In somnis veritas.
Translation: In dreams there is truth.
I have one more thing I feel the need to write before I go to bed.
Last night I had a dream. It was a birthday of mine or something. My family and closest friends were all there. Out of nowhere I knew that something important had happened before, perhaps some days prior.. some event that I was a major part of. A play? A ceremony? Something that was vital for the people closest to me to be at. We were eating dinner, or something. And out of nowhere, Edward came and sat to my left. Or maybe he'd always been sitting there. I'm not sure. Suddenly everyone else was gone, and he said something to me. A congratulations? [I'm getting a vague feeling that the ceremony might have had something to do with me getting published in the dream. But maybe I'm just trying to make sense of something senseless.] I turned my head in the opposite direction, blatantly ignoring him. I think he asked me why I wouldn't look at him. He was distressed by it, begging.. something. Forgiveness? Finally, after a heavy silence, I turned to him with tears in my eyes. He had missed the ceremony thing. It had been important to me for him to be there, but he'd deemed something else more important. It wasn't the first time he'd done something like this. Quietly, my voice choked by tears, I said, "Goodbye, Edward."
I woke up with my heart aching. I have no idea if it means I'm moving on or if I'm just as hung up on him as ever. I've tried not to think about him as much. I think I've mostly succeeded. But now and then I catch myself at it.. It creeps up on me.
I'm going to go read more of "Fool's Fate". Hopefully that will cheer me up. Provided that Fitz doesn't screw things up with the Fool even more. The dumbass.