(no subject)
i...feel...like...an...idiot...
you remember when i said i was dead? dead and buried? DEAD? well, i'm not dead. i just feel stupid.
because i skipped ONE drama club rehearsal, i have no part in the play. NONE! i skipped one fucking class. ONE! i was mad at swaitek, then i was sad, then i was mad at myself, then ray told me that i am mad at myself to much. then i was kinda with no emotion for a while because of the wonderful powers of music. i can't remember what me and ray were listening to, but whatever it was it made me forget of my problem for a while. then he got off the bus. then i was all alone. then i got home. then i told my mom what i did before i gave swaitek the chance. mom is mad. says i can't talk on the phone anymore. i'm starting to get mad again. NO! must..not..be..mad..at..self......my mind is fucked. my mom said that not giving me a part in the play is fair treatment. i hate everyone right now. everyone except steve, i have no reason to hate steve, i love steve. and ray, cuz he has the good music that calms my brain.....acid rock i think it was......i dunno.......my brain is mushy again. i'm mad at me. FUCK! why do i have to be so stupid? i'm so fucking stupid! UGH!!!
those of you who know me will know the significance of the music i am listening to.
you remember when i said i was dead? dead and buried? DEAD? well, i'm not dead. i just feel stupid.
because i skipped ONE drama club rehearsal, i have no part in the play. NONE! i skipped one fucking class. ONE! i was mad at swaitek, then i was sad, then i was mad at myself, then ray told me that i am mad at myself to much. then i was kinda with no emotion for a while because of the wonderful powers of music. i can't remember what me and ray were listening to, but whatever it was it made me forget of my problem for a while. then he got off the bus. then i was all alone. then i got home. then i told my mom what i did before i gave swaitek the chance. mom is mad. says i can't talk on the phone anymore. i'm starting to get mad again. NO! must..not..be..mad..at..self......my mind is fucked. my mom said that not giving me a part in the play is fair treatment. i hate everyone right now. everyone except steve, i have no reason to hate steve, i love steve. and ray, cuz he has the good music that calms my brain.....acid rock i think it was......i dunno.......my brain is mushy again. i'm mad at me. FUCK! why do i have to be so stupid? i'm so fucking stupid! UGH!!!
those of you who know me will know the significance of the music i am listening to.