my ANGELic eulogy
I'm done with these statuses that we all write to justify how much love we had for someone. While they're heartwarming to read, nothing is coming out of me right - no sentence is fulfilling enough, and this will be my only attempt at one. Angel's death is untimely and tragic. Thank you to those who have asked me how I'm doing. It means a lot to me. Please be sure not to exclude her family and other close friends from your thoughts and prayers as well. For those messaging me, I’m not answering any questions. Our friend Justine shared that she bets our Angel is already reborn adapting to her new environment as if she were “sprouted somewhere as a prickly cactus,” and I believe she’s probably right. Angel believed in reincarnation. If you were fortunate enough to know her, you’d also know how adaptable and open to new things she was. I hope whoever she becomes she can feel all of this love and quickly forgets the taste of poison. We, with humanistic nature, all think there’s more we could’ve done but we cannot live that way. Cheers to the memories we hold in our hearts. My favorite, her laugh. Which I’ve been replaying in my head over and over; dreading the day I can no longer hear it, coinciding with the news of yesterday. As our Brittnee said “born an Angel,” we love you. Rest in peace Angel Elizabeth
and we all supported this, in every comment,* because that was said "life." You're an idiot, I'm an idiot. I got out and you got left behind. I'm sorry you wouldn't let me help you. If only we knew then what we know now. And if only we had known your favorite song Drug Ballad had really been foreshadowing your untimely death, six years later...what would we have done differently though? I've grown and now you're being given an opportunity to learn. I hope you've found ecstasy in your heaven. A real ecstasy, the emotion, not any drug. You see now that you don't need drugs, you knew that before but you forgot. I know you're disappointed in yourself, but you'll get it next time. I love you. I dreamt about your death all night, it was "undeniable in my dreams." This blog entry** speaks volumes, from the roller coaster of your life, up to this current disaster. I love you and I miss you and it hurts and I'm angry and I'm sad and I want to scream, a big poetic bellow and mostly I want to laugh...with you, one more time. I love you. I've loved every 'you' I ever met, even the most recent one. The one who ignored me when I sat in tears because you were high, the one who wouldn't look me in the eyes and tell me the whole truth. The one who distanced herself because she couldn't hide it any longer from her closests. Even that girl, I loved, but you already know that. I have so much I want to say to you however I have a feeling you already know all of that too. So with that said, and with your faith in reincarnation in mind. When you pass me on the sidewalk, someday, give me a sign. Give me a smile. I swear in your death, I will share a smile with every stranger from here on out. Survived in your death, to me, has been your most positive optimism and open heart. It's so shitty that in these tragedies that it's the only time everyone pulls together and leans on each other. I wish we could all, always be friends. Could you imagine? I know if anyone can, you can. It's equal to the initial patriotism after a great war. Terribly upsetting, all I keep thinking is...I wonder what Angel's doing [in Heaven]. Sitting, waiting, wishing. Good bye for now baby girl. I'll always keep you in mind. I’ve loved and I’ve lost and I’ve lost friends and I’ve lost plenty of family but this is the greatest sadness I’ve ever felt.
“Times change, people change
What an intrusive waste of lie.
Nothing changes with people
Like all the seasons change with time
For a disgusting person to turn into something good
There must be damaged done
That they’d hope never would.
To be a better person
You must want the best for everyone else
You can’t stare at your own face
And only want to help yourself.
Dirty people deserve dirty lives-
To drown in the blackest river
Of the deepest cutthroat lies
To never want anything better
For the World or their self
To settle instead of strive
In their own mediocre hell.
That’s why I am better
Than HIM and HER
I am ready for the worst and willing to endure
I want to leave this town
And I need to change the World.
I need to scream it out
That I am not a wasted little girl.
Just what this prison needs
In a saddening time of pain-
I’m such a different person
And yet I’ve always been the same.
& I’m not always ‘cool,’
I still stand my ground.
I know better than to be fooled.
I learned to love every single angle of me
Because I am the only person
I will always ever need.”
Angel Nazaruk, written January 21, 2006
* Reference 2006 lifestyle
** Reference AngelSlice MySpace blog, "Undeniable in My Dreams"
Angel Elizabeth Nazaruk
February 13, 1988 - August 11, 2012
and we all supported this, in every comment,* because that was said "life." You're an idiot, I'm an idiot. I got out and you got left behind. I'm sorry you wouldn't let me help you. If only we knew then what we know now. And if only we had known your favorite song Drug Ballad had really been foreshadowing your untimely death, six years later...what would we have done differently though? I've grown and now you're being given an opportunity to learn. I hope you've found ecstasy in your heaven. A real ecstasy, the emotion, not any drug. You see now that you don't need drugs, you knew that before but you forgot. I know you're disappointed in yourself, but you'll get it next time. I love you. I dreamt about your death all night, it was "undeniable in my dreams." This blog entry** speaks volumes, from the roller coaster of your life, up to this current disaster. I love you and I miss you and it hurts and I'm angry and I'm sad and I want to scream, a big poetic bellow and mostly I want to laugh...with you, one more time. I love you. I've loved every 'you' I ever met, even the most recent one. The one who ignored me when I sat in tears because you were high, the one who wouldn't look me in the eyes and tell me the whole truth. The one who distanced herself because she couldn't hide it any longer from her closests. Even that girl, I loved, but you already know that. I have so much I want to say to you however I have a feeling you already know all of that too. So with that said, and with your faith in reincarnation in mind. When you pass me on the sidewalk, someday, give me a sign. Give me a smile. I swear in your death, I will share a smile with every stranger from here on out. Survived in your death, to me, has been your most positive optimism and open heart. It's so shitty that in these tragedies that it's the only time everyone pulls together and leans on each other. I wish we could all, always be friends. Could you imagine? I know if anyone can, you can. It's equal to the initial patriotism after a great war. Terribly upsetting, all I keep thinking is...I wonder what Angel's doing [in Heaven]. Sitting, waiting, wishing. Good bye for now baby girl. I'll always keep you in mind. I’ve loved and I’ve lost and I’ve lost friends and I’ve lost plenty of family but this is the greatest sadness I’ve ever felt.
“Times change, people change
What an intrusive waste of lie.
Nothing changes with people
Like all the seasons change with time
For a disgusting person to turn into something good
There must be damaged done
That they’d hope never would.
To be a better person
You must want the best for everyone else
You can’t stare at your own face
And only want to help yourself.
Dirty people deserve dirty lives-
To drown in the blackest river
Of the deepest cutthroat lies
To never want anything better
For the World or their self
To settle instead of strive
In their own mediocre hell.
That’s why I am better
Than HIM and HER
I am ready for the worst and willing to endure
I want to leave this town
And I need to change the World.
I need to scream it out
That I am not a wasted little girl.
Just what this prison needs
In a saddening time of pain-
I’m such a different person
And yet I’ve always been the same.
& I’m not always ‘cool,’
I still stand my ground.
I know better than to be fooled.
I learned to love every single angle of me
Because I am the only person
I will always ever need.”
Angel Nazaruk, written January 21, 2006
* Reference 2006 lifestyle
** Reference AngelSlice MySpace blog, "Undeniable in My Dreams"
Angel Elizabeth Nazaruk
February 13, 1988 - August 11, 2012