Its been a while
Hello there. its been quite sometime since ive posted in this journal.
And in that time i have been through quite a bit. ive done alot with who i am and who i hope to be down the road. Ive overcome alot of personal issues and made alot of other close freindships. and im about to finally treat this page exactly as it is supposed to be treated..as a journal
I was an extreemly angry person for the past few months. Most of that anger is attributed to my dealing with some mistakes that ive made and some circumstances with which certain things came about. If you know me well enough i dont have to elaborate. The fact is i didnt like the person i was becoming, so i tried to fix it. in the process destroyed..and gained something. Thats the magic of chaos, and of life in general. No matter how horrendously good or bad a situation might be there is always something to learn. and that has never held more true to me then it has in the past few days.
While most bitch about a bad situation and how they have been dealt a shitty hand. i found that i much prefer to take in the chaos of the situation. Take the bad in its entirety. Revel in that spiral and experience the lowest depths you can be brought to. I say that because i believe evil and negativity is nessicary for good and beautiful things. I believe that if you experience something so low, so depraved, so discusting and dellusional in its entirety...and come out alive and sane then you can experience something of the polar opposite. something so wonderful and amazing that no words can describe it...peace
Alot of my freinds worry about me...they dont need to. Because i need that depravity and i need that decline. Without it i wouldnt be able to feel such contentment and happiness as i do right now. You can call it insanity, massochism, whatever the hell you want.
I enjoy pain because it reminds me that im alive, it reminds me of how fragile the human form and mindset can be. It reminds me of the perfection of imperfection. It serves to reassure me, because the more i am hurting..means i was that much happier to be brought to that level of sadness. Its beautiful, really it is.
I apreciate the little things in life. Like the night sky, or the way the light looks refracting and dancing in a body of water. It makes the hassles and irritations of everyday life so much more tolerable.
I love being with my freinds. I might want to slice out thier tounges from time to time, but is still enjoy thier company.
im glad i finally turned and met my problems face to face..running just isnt my style.
Ultimately i guess im saying everything was worth it..and with what ive learned everything is going to continue to be worth it. Because no matter how low i get, or what kind of shit is going to be thrown my way..i cant help but look forward. Because in a universe where everything is a different shade of gray and so incomprehensably variable that it would make the average persons mind explode...There are many obscurities..so many so that..its hard to tell the difference or draw the line between the good and the bad. The only real thing you need to do in this world is obscure that line for yourself.
Obscurity is the key to happiness. And chaos is the key to survival. Because good is great, but bad is even better. after all..its the negative that inspires change. its the horrible shit that has brought about some of the most awe-inspiring feats of nature and man.
So stop being pissed off at what life has dealt to you...enjoy it. Laugh about it because sometimes its all you can do. Breath it in deep and let it become a part of you. Assimilate with it and overcome it. Show the malignant that your better than it.
Just think...it could be worse...or it could be better..chances are both are going to happen anyway so why fight it? why get upset? turn around, face it head on and take life by the fucking balls. Because life is too damn fleeting to just exist and let things happen.
YOU have control. EVERYONE does. What seperates those on the next step of the evolutionary ladder from those on the bottom rung is the ability to use that control and become better from it.
Master your own chaos, take control of your own destiny, and live every day as if it were your second to last. That way you can just say "Hey..theres always tomorrow"
And in that time i have been through quite a bit. ive done alot with who i am and who i hope to be down the road. Ive overcome alot of personal issues and made alot of other close freindships. and im about to finally treat this page exactly as it is supposed to be treated..as a journal
I was an extreemly angry person for the past few months. Most of that anger is attributed to my dealing with some mistakes that ive made and some circumstances with which certain things came about. If you know me well enough i dont have to elaborate. The fact is i didnt like the person i was becoming, so i tried to fix it. in the process destroyed..and gained something. Thats the magic of chaos, and of life in general. No matter how horrendously good or bad a situation might be there is always something to learn. and that has never held more true to me then it has in the past few days.
While most bitch about a bad situation and how they have been dealt a shitty hand. i found that i much prefer to take in the chaos of the situation. Take the bad in its entirety. Revel in that spiral and experience the lowest depths you can be brought to. I say that because i believe evil and negativity is nessicary for good and beautiful things. I believe that if you experience something so low, so depraved, so discusting and dellusional in its entirety...and come out alive and sane then you can experience something of the polar opposite. something so wonderful and amazing that no words can describe it...peace
Alot of my freinds worry about me...they dont need to. Because i need that depravity and i need that decline. Without it i wouldnt be able to feel such contentment and happiness as i do right now. You can call it insanity, massochism, whatever the hell you want.
I enjoy pain because it reminds me that im alive, it reminds me of how fragile the human form and mindset can be. It reminds me of the perfection of imperfection. It serves to reassure me, because the more i am hurting..means i was that much happier to be brought to that level of sadness. Its beautiful, really it is.
I apreciate the little things in life. Like the night sky, or the way the light looks refracting and dancing in a body of water. It makes the hassles and irritations of everyday life so much more tolerable.
I love being with my freinds. I might want to slice out thier tounges from time to time, but is still enjoy thier company.
im glad i finally turned and met my problems face to face..running just isnt my style.
Ultimately i guess im saying everything was worth it..and with what ive learned everything is going to continue to be worth it. Because no matter how low i get, or what kind of shit is going to be thrown my way..i cant help but look forward. Because in a universe where everything is a different shade of gray and so incomprehensably variable that it would make the average persons mind explode...There are many obscurities..so many so that..its hard to tell the difference or draw the line between the good and the bad. The only real thing you need to do in this world is obscure that line for yourself.
Obscurity is the key to happiness. And chaos is the key to survival. Because good is great, but bad is even better. after all..its the negative that inspires change. its the horrible shit that has brought about some of the most awe-inspiring feats of nature and man.
So stop being pissed off at what life has dealt to you...enjoy it. Laugh about it because sometimes its all you can do. Breath it in deep and let it become a part of you. Assimilate with it and overcome it. Show the malignant that your better than it.
Just think...it could be worse...or it could be better..chances are both are going to happen anyway so why fight it? why get upset? turn around, face it head on and take life by the fucking balls. Because life is too damn fleeting to just exist and let things happen.
YOU have control. EVERYONE does. What seperates those on the next step of the evolutionary ladder from those on the bottom rung is the ability to use that control and become better from it.
Master your own chaos, take control of your own destiny, and live every day as if it were your second to last. That way you can just say "Hey..theres always tomorrow"