(no subject)
Yeaa...things arent going so well. I hit a really bad stressed out point, and just everything is so fucked up. My mom wants to move this summer ((even though shes said that EVERY summer, but Idk..)) I want to cuz I hate our school, and most of the people in it. But then again I dont cuz I dont want to screw up what I've built up there, with NHS, and with Honors English class n whatever. Idk, and I'll miss some people. And plus I'd be farther away from my dad, and I cant deal with being with my mom ALL week, that just isnt going to happen. My aunt said I should move in with her...butttt no. Cuz she's crazier than my mom, and at least I dont really DEAL with my mom that much since shes never home anyways. And I could PROBABLY move in with my dad if I wanted to that badly, but Robin is the same as my mom...so that wouldnt get me anywhere. Plus money and stuff. So I dont know whats going to happen there. Everything is just falling on me at once and its really hard to handle. And its stressing Ryan out, which is the last thing I want to do b/c I <3 him a lot. He said that we'll get through it and everything, but I dont wanna mess him up. Idk what to do. Im not going to break up with him cuz I just...I really dont want to lose him. Plus another thing thats been stressing me out is a bunch of old memories have been coming back. Really good ones, through like songs, or smells, or something that I just notice that like "takes me back" I guess...And I really miss old days. These days are just too much to handle, im only 16, I shouldnt have to put up with all this weight. But I do, and I'll get through it just fine. There are just points that I feel like I just...wanna give up on it all. Plluusss grades. I get all A's and B's, im in NHS, SADD, and the Art Club, but its not good enough for my mom. She wants me to be SO perfect, and I just cant. I try as hard as I can...its just tough, I dont know. And I dont know what im going to do when I grow up. I dont even really have an idea. Not a set idea anyways. I like EVERYTHING, but with that everything there are things I dont like about the things. So I just cant decide. I dont know what college I want to go to, Im just not ready when im supposed to be. I mean I know a lot of people dont know this stuff by now...but im supposed to. I wanted to have everything figured out by now..and it just didnt happen. But like I said...I'll get through it all and I suppose I'll come out a better person right? I hope so.
Wow I just wrote something to Ryan. And it kinda sounded sing songy, so Im probably going to make a song out of it..or just a poem, Idk...I'll work on that.
Hmm...I need time to think.
Sorry this was so...emo-ish. I just kinda needed to rant on about this stuff. And I said my piece. Love you all.
<3 me.