ouch.
It hurts when you're not the one, not the one he wants. But of course men always want things they can't have. I only wanted to be the one maybe even for a little while. Hoping, wishing, waiting...but I can't wait forever. It really hurts, because the signs were there, although I took them the wrong way. Hints, I thought, of emotions which now I see as false. When will it be my turn? I'm losing faith fast. I want to be desired, by someone that I'm equally desiring. I am loved, yes, but by a man in which I no longer want... maybe my timing is horrible. Did I become the hang out buddy...the girl who thinks she is moving towards a relationship by being 'the cool chick', when in fact she is becoming the coolest hang out buddy in the guy's eyes? Why are we so different? I over analyze emotions, feelings, every fucking word..when you, you are so simple. I know now, how you feel. You were too fucking embarrassed to tell me, thinking you were being considerate. Why can't I have your heart? I'm here, not her. But, I do understand, and I respect your decision. It has happened before, and every time it gets harder and hurts more. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Timing is everything. I walked out onto a limb that snapped from the weight it carried. Am I the one that amuses you? I can't sit here and be happy with what I am given....your friendship. I'd rather not be friends. It's not enough. I want more, and if I can't have what I want then I want nothing at all from you. I was willing to take the chance, but I see now that it's useless. I'm done. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to be made into a fool. Cant you see? It's boys like you that make me so paranoid of love. Now comes the hard part, seperating my thoughts and forgetting how you made me smile, how you made me laugh. And it's the hard part that will make me just that more bitter. Thanks for the lesson, I guess I needed it.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.