To Fail or Not to Fail...
I felt like a failure today. Ok, let me backtrack.
I agreed to become a substitute teacher when my co-teacher asked me. She didnt really give me much time to "think" about it, but I knew I was gonna take it anyway. I didnt know I was going to start today. I come in, expecting to still be teaching high school English when my co-teacher comes in and tells me that there was some miscommunication because I was supposed to start subbing today. I said I didnt think I was gonna start subbing yet because no one had told me I was. No one gave me the go to word. Everything worked out today anyway because they didnt need me to sub.
But today, it was officially confirmed that today was my last day teaching high school English. I threw a whole bunch of shit away that was useless. I didnt tell any of the classes that I wasnt going to be teaching them anymore, so they're expecting me to come in on Wednesday. I even had 9th grade today in class and gave them an assignment due Wednesday. Ha. To top it off, today was parent-teacher conference meetings. I'm like, oh great, I'm talking to the parents of my students and today is my last day...just great. I felt so fake because here I am, talking to the parents (who were all receptive and nice) about their son or daughter, and unbeknowst to them, technically, they are no longer my students. I wanted to tell them I wasnt gonna be their teacher anymore, but it would cause too much confusion. So basically, what I did was I just told them the truth about their son or daughter, and just gave them the impression that I was going to continue being their teacher. I'd rather have someone else break the news.
Alas, I shall say again, I feel like a failure. Like, I've had so many teaching jobs, and never have I been demoted. I've dealt with so many children, behaviors, parents, and I stuck it through the year. In this case, the control wasnt in my hand, and alot of decisions were made for me far before I even knew the next step. I dont know, somehow, I feel like I didnt try hard enough with the students or like I didnt discipline them hard enough. I feel like because I was replaced so quickly, I wasnt given enough time to show my true passion---English. But u know what, I cant cry over spilled milk. It's done. I think my co-teacher was a bitch at times, but I'm grateful I dont have to work with her anymore. I'll miss the high schoolers. They can be so sweet. I dont want to face making up an excuse of why I'm not teaching them anymore. I'll just wait til that time comes anyway.
My wisdom teeth are coming in...my back gums feel funny and hurt a lil. Woe is me.