Letting Go
It's so easy to let go. I've noticed that, and I embrace it. At my pastor's wife's birthday party this past Saturday, I saw their bitchy daughter, Shelly, who lives in South Dakota. I said hello enthusiastically to her because it was a surprise to see her. She said a fleeting, uninterested "hello" to me without stopping to say hi or hug me, etc. From that point on, I put up a nonchalance wall, not really caring anymore. She was always a bitch when she lived with her parents years ago. My other pastor's daughter treated me like she didnt like me for years. Now I'm returning the favor to her, not acknowledging her presence much. We'll pass each other and I wont even as much look at her. The last time she bothered to talk to me was when she wanted me to refer her to a summer job I had taken. How nice of her to actually acknowledge my presence when she wants something.
Recently, I've just put up a nonchalance wall about so-called "friends." Years ago, I would have despaired over it, made attempts to repair the "weak" parts of our friendship, but that was when I was immature and seeking desperately to maintain so many friendships---in vain. Now, it's easy for me to just shut it out and not care. I'm tired of trying to be this great friend when others arent willing to make attempts. I'm tired of being afraid to say things, of caring too much, of thinking about people who seldom think of me. I'm me, and that's all I can be.
My mom was right: sometimes, having too many friends isnt a good thing.
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Work is going well. I'm bonding with a lot of my co-workers and getting to know them very well. Many of them are so supportive too in terms of helping me as I shadow them in the midst of my training to be an admissions counselor. Besides the fact that CUNY is understaffed, major changes in our outdated systems need to be changed, a lot of the part-timers are leaving, and that I have a million and one more things to learn (codes, protocol)...it's a picnic.