*So much for my perfect ending..

[sweet_kisses08]

I lead an absolutely boring life. Except for the fact that my boyfriend and I are "on a break" and my "best friend" is pissed off at me because we didn't break up for good, like her and her boyfriend. She tells me that she doesn't understand our logic, because he isn't and doesn't want to see anyone else on this break, and I'm not going to, nor do I want to. She just goes on and on about how he's just doing this now, because he doesn't want to kill me all at once, and that once he fucks some random girl, he's going to dump me, because I don't put out and he's not satisfied with me anymore, and that she's not going to be there when it happens, she's just going to laugh and say "told you so" Now, isn't that the kind of best friend all of you out there want to have? Also keep in mind that this was the same night that Joey and I went on the break, so I was already upset, and then this comes out. So, I run outside with my cell phone because I don't want my room-mate to know I'm about to start bawling and call Joey, and let him know what's going on. He talks to me for a little while, and then I'm okay. So he talks to her the next day at school because he's pissed she would think that about him, and she apologizes to him, and tells him that she didn't mean any of it, she's just upset about her and Matt breaking up and yada yada. Well, that was like three days ago, and she still has not spoken to me. I've IMed her online, because Joey said that she thinks I'm mad at her, which I'm not, I'm just upset that she would do that, and she won't answer me. So, right now, I'm saying fuck her. I don't know what's going to come of it, but who knows. I don't care right now, I don't need her if she's going to be shitty like that. But yeah, back to the me and Joey being on a break thing.. it sucks. Like, we didn't really see each other that often anyway, and when we did, we would argue (which is part of the reason for this) and now, I've seen him twice since we've done it, and we've been all lovey dovey and what not, and it makes me sad. We don't say I love you before we get off the phone anymore, and it's starting to tear me up inside. The only reason we don't is because it's making him upset, because he starts thinking about arguing and whatever, and he lost a lot of sleep over it, and didn't do some homework and yada yada, and he says that knowing this is taking place helps him, and knowing that it's going on and I'm not pursuing anyone else, and neither is he, puts him at ease. It doesn't really do that for me, but then again, I wasn't the one having problems with anything... I'm just trying to make the best of this, and hope it's all over soon, and we can be "official" again. It's just odd, because last night when we were together, we ended up making out and fooling around in my car in a local park for about an hour. =/ And we had a "talk" about things, and we've both decided that we want to have sex. It was the most awkward conversation I have ever had in my life, and I'm glad it's over with. I don't know when or if it's even going to happen, but all I know is that if someday we're fooling around.. it could lead to that, because we've talked about it now, and I've said I want to. He always said he would never say anything about it until I said I was ready, so now I don't know. He at first thought I was just saying it to get him to come back to me sooner, which I admit crossed my mind, but wasn't my intentions at all. In fact, I've wanted to talk about it for like 2 weeks now, but haven't been able to, and I figure since we were already talking about serious things, that it was the time. He was really shocked, but happy. He's wanted to for awhile, but he's a guy lol, but he never pressured me, and told me he'd wait until I was ready. I've always said that I would wait until I got married, but I just can't see that anymore. I'm such a different person these days, and it scares me a little, but excites me all at the same time. Who knows. Well, this ended up being a lot longer than I expected, and I'm sure I've bored anyone who was actually reading this, but I really needed and wanted to get all this out. So there. Julz, if you actually read all this, I love you :) and even if you didn't, I still love you! :D Now, here's a.. thing to entertain you! Take it and bold what's true about you and put it in your LJ! :D Oh, and maybe my life isn't that boring after all... hhmmm

1- i`m in love
2- i love country music
3- i have to get my own way all the time
4- i`m very opinionated
5- i have to kno everything..
6- i don`t like my music too loud
7- i`m a romantic
8- i sleep with my boyfriends sweatshirt & his stuffed animal
9- i`m daring
10- i like things to be organized & planned out
11- i hate racist people.
12- i`m christian, but don`t go to church
13- my favorite color is green
14- i have a lot of disney movies
15- i collect lucille ball stuff
16- i like to take pictures
17- i`m conceited
18- i love little kids
19- i look better with sunglasses on my head then over my eyes
20- i`m a big pasta eater
21- i hate spiders
22- i live on the computer
23- i have a cellphone but i can`t make it all pimped out
24- i watch maury & opra
25- i bite my nails
26- i have horrible mood swings
27- my favorite perfume is abercrombie 8
28- i love it when it rains REALLY hard
29- i don`t care about politics
30- i`m very open with people
31- i`ve cheated on previous boyfriends
32- i love romance movies
33- i`m scared for the future
34- i spend money too fast
35- i love massages all over
36- i sometimes write poetry
37- i`m addicted to flossing
38- i like purses
39- i think porn is funny
40- i want to go to college at UT or UW
41- baseball players turn me on
42- i get wedgies a lot
43- i love getting pedicures
44- i love the notebook
45- i love it when people play with my hair
46- i hate ppl with yellow teeth
47- i have a lot of pet peeves
48- i can be really kinky
49- i sometimes talk like a baby to be cute
50- i dance retarded
51- i`m almost addicted to ebay
52- i`m a wannabe football chick
53- i`m dating a quaterback
54- i like drawing house plans
55- i have a dorky laugh
56- i moan to turn my boyfriend on
57- i hate boys with red hair
58- i really love high heels
59- im chronicly depressed
60- i hate it when people say "lol" if something isnt funny
61- i never know when to shut up
62- most of the people i know, i dont really know
63- often i dont know the differences between reality, and imagination
64- my life will be pointless unless i do something that really matters
65- i love english
66- im scared of getting lost
67- im scared of being murdered
69- i think69 would be really difficult if it was a really short person, & a really tall person..
70- im excited for school
71- im a theater nerd
72- absolute music fan... i just cant make music.
73- i think rain is romantic
74- i HATE cheesy corny guys
75- guys that play soccer turn me on