Hollow (wo)man
Last night after dropping Bree off after D&D, I was so mad at James (we had a fight about the musical society) that I grabbed the steering wheel and made him crash the car into the gutter, shredding the front passenger tyre. I then jumped out of the car and ran, crying hysterically, for the bridge that goes over the train line. James physically stopped me before I managed to get over the fence, a few minutes later a train went by. I cried and cried and yelled at him "what have you done?! I'm alive, you freak!" gesturing wildly at the passing train. I so wanted to be in front of - under - it.
Not so much right now, however.
I remember talking to Jasmin earlier that day about how in one's logical calm mind you can see that such behaviour is over dramatic and stupid, but at the time you really believe that you're NOT being over dramatic at all. That's what I thought last night, it was perfectly rational to get the hell away from James and just jump.
Maybe I need some chocolate. There's nothing nice and sweet here. Maybe a lovely Lindt ball, you know? With the tender creaminess in the inside of the chocolate. Mmm. White chocolate is my favourite.
Jenny is beautiful and I can see why she is so desirable. At first I thought I was hotter, but after last night at her place I felt I just fizzled into the background. Which is fine I guess, can't always be the hottest, the funniest, the skinniest, the smartest.
Something I've noticed is that nothing interesting or share worthy happens to me, it is always someone I know. Now, plenty of interesting things have happened in my life but none of them are particularly good conversational stories, rather to do with illegal and morally corrupt things. I've never been the most, or the least, the best or worst. Always something in the middle, somewhat average, inane and replaceable.
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