Black
Title: Black
Pairing: Yunho x Jaejoong
Rating: R
Disclaimer: They are only mine in my fantasy world.
Genre: Angst, drama, romance
Length: Oneshot
Warnings: Unbeta-ed, self-mutilation, suicide, character death
Black
A slumped body was sitting on the cold tiles of the bathroom, eyes brimming with tears facing the wall. Water leaked slowly out of the faucet, drip drip drip, the sound driving the person on the floor insane. The sound reminded him of how his life was slipping out of his hands, slowly disappearing in the drain. How he couldn't control anything at all. A low chuckle slipped out of the persons mouth and the movement made the tears spill out of his eyes, leaving trails of hurt on his cheeks. The person sighed, closing his eyes as he tried to ignore the despise he felt for himself. But what was the point of trying? He knew it was the truth. The truth he had liked to ignore for the 25 years he was walking around on earth. Only now, he realized how awfully selfish it was of him to ignore something this obvious.
Everything was useless. Why did he even continue trying? When all his efforts were wasted, when everything he did was bothering other people and when he couldn't do anything right? The only thing he could do was wasting his energy and making others waste theirs as well. Jaejoong could do nothing but sob silently as he finally saw what had been under his nose all this time: he realized that he was nothing but a burden. He had been a burden to all the other DBSK members, always messing up and his talent could never meet up with theirs. He knew he had been a burden to his family, always traveling around in order to promote DBSK. Another chuckle escaped his lips as he realized how he had been neglecting his family in order to let DBSK achieve great things. In order to fulfill his own dreams. But his dreams were shattered into little pieces, unable to be glued together again and he was nothing but a burden to DBSK. How pathetic.
It was even more pathetic that he was sitting in the bathroom, crying like a crybaby, being worthless just as usual. Jaejoong clutched his chest, his breathing uneven, as he felt the horrible self despise burning in his body, burning away his joyful emotions, burning away his rational thoughts. He had to do something. He had to do something with his useless body. He had to do something which would make him less useless.
Even more tears were escaping his eyes as Jaejoong stood up, still clutching his chest. He had to get rid of his useless body, he had to get rid of the pain burning in his body, he had to get rid of everything. The only solution was to get rid of himself.
~
A sigh of relief escaped his mouth as he pressed the cold blade against his wrist, tracing the light scars which were already there. He smiled. He had promised Yunho to stop cutting himself and until now, he had kept his promise. "I'm so sorry for breaking our promise... but, it's the only way..." Jaejoong sobbed, pressing the blade deep inside his wrist. He gasped as he could feel the cold blade invading his skin while even more pain spread through his body. Warm blood slipped out of the wound, running over his pale wrist and dripping on the kitchen floor. Drip, drip, drip.
Soon, the pain in his wrist dulled out the pain in his chest and Jaejoong felt more at ease. Soon, the warmth of his blood made him feel in control again. Finally, everything felt so right. Utterly blissful, Jaejoong closed his eyes, waiting for Death to come get him. Finally, nobody would have to be troubled anymore by the useless thing he actually was. All that was left, was waiting. Waiting to get indulged into the utter blackness where he could feel nothing, see nothing, where he was nothing.
He was drifting. Drifting on the clouds. He couldn't feel any pain anymore, no longer were annoying thoughts filling his head as they had made room for simple blissfulness. Jaejoong was annoyed to find himself disturbed out of his bliss as he could hear his ringtone playing through the room. He just had to ignore it, though. After a few painful seconds of listening to his Orange Caramel ringtone (way to break the mood), he grunted in annoyance and grabbed his phone out of his pocket. It was already so tiresome to move his arm as it felt very heavy. Who was this bastard who dared to grab him out of the claws of Death?
It was nobody else than Jung Yunho. Of course, he could have known. Jaejoong looked at his cell phone, his sight becoming blurry by the effort to concentrate on the screen and by fresh tears. He just wanted to scream to let him goddamn die already but he couldn't. Not when it was Yunho. Jaejoong hesitated for another moment, initially wanting to hang up on this person but something in him wanted to hear Yunho's voice one last time...
"Hello?" he heard the familiar low, husky voice on the other side of the phone. There was a moment of silence as Jaejoong couldn't find the strength to say anything. "Jae? Are you there?"
"... yes." Jaejoong barely managed to get out of his mouth. He closed his eyes, trying to lose himself in Yunho's voice. He didn't want to think anymore, he wanted to go back to the bliss he was experiencing a few minutes ago. Forget the pain, everything that would matter was Yunho.
"What's wrong?" Yunho sounded alarmed. "What are you doing?"
"Do you... love me?" Jaejoong ignored the question he had been asked. He was slowly pulled back into unconsciousness but he tried to fight it. He had to hear Yunho's answer, he had to hear Yunho's voice one last time.
"Of course I do. Shit, don't tell me you had a relapse? Answer me, Jaejoong, what are you doing?!" Yunho was practically screaming on the other side of the phone and something in Jaejoong registered the heavy breathing of the other guy. It probably meant he was running.
No, no, don't run... just let me die... Jaejoong thought, slipping back to the bliss he had been feeling just now. "Nothing..." he breathed through the phone. He didn't know if Yunho had been able to hear it but he couldn't care less. All that mattered was that Jaejoong could hear him.
"Shit, shit, shit!" Yunho cursed on the other side of the phone. A light frown appeared on Jaejoong's peaceful face. Well, that weren't exactly the last words he wanted to hear from his lover. "I'm coming, hang on, hang on! I will be there right now!!"
Suddenly, there was a click and Jaejoong realized Yunho had hung up. The phone slipped out of his hands, clattering on the floor and Jaejoong gave up fighting. He was pulled back into the blissful darkness, in the peaceful numbness. He let out a relieved sigh. Finally, Death was coming to get him. Finally, life was just. But... why was Death screaming to him to hang on? Why was Death telling him to stay?
Jaejoong slowly opened his heavy eyelids and saw the man he had loved the most during his life. A faint smile appeared on his lips. "Don't... cry." he found himself saying as he slowly lifted his hand to caress the man's brown dyed hair. The crying man was hugging Jaejoong's body desperately, clutching onto the almost cold body, clinging onto the last bit of life left in the body.
"Don't leave me... Don't leave me..." Yunho sobbed as he pulled Jaejoong's body even closer. It was hopeless. Soon, he could feel the last bit of warmth leaving the body. Soon, the chest which had been struggling to keep heaving, stopped its attempt. And soon, Yunho found himself alone on this pathetic world. This unjust world which had driven the most beautiful and nicest man to insanity.
Tears streamed down his cheek as Yunho finally let go of Jaejoong's body, looking at what once had been his beloved. It was nothing but an empty shell now.
The only thing that broke the silence in the house was the sound of Jaejoong's blood falling on the floor.
Drip, drip, drip.
---------------
A/N: Okayyyy so I didn't dare to reread it because I'm too scared to actually see what I've written haha. XD I actually hate character death but now I'm writing it myself ;_; Hopefully, you could put up with it haha XD
& Damnnn, SM Town is FINALLY coming to Europe but only to France T.T;; Traveling to France would cost me like 70 euros... -cries- And my exam week is starting on 10 June so FML D; [/random rant]
Pairing: Yunho x Jaejoong
Rating: R
Disclaimer: They are only mine in my fantasy world.
Genre: Angst, drama, romance
Length: Oneshot
Warnings: Unbeta-ed, self-mutilation, suicide, character death
Black
A slumped body was sitting on the cold tiles of the bathroom, eyes brimming with tears facing the wall. Water leaked slowly out of the faucet, drip drip drip, the sound driving the person on the floor insane. The sound reminded him of how his life was slipping out of his hands, slowly disappearing in the drain. How he couldn't control anything at all. A low chuckle slipped out of the persons mouth and the movement made the tears spill out of his eyes, leaving trails of hurt on his cheeks. The person sighed, closing his eyes as he tried to ignore the despise he felt for himself. But what was the point of trying? He knew it was the truth. The truth he had liked to ignore for the 25 years he was walking around on earth. Only now, he realized how awfully selfish it was of him to ignore something this obvious.
Everything was useless. Why did he even continue trying? When all his efforts were wasted, when everything he did was bothering other people and when he couldn't do anything right? The only thing he could do was wasting his energy and making others waste theirs as well. Jaejoong could do nothing but sob silently as he finally saw what had been under his nose all this time: he realized that he was nothing but a burden. He had been a burden to all the other DBSK members, always messing up and his talent could never meet up with theirs. He knew he had been a burden to his family, always traveling around in order to promote DBSK. Another chuckle escaped his lips as he realized how he had been neglecting his family in order to let DBSK achieve great things. In order to fulfill his own dreams. But his dreams were shattered into little pieces, unable to be glued together again and he was nothing but a burden to DBSK. How pathetic.
It was even more pathetic that he was sitting in the bathroom, crying like a crybaby, being worthless just as usual. Jaejoong clutched his chest, his breathing uneven, as he felt the horrible self despise burning in his body, burning away his joyful emotions, burning away his rational thoughts. He had to do something. He had to do something with his useless body. He had to do something which would make him less useless.
Even more tears were escaping his eyes as Jaejoong stood up, still clutching his chest. He had to get rid of his useless body, he had to get rid of the pain burning in his body, he had to get rid of everything. The only solution was to get rid of himself.
~
A sigh of relief escaped his mouth as he pressed the cold blade against his wrist, tracing the light scars which were already there. He smiled. He had promised Yunho to stop cutting himself and until now, he had kept his promise. "I'm so sorry for breaking our promise... but, it's the only way..." Jaejoong sobbed, pressing the blade deep inside his wrist. He gasped as he could feel the cold blade invading his skin while even more pain spread through his body. Warm blood slipped out of the wound, running over his pale wrist and dripping on the kitchen floor. Drip, drip, drip.
Soon, the pain in his wrist dulled out the pain in his chest and Jaejoong felt more at ease. Soon, the warmth of his blood made him feel in control again. Finally, everything felt so right. Utterly blissful, Jaejoong closed his eyes, waiting for Death to come get him. Finally, nobody would have to be troubled anymore by the useless thing he actually was. All that was left, was waiting. Waiting to get indulged into the utter blackness where he could feel nothing, see nothing, where he was nothing.
He was drifting. Drifting on the clouds. He couldn't feel any pain anymore, no longer were annoying thoughts filling his head as they had made room for simple blissfulness. Jaejoong was annoyed to find himself disturbed out of his bliss as he could hear his ringtone playing through the room. He just had to ignore it, though. After a few painful seconds of listening to his Orange Caramel ringtone (way to break the mood), he grunted in annoyance and grabbed his phone out of his pocket. It was already so tiresome to move his arm as it felt very heavy. Who was this bastard who dared to grab him out of the claws of Death?
It was nobody else than Jung Yunho. Of course, he could have known. Jaejoong looked at his cell phone, his sight becoming blurry by the effort to concentrate on the screen and by fresh tears. He just wanted to scream to let him goddamn die already but he couldn't. Not when it was Yunho. Jaejoong hesitated for another moment, initially wanting to hang up on this person but something in him wanted to hear Yunho's voice one last time...
"Hello?" he heard the familiar low, husky voice on the other side of the phone. There was a moment of silence as Jaejoong couldn't find the strength to say anything. "Jae? Are you there?"
"... yes." Jaejoong barely managed to get out of his mouth. He closed his eyes, trying to lose himself in Yunho's voice. He didn't want to think anymore, he wanted to go back to the bliss he was experiencing a few minutes ago. Forget the pain, everything that would matter was Yunho.
"What's wrong?" Yunho sounded alarmed. "What are you doing?"
"Do you... love me?" Jaejoong ignored the question he had been asked. He was slowly pulled back into unconsciousness but he tried to fight it. He had to hear Yunho's answer, he had to hear Yunho's voice one last time.
"Of course I do. Shit, don't tell me you had a relapse? Answer me, Jaejoong, what are you doing?!" Yunho was practically screaming on the other side of the phone and something in Jaejoong registered the heavy breathing of the other guy. It probably meant he was running.
No, no, don't run... just let me die... Jaejoong thought, slipping back to the bliss he had been feeling just now. "Nothing..." he breathed through the phone. He didn't know if Yunho had been able to hear it but he couldn't care less. All that mattered was that Jaejoong could hear him.
"Shit, shit, shit!" Yunho cursed on the other side of the phone. A light frown appeared on Jaejoong's peaceful face. Well, that weren't exactly the last words he wanted to hear from his lover. "I'm coming, hang on, hang on! I will be there right now!!"
Suddenly, there was a click and Jaejoong realized Yunho had hung up. The phone slipped out of his hands, clattering on the floor and Jaejoong gave up fighting. He was pulled back into the blissful darkness, in the peaceful numbness. He let out a relieved sigh. Finally, Death was coming to get him. Finally, life was just. But... why was Death screaming to him to hang on? Why was Death telling him to stay?
Jaejoong slowly opened his heavy eyelids and saw the man he had loved the most during his life. A faint smile appeared on his lips. "Don't... cry." he found himself saying as he slowly lifted his hand to caress the man's brown dyed hair. The crying man was hugging Jaejoong's body desperately, clutching onto the almost cold body, clinging onto the last bit of life left in the body.
"Don't leave me... Don't leave me..." Yunho sobbed as he pulled Jaejoong's body even closer. It was hopeless. Soon, he could feel the last bit of warmth leaving the body. Soon, the chest which had been struggling to keep heaving, stopped its attempt. And soon, Yunho found himself alone on this pathetic world. This unjust world which had driven the most beautiful and nicest man to insanity.
Tears streamed down his cheek as Yunho finally let go of Jaejoong's body, looking at what once had been his beloved. It was nothing but an empty shell now.
The only thing that broke the silence in the house was the sound of Jaejoong's blood falling on the floor.
Drip, drip, drip.
---------------
A/N: Okayyyy so I didn't dare to reread it because I'm too scared to actually see what I've written haha. XD I actually hate character death but now I'm writing it myself ;_; Hopefully, you could put up with it haha XD
& Damnnn, SM Town is FINALLY coming to Europe but only to France T.T;; Traveling to France would cost me like 70 euros... -cries- And my exam week is starting on 10 June so FML D; [/random rant]