just so much and so little at the same time
seriously i don't know where to start. i guess with the immediate. my right middle finger top knuckle (sp?) is hurting like a mother right now like i have arthritus or something.
sooo...i'm at a standstill with everything in my life right now. i got into this thing with mary last week where i really didn't mean it but the day had been so shitty and dissappointing (though no one knew) and i was tired and bitchy and i told her to shut up. and now i haven't talked to her since and i just feel really sick about it. i don't want to call cuz i'm scared but not doing anything feels worse. in the back of my mind i wish that writing here would solve everything and that maybe she'll read it and think that she misses me just as much as i miss her and have bigger balls than i do to call the other.
then there's the job issue. i've been interviewed at petco and i thought i did really good and the manager talked to me for a long time and my availability is open to close every day, i love animals and i'm 18. i really want the job but i'm so sure that i'm not going to get it because the manager was supposed to call me on friday (he said he'd definitely call me btw) and he never did so i called him today. he was so short with me! he said "i haven't called you because i haven't made a decision. when i do i will call you." so now that i've pestered him i don't have it. i know. you can just feel shit like this.
my mom has been so strict on me. she has been worse than ever before. if i don't spend time with her she gets upset and depressed and tries to make me feel guilty. in reality she's just pushing me away. i love her but i want my own freedom. i know a 12 o'clock curfew is better than others but i feel so confined that i end up lying to her to get out of the house away from her and to the arms of whom i love.
college is looming so close ahead. there are still so many things that i have to do. register. take placement exams. and orientation sucked assssssssss. it was such a complete waste of $75.
migraine. enough of the computer. plus i gotta piss really bad. adios computador.
sooo...i'm at a standstill with everything in my life right now. i got into this thing with mary last week where i really didn't mean it but the day had been so shitty and dissappointing (though no one knew) and i was tired and bitchy and i told her to shut up. and now i haven't talked to her since and i just feel really sick about it. i don't want to call cuz i'm scared but not doing anything feels worse. in the back of my mind i wish that writing here would solve everything and that maybe she'll read it and think that she misses me just as much as i miss her and have bigger balls than i do to call the other.
then there's the job issue. i've been interviewed at petco and i thought i did really good and the manager talked to me for a long time and my availability is open to close every day, i love animals and i'm 18. i really want the job but i'm so sure that i'm not going to get it because the manager was supposed to call me on friday (he said he'd definitely call me btw) and he never did so i called him today. he was so short with me! he said "i haven't called you because i haven't made a decision. when i do i will call you." so now that i've pestered him i don't have it. i know. you can just feel shit like this.
my mom has been so strict on me. she has been worse than ever before. if i don't spend time with her she gets upset and depressed and tries to make me feel guilty. in reality she's just pushing me away. i love her but i want my own freedom. i know a 12 o'clock curfew is better than others but i feel so confined that i end up lying to her to get out of the house away from her and to the arms of whom i love.
college is looming so close ahead. there are still so many things that i have to do. register. take placement exams. and orientation sucked assssssssss. it was such a complete waste of $75.
migraine. enough of the computer. plus i gotta piss really bad. adios computador.