much better now!
::hey guyz..well ive been going through alot of shit with joe and mixed feelings and everything and thanks to my gurl amanda for sitting up till mad hours of the night and listenin to me vent, complain and nethin else i did prolly cry some of the time but i have some very good news...its took me a long time to be able to say all this so im real excitied...for starters for the first time in i dont kno how long im happy and im not sayin that to say it or put on a front i reallie and and maybe with me bein happy with who i am and not listenin to wat other ppl say about me for once is gonna help this situation so much more...well lets see i found a couple things out that joe had said that normally would of set me off and i would of been so pissed at him but it didnt even bother me for once it was like it didnt reallie even phase me and that has never happenend to me and im so happy that im finally able to just brush things off and not let them bug me..not sayin im not gonna let things bug me but hey im off to a good start now...and i even noticed my jealousy isnt as bad as wat it was when we first started hangin out and it like i feel the jealous inside me nemore but its nowhere near the fact at where it was in the begininng and i love that too...i finally came to terms that for just right now me n joe r just friends(haha right amanda) and that if somethin is ment to come out of me n him it will and if its not then i have made a reallie good friend( ;) ) out of all this and ive also learned alot about myself from him..im excitied to see how things r goin to go between me n him now and just see wat is or isnt gonna happen down the road...i had to become happy with myself and love me before i could even consider letting someone into my life in the romantic side and i wanted him as boyfriend to make me feel good about myself to make me feel wanted and loved when reallie it was me who needed to love myself first and everythin and i kno im still not completely ready for a relationship cuz this is the start of havin a good relationship with myself first and i kno what hes goin through and hes so not ready yet either and im finally fine with that and im not gonna let that get to me...i cant depend on someone else to make me happy or ill neva be happy and im finally startin to be happy on my own without nebodyz help..and i needed to do this on my own when i wanted help from ppl and friendz and joe and no one would help me and im glad they didnt cuz this is somethin that i have to do on my own so im kinda glad i didnt do nethin this weekend just cuz i had time to think and get everythin into prospective...its like all this clicked in at once and im glad it did...its like u work and work to try and get somethin and then all of a sudden it all clicks in you and i guess thats what ill need to wait on with this whole joe thing somethin to click into me and him about a relationship with me n him somewhere down the road...well i think i wrote WAY to much so imma end it here n ill write more lata hopefully soon xOxO::