hmm.. so last year?
haha, so it's christmas!
i'm having weird flashback to last year listening to this song with harji on repeat! and then i just remember last year like crazy.
i sort of go through pictures in my head while listening to this song, and some images fit completely. and then i get the feeling of that exact moment perfectly pumping through all my veins. and then, as quickly as it came, it leaves.
i have a little present for ben, but i dont know how to give it to him.
i also think that i am ready to be on my own in england for a while. i feel like i need a break from people. sitting at a cafe alone might be nice. or even just with people i dont know. mal, you were smart to go to china on a program with people you don't know at all.
i have also noticed my fear to connect too much to anyone lately. connections scare me. putting work into building bridges sucks when those bridges are finally torn. and i'm sick of putting effort into things for no reason. and right now, there seems to be little reason to put effort into them.
i need to see how much is in my bank account. i hope i only spent 200$ on christmas goodies. if so, I plan to spend maybe 100$ on things i need for london. (ie, new coat, a book of american poetry, music-oh god burn me cds for my trip!!, money belt, converter for my laptop/ipod, new shoes even?) let's just say i'll have to look at brown elephant.. hopefully there will be goodies for me.. maybe after christmas sales. maybe momma will help me..
i plan to read a lot. and maybe knit a little too. maybe i'll be a champion knitter. HOPEFULLY there will be a cute knitting shop down the road from where i live that i can go into all the time and become friends with the owners. i like the idea of becoming a regular at some place of business. it's nice and comforting. but still keeps me at a distance i guess..
AND, i've never knitted something and kept it for myself!!! so, that's my next project. something for me. i think a pretty pink/rose hat is what im gonna do. and i wish i could knit on the damn plane! but i dont think they allow that. although they are WOODEN needles. they are like pencils. maybe it will be okay. i will try to be inconspicuous.
anyways, this is my december rantings. now, to make a list of things i need for london, and then to gather some sweet cookie recipies from the internet to make!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE.
i'm having weird flashback to last year listening to this song with harji on repeat! and then i just remember last year like crazy.
i sort of go through pictures in my head while listening to this song, and some images fit completely. and then i get the feeling of that exact moment perfectly pumping through all my veins. and then, as quickly as it came, it leaves.
i have a little present for ben, but i dont know how to give it to him.
i also think that i am ready to be on my own in england for a while. i feel like i need a break from people. sitting at a cafe alone might be nice. or even just with people i dont know. mal, you were smart to go to china on a program with people you don't know at all.
i have also noticed my fear to connect too much to anyone lately. connections scare me. putting work into building bridges sucks when those bridges are finally torn. and i'm sick of putting effort into things for no reason. and right now, there seems to be little reason to put effort into them.
i need to see how much is in my bank account. i hope i only spent 200$ on christmas goodies. if so, I plan to spend maybe 100$ on things i need for london. (ie, new coat, a book of american poetry, music-oh god burn me cds for my trip!!, money belt, converter for my laptop/ipod, new shoes even?) let's just say i'll have to look at brown elephant.. hopefully there will be goodies for me.. maybe after christmas sales. maybe momma will help me..
i plan to read a lot. and maybe knit a little too. maybe i'll be a champion knitter. HOPEFULLY there will be a cute knitting shop down the road from where i live that i can go into all the time and become friends with the owners. i like the idea of becoming a regular at some place of business. it's nice and comforting. but still keeps me at a distance i guess..
AND, i've never knitted something and kept it for myself!!! so, that's my next project. something for me. i think a pretty pink/rose hat is what im gonna do. and i wish i could knit on the damn plane! but i dont think they allow that. although they are WOODEN needles. they are like pencils. maybe it will be okay. i will try to be inconspicuous.
anyways, this is my december rantings. now, to make a list of things i need for london, and then to gather some sweet cookie recipies from the internet to make!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE.