and your the only one who knows
Well.
I have continued to spiral and sheltered myself out of shame from everyone. My family and friends.
My car was repoed yesterday, and my rent was due today...which I could not pay. Last week my electricity was cut off. I have ten days to get my car back. If I can come up with $9800. These are pretty much my weeks now. Biting my time I suppose.
I thought, my only good account, the credit line iopened to take care of my ex BF. He had bad back problems. Heating bads and over-the-counter meds did not help. So, I got him a bed. Well, allowed him to use my good credit (funny..."good credit...how my life has changed in a year) to fiance a bed.
I have not talked to him, thought I mis him everyday. I swear every inch of my body feels hollow, filled with my increasing drug problem purged with my constant battle with bulima. He promised to pay his payments.
I found out the last three months he had not paid. So, my last chance to refinance my car and save it. Gone.
I dont know who to talk to. Even if I did talk to my friends...what would they say?
I have ten dollars in my account, two cans of soup, three packages of oatmeal and half a jar of peanut butter. I have been weaning that. Maybe I can lose a few pounds out of this whole ordeal. A positve.
Gotta see some otehr positive from this. Then I remembered. I have people who get extreme pleasure in wishing the worst of me (and doing more than wishing on more than one occassion). So here it is. Bask in its happiness. Let it warm your skin and sink into your bones. That the smile on your face reading this provide some positive outcome.
Maybe then I will be allowed to sleep in a undrugged haze. Maybe then I can just stop feeling. Maybe.
And so it goes. And your the only one who knows.
I have continued to spiral and sheltered myself out of shame from everyone. My family and friends.
My car was repoed yesterday, and my rent was due today...which I could not pay. Last week my electricity was cut off. I have ten days to get my car back. If I can come up with $9800. These are pretty much my weeks now. Biting my time I suppose.
I thought, my only good account, the credit line iopened to take care of my ex BF. He had bad back problems. Heating bads and over-the-counter meds did not help. So, I got him a bed. Well, allowed him to use my good credit (funny..."good credit...how my life has changed in a year) to fiance a bed.
I have not talked to him, thought I mis him everyday. I swear every inch of my body feels hollow, filled with my increasing drug problem purged with my constant battle with bulima. He promised to pay his payments.
I found out the last three months he had not paid. So, my last chance to refinance my car and save it. Gone.
I dont know who to talk to. Even if I did talk to my friends...what would they say?
I have ten dollars in my account, two cans of soup, three packages of oatmeal and half a jar of peanut butter. I have been weaning that. Maybe I can lose a few pounds out of this whole ordeal. A positve.
Gotta see some otehr positive from this. Then I remembered. I have people who get extreme pleasure in wishing the worst of me (and doing more than wishing on more than one occassion). So here it is. Bask in its happiness. Let it warm your skin and sink into your bones. That the smile on your face reading this provide some positive outcome.
Maybe then I will be allowed to sleep in a undrugged haze. Maybe then I can just stop feeling. Maybe.
And so it goes. And your the only one who knows.