(no subject)
Well today marks exactly 2 months since Frankie's death.... and I am still finding it hard to even believe. I don't really talk about it very much to anyone but maybe my mom, but he has literally been on my mind several times every day, more so within the past few weeks than usual. And yesterday and the day before, I actually broke down and cried about it for the first time since the funeral. I heard that his parents were going to pick out his headstone 2 days ago, and I just lost it. It's just such an incredibly empty feeling to know that he is GONE... that he won't be coming back. His parents are being so strong... but I just feel for them so much. And the thing that sucks so bad is that there is absolutely nothing I or anyone can say or do to make things better - for them or for my little brother. I keep hearing Jeremy's friends talk about how Frankie used to tell his girlfriend, Lacey, that he would love her "until the wheels fall off"... and it's so freaking eerie because it was never meant to be taken literally. And one of Jeremy's friends was talking about how when the tire came off of the car, it landed in Jeremy's lap... and she thinks that is a sign that Jeremy is supposed to take care of Lacey now that Frankie can't. It may sound stupid or whatever, but it just really made me think. I dunno, I know you can't appreciate the good things in life without experiencing the bad, I just wish the bad didn't have to be so bad... I just wish I could take away all the pain that Jeremy, Lacey, and Frankie's parents are feeling. I mean, I miss him so much too, but he wasn't as close to me as he was to them... a lot of the reason I have been so upset is because I feel for them and what they must be going through. I wonder how long it will take before it starts to get easier...
Jeremy is coming over tonight and is bringing some friends. I think we're gonna play drinking games. I'm so excited because I feel like I never see him, and that makes me feel incredibly guilty. I know he has his own life and doesn't wanna hang out with me 24/7, but I just feel like I should cherish him because I was so lucky not to have lost him too. We've all been given a second chance to have him in our lives, and I need to appreciate it and not ever take him for granted. So tonight should be really fun... although I fully intend to steal keys from any of his friends who are driving tonight. I definitely refuse to be responsible for any more of them getting hurt. They can sleep on my couch... or Sarah and I can share one of our beds and they can take one. Hehe slumber party! It sucks though because Matt won't be able to come since he's going to a concert in Cincinnati tonight... I know he wants to be there because he cares about Jerm and wants to get to know him better. He just knows Jeremy really could use an "older brother" kinda figure in his life. He's so sweet. :)
And to completely change the subject, I just declared a second major in Finance. Yeah, I'm crazy. But it is only gonna mean going to school for one extra semester, and now I will have 2 bachelor's degrees. I just don't really know what I want to do yet, and I feel like this will expand my options. And it will also help me get the 150 credit hours I will need, should I decide to take the CPA exam. I just talked to my advisor about all this though, and he doesn't seem to think that I need a finance degree to "expand my options." He says accounting degrees give you plenty of possibilities as it is and that they are looked upon much more highly than finance degrees anyway. So who knows what I will really end up doing... I think right now I am just confusing the hell outta myself. Haha.
Oh, and I quit Brisnet finally. Haha I decided that maybe it wasn't really necessary to have 3 jobs. I'm actually at brisnet right now, but next Saturday is my last day. I felt bad for quitting though, because they think I do such a good job here. (Yep and I am on livejournal right now!) My boss asked me if I knew anyone else that would be interested in taking over for me, who would be as reliable and do as good of a job as I do. Then she told me that if I ever wanted to come back and work here, to just let her know. AND if I need a job once I graduate, to also let her know and we might be able to work something out... since she's the head of the accounting department here! I kinda think I would hate working here full time, but hey, it's nice to know that I have that to possibly fall back on in case I have trouble finding a job. It's somewhere to start anyway. AGH it's time to close up around here and head home...
Jeremy is coming over tonight and is bringing some friends. I think we're gonna play drinking games. I'm so excited because I feel like I never see him, and that makes me feel incredibly guilty. I know he has his own life and doesn't wanna hang out with me 24/7, but I just feel like I should cherish him because I was so lucky not to have lost him too. We've all been given a second chance to have him in our lives, and I need to appreciate it and not ever take him for granted. So tonight should be really fun... although I fully intend to steal keys from any of his friends who are driving tonight. I definitely refuse to be responsible for any more of them getting hurt. They can sleep on my couch... or Sarah and I can share one of our beds and they can take one. Hehe slumber party! It sucks though because Matt won't be able to come since he's going to a concert in Cincinnati tonight... I know he wants to be there because he cares about Jerm and wants to get to know him better. He just knows Jeremy really could use an "older brother" kinda figure in his life. He's so sweet. :)
And to completely change the subject, I just declared a second major in Finance. Yeah, I'm crazy. But it is only gonna mean going to school for one extra semester, and now I will have 2 bachelor's degrees. I just don't really know what I want to do yet, and I feel like this will expand my options. And it will also help me get the 150 credit hours I will need, should I decide to take the CPA exam. I just talked to my advisor about all this though, and he doesn't seem to think that I need a finance degree to "expand my options." He says accounting degrees give you plenty of possibilities as it is and that they are looked upon much more highly than finance degrees anyway. So who knows what I will really end up doing... I think right now I am just confusing the hell outta myself. Haha.
Oh, and I quit Brisnet finally. Haha I decided that maybe it wasn't really necessary to have 3 jobs. I'm actually at brisnet right now, but next Saturday is my last day. I felt bad for quitting though, because they think I do such a good job here. (Yep and I am on livejournal right now!) My boss asked me if I knew anyone else that would be interested in taking over for me, who would be as reliable and do as good of a job as I do. Then she told me that if I ever wanted to come back and work here, to just let her know. AND if I need a job once I graduate, to also let her know and we might be able to work something out... since she's the head of the accounting department here! I kinda think I would hate working here full time, but hey, it's nice to know that I have that to possibly fall back on in case I have trouble finding a job. It's somewhere to start anyway. AGH it's time to close up around here and head home...