(no subject)
friday~spent the ngith with lauren,blake, adn will. it was really fun except for i had to sleep on the floor and lauren got the couch while will and blake each had their own bed.
saturday~babysat from 915am-3pm and then went to a wedding t 530 adn was server in it, and it was the first wedding ive been to where an usher walked me to my seat. so that night was a rly fun night to.
sunday~worked from 7-9, then came home adn slept til almost 3. got ready, went to blake's choir thing at church. then we went with the youth on the bus to 3 different house to eat appetizer, dinner, then desert and then did dirty santa at the last house. i got a giant m&m, blake got a brick haha...then i came home, and i was reading my brothers journal on here.. and it hit me hard. he said a lot of what i was feeling but haven't been able to say. i started to cry a lil while reading it. and sadly what he said really is true. so now im in a sad mood with sad songs playin which prolly isn't helpin me. but i dont care at his point. tonight's gonna be a long night. this is a lil bit of what my bro wrote.."..and I have awesome friends who are always there to try to make me feel better. (even though most of the time I hide the pain and just pretend to act like I'm ok) The truth is lately, I haven't even wanted to be here...HERE...on this earth, living, breathing, existing.
I never thought I would be the one thinking about that huge bottle of sleeping pills and they looked like the way out one night. I know that's not the right thing to do, I really don't think I'd ever do that. It just runs across my mind every now and then.
My mom is not the same person that she used to be; it is literally tearing me apart. Her new persona is affecting not only me, but my entire family as well. I can only imagine how hard it is for my ciblings, they see her everyday. I'm not trying to paint her as this horrible ogre or demon that just destroys everything in their sight, I'm just saying that she is different, she's not the mother that I grew up with. My dad is changing now due to that too. He just goes along with whatever she says, really because I think he is tired of fighting with her. It's not like he isn't going to take her side anyway...they're a team...as would be expected."
thats only some of what he worte. well i'll end this awfuly long journal entry now.
i love yall ♥
love me ♥
saturday~babysat from 915am-3pm and then went to a wedding t 530 adn was server in it, and it was the first wedding ive been to where an usher walked me to my seat. so that night was a rly fun night to.
sunday~worked from 7-9, then came home adn slept til almost 3. got ready, went to blake's choir thing at church. then we went with the youth on the bus to 3 different house to eat appetizer, dinner, then desert and then did dirty santa at the last house. i got a giant m&m, blake got a brick haha...then i came home, and i was reading my brothers journal on here.. and it hit me hard. he said a lot of what i was feeling but haven't been able to say. i started to cry a lil while reading it. and sadly what he said really is true. so now im in a sad mood with sad songs playin which prolly isn't helpin me. but i dont care at his point. tonight's gonna be a long night. this is a lil bit of what my bro wrote.."..and I have awesome friends who are always there to try to make me feel better. (even though most of the time I hide the pain and just pretend to act like I'm ok) The truth is lately, I haven't even wanted to be here...HERE...on this earth, living, breathing, existing.
I never thought I would be the one thinking about that huge bottle of sleeping pills and they looked like the way out one night. I know that's not the right thing to do, I really don't think I'd ever do that. It just runs across my mind every now and then.
My mom is not the same person that she used to be; it is literally tearing me apart. Her new persona is affecting not only me, but my entire family as well. I can only imagine how hard it is for my ciblings, they see her everyday. I'm not trying to paint her as this horrible ogre or demon that just destroys everything in their sight, I'm just saying that she is different, she's not the mother that I grew up with. My dad is changing now due to that too. He just goes along with whatever she says, really because I think he is tired of fighting with her. It's not like he isn't going to take her side anyway...they're a team...as would be expected."
thats only some of what he worte. well i'll end this awfuly long journal entry now.
i love yall ♥
love me ♥