A walk down memory lane
Clearly it has been forever since I have wrote in this so called online journal. In the time I have lacked in writting online I kept updated in my actual journal. The real reason why I have even gotten online was to see my old journals and read my friends journals as well. It is very depressing to read some of them as they have so much emotion to them. In the time I have strayed from this site I have matured inso conqureing many battles in the mean time being defeated by many other things. Most if not nearly all my friends have gotten rid of this site, honestly I should too. There is just to many old thoughts that come to play when re-reading all of it. Till this day I often wonder if things had been different before would I today be spared the strife I bare now. Few people know what I am talking about and clearly mean but my heart and my mind clash more now then ever. I would love to inform you I am happy as happy can be, but that is just a small lie to the pile. I am happy for being alive and happy for my dreams but what I face day to day is uncertainty. Today I am ill with a cold and once more I have lost my voice. Although I have no voice I would give my heart if it meant I could hear someone's voice. People think I care not about it but really far to many weeks have passed and in my mind I just wish things were back a year ago that way I wouldn't have to comprehend the almost certain end now. I do not want it to end but fretfully I must comply to whatever can please and make him happy. I am tired of listening to people judge and criticize me. The reason why I would give my heart for him is so that I may stop the feeling that I crave and long for him. This is a new journal and yet alreayd adds to more depressing things but already I must come to a closier at this moment. I will try to update this a bit mroe frequently then years.