(no subject)

[sweetangst]

Today is the day before I'm going to die. (Organic test tomorrow) It's a strange feeling - knowing you're going to die... It seems like as long as there is chocolate involved, it can't be all that bad. I know I haven't been helping prevent this eventual demise, as I've been goofing off a lot this semester considering my present course load. I just need to lock myself in my room for a while...

I've decided that when I, someday, find and visit John's grave, I want to leave a rock there with something carved on it. I don't know what it'd say though.. I honestly don't know what reaction I would have to actually seeing his grave...if he even has one. [Assuming he wasn't .. cremated.. oh god, what a thought! :( ] The last time I was at a graveyard I was watching my baby niece get put into the darkness they glorify with green turf, as if it makes it more bearable...

And the time before? Probably with my mother, at my grandmother's grave, many years ago... I think they bought a double plot for when.. yeah.. I don't want to think about that. I wonder what they'll decide when the time comes, since he's remarried and all.

More later, I have to go rip someone a new asshole in genetics if there aren't any food vials.