopeless. I lost faith in anything that I thought I had faith in before. I became withdrawn & emotionless. I appeared strong on the outside, while my insides withered away. I am still effected more then I ever care to discuss. I choose to push those memories to the gray area in my mind because it pains me too much to think about them.
I have moments of humbleness at the strangest times. I was putting away groceries when I realized how truly blessed I am. I thought about how thankful I was that I could afford to fill the refrigerator with food, how lucky I am that I never have to worry about being hungry, that I have a comfortable place to live, the opportunity to control the direction of my life, the ability to further my education, & how I am surrounded with the most amazing people that I ever could have asked for. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with emotion when I break things down in simpler terms/ideas.
There is so much to worry about, but I am at ease because I think that everything will be taken care of. Somehow, someway.
I am beginning to find peace.
The past few weeks have been completely consumed by school. Everything is happening so fast that a good portion of it is just whizzing right past me. Last week, I realized that the due date for financial aid applications to Wayne State was March 1st. That means I had to get my ass in gear if I planned on going there at any point in time next year. I refuse to take any time off school, because I've already wasted too much. I applied a week ago for the Fall 2005 semester. I've had to work on/turn in something for Wayne every day this week. Applications, Scholarships, Essays, Loans, Registration...It never ends.
After I complete this semester, Wayne won't accept any more transfered credits from Macomb, so there is no turning back. I have developed a certain level of comfort at Macomb. It is frightening to think about leaving to go somewhere that is unfamiliar. As much as I despise change, another part of me is throughly excited to be advancing.
A friend of a friend lost his Father to Cancer yesterday. My heart goes out to him. Thinking about the death of a parent takes me back to the mindset I was in 6 years ago. I've been thinking a lot about what a profound effect that losing my Mother had on me. It changed my perspective on everything. It made me cynical, bitter, angry, careless, & hopeless. I lost faith in anything that I thought I had faith in before. I became withdrawn & emotionless. I appeared strong on the outside, while my insides withered away. I am still effected more then I ever care to discuss. I choose to push those memories to the gray area in my mind because it pains me too much to think about them.
I have moments of humbleness at the strangest times. I was putting away groceries when I realized how truly blessed I am. I thought about how thankful I was that I could afford to fill the refrigerator with food, how lucky I am that I never have to worry about being hungry, that I have a comfortable place to live, the opportunity to control the direction of my life, the ability to further my education, & how I am surrounded with the most amazing people that I ever could have asked for. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with emotion when I break things down in simpler terms/ideas.
There is so much to worry about, but I am at ease because I think that everything will be taken care of. Somehow, someway.
I am beginning to find peace.