happy? feel accomplished? whats next on ur agenda?
After i found out Jamal put the holes in his own wall.... Sam told me yes, he did do some and i saw those the first time i went there to get some of his stuff but left some stuff till the very end of the month. and when i went back it was in horrible condition. there were new holes and the apartment was in allot worse condition that it was left in. And Jamal should pay for the holes he made but not the ones Zach made while hes gone. And he also mentioned Zach ate all his food he left there. Jamal told him to go get all his canned foods and everything he bought so he went to get it and there was nothing there. And how pissed Jamal is that Zach never came to see him while he was in rehab because they were supposed to be such good friends. All his other friends visited him but not Zach. And he said Zach through a pity party about how he doesnt have any money because child support takes too much of his money out of his paycheck and leaves him with nothing to survive off of. But Sam told me he makes $400 a paycheck working where Jamal got him that job. And Zach told everybody child support takes half of his paycheck so he cant ever pay for his own apartment, cant get a vehicle, cant do anything for his self. But when I told Sam I would show him the child support papers, I only get 17% of his paycheck, not 50%! I get 17% because when i put child support on him we were still legally married so i didn't get the whole 21% I should have gotten in the first place. And also child support is based on him not having a job so im really only supposed to get like $90 a month from him but since he owes so much in back child support i get $60 a paycheck. Sam calculated it out and said, thats only like $240 a month he gets $400 a paycheck he should be able to pay for a apartment! And mind me say he gets a paycheck every week! And Sam goes, well maybe its because he gets child support taken out for Hanna... I said NO SAM, HE HAS CUSTODY OF HANNA, THEY STOPPED TAKING OUT CHILD SUPPORT FOR HER! He was like OMG ROSE HE IS SUCH A CON-ARTIST, i cant believe him he could look at us in the face and be soooo good at lying! So it just amazed me that I was even being told all this in the first place. They dont trust my word. I have to explain every single detail to them. Its sad. Its STUPID. WHO CARES ABOUT THE CANNED FOOD HE LEFT AT THE APARTMENT what did he think he was gana let Zach stay there and he wasn't gana eat it? He wasn't gon have people over? Of course he partied, of course he went hay wire in that apartment. DUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH, so and your point is? You both did that together! So what did you think was gana happen???? What about me during all this stupid drama? The affect its having on me? I understand it takes a while for drugs and alcohol and everything to completely get out of your system and for you to get back to the good person thats really inside you. So Jamal, if your reading this, (which i know you do) it just takes time. Hopefully you will get over your pride and apologize to me for betraying me when you knew how he was to begin with. Your dad apologized, and apologized for YOU but that doesn't count. Ive lost my trust in my older brother that I always looked up to. But as a good friend told me, it takes at least 6 months of alone time and clarity to get back to the good person you really have inside you. Now you realize how much of a retarded luni Zach is?
For Sam, You wana tell me this now? After my hearts already been torn to pieces? YOu don't think calling me and leaving messages and telling me all this stupidity is hurting me even more? You defending your son Jamal is hurting me even more. Hes the one who betrayed me. Hes in the wrong!!! Dont put all the blame on Zach, its Jamals fault too for being unfaithful to his sister. Yes, I admit Zach is the one who is REALLY behind all of this BS but it doesnt take a rocket scientist to fig out a bad person. After all Ive been through with him everybody should know.... But you calling me, telling me stuff, screaming on the phone without knowing, Its opening up more wounds I was just barely getting over knowing my brother is even communicating with Zach! I straight up told Sam, after I could get him to let me talk.... I said, ok, Zach and Jamal both put holes in the walls of the apartment together to see who could make the bigger hole. They BOTH did it. Stupid thing to begin with. Then when Jamal left to rehab and left the apartment to Zach, you think Zach's going to think its gana be a big deal if he makes another hole? Or another one and another one and another one? For Christ sake! They started off doing it together! oh... or is Jamal upset because putting holes in the walls was "there thing" and he cant believe he was doing "there thing" with other friends. I told Sam, if Jamal didn't want his apartment ruined then he shouldn't have started to ruin it in the first place, its immature and stupid. GROW UP. I told Sam, its common since, he put holes in the walls with Zach! So obviously Zach thought it was ok to put more holes shit Jamal don't care ill have more fun without him! HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOO. Sam kinda got offended and asked me if i was defending Zach, and he wouldn't let me talk kept sticking up for Jamal. Its not that i was defending Zach, its that I was pointing out COMMON FUCKING SINCE!!!! THERE BOTH IDIOTS! I said NO SAM, NOT STICKING UP FOR ZACH but its common since! STOP STICKING UP FOR SOMEONE WHO IS IN THE WRONG! Your putting all the blame on Zach and making it seem like Zach was such a good manipulator, con-artist that he fooled everybody - GRANTED yes he is, but yall knew yall were wrong for even being involved with a man that isnt there for his son, that beat me, that cheated on me, that played mind games with me, that ruined my credit and shit the list goes on. I said, right when you found out it was Zach that was in the back porch with Jamal, you should have put your foot down and told Jamal I DON'T WANT THAT GUY IN MY PROPERTY. But you didn't and that hurts me like never before. It hurts even more my family did this to me, more than when Zach had an affair, more than all the money he sucked out of me, more than me being sexually abused! MORE THAN ANYTHING. Point is... Sam and Jamal BOTH knew what they were doing getting involved with Zach. They knew in their heart it was wrong, but yet they ignored their heart and didn't care about me at the time. Honestly, i don't know if they even care about me now. But whats driving me off the wall is that Sam keeps trying to defend his self and Jamal for being conned into believing every word Zach said. That it wasn't their fault bc Zach seemed like such a nice guy. Its not their fault. But its not true. And im tired of being called and told all of this. I'm tired. Annoyed, and most of all HURT by my family. Zach did this on purpose to get to me and he accomplished his goal. He hurt me more than hes ever hurt me... by making my family break my heart.
isn't it a big SLAP in the face though, Jamal, Sam? Well.. it doesnt hurt as bad as what yall did to me.
I don't want to go through this anymore. And it seems like every time Sam calls me, I get hurt even more.
I have to fix this.
But you know what? Today is a new day. And i feel much better than i did yesterday. Might not seem like it, but I do.
For Sam, You wana tell me this now? After my hearts already been torn to pieces? YOu don't think calling me and leaving messages and telling me all this stupidity is hurting me even more? You defending your son Jamal is hurting me even more. Hes the one who betrayed me. Hes in the wrong!!! Dont put all the blame on Zach, its Jamals fault too for being unfaithful to his sister. Yes, I admit Zach is the one who is REALLY behind all of this BS but it doesnt take a rocket scientist to fig out a bad person. After all Ive been through with him everybody should know.... But you calling me, telling me stuff, screaming on the phone without knowing, Its opening up more wounds I was just barely getting over knowing my brother is even communicating with Zach! I straight up told Sam, after I could get him to let me talk.... I said, ok, Zach and Jamal both put holes in the walls of the apartment together to see who could make the bigger hole. They BOTH did it. Stupid thing to begin with. Then when Jamal left to rehab and left the apartment to Zach, you think Zach's going to think its gana be a big deal if he makes another hole? Or another one and another one and another one? For Christ sake! They started off doing it together! oh... or is Jamal upset because putting holes in the walls was "there thing" and he cant believe he was doing "there thing" with other friends. I told Sam, if Jamal didn't want his apartment ruined then he shouldn't have started to ruin it in the first place, its immature and stupid. GROW UP. I told Sam, its common since, he put holes in the walls with Zach! So obviously Zach thought it was ok to put more holes shit Jamal don't care ill have more fun without him! HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOO. Sam kinda got offended and asked me if i was defending Zach, and he wouldn't let me talk kept sticking up for Jamal. Its not that i was defending Zach, its that I was pointing out COMMON FUCKING SINCE!!!! THERE BOTH IDIOTS! I said NO SAM, NOT STICKING UP FOR ZACH but its common since! STOP STICKING UP FOR SOMEONE WHO IS IN THE WRONG! Your putting all the blame on Zach and making it seem like Zach was such a good manipulator, con-artist that he fooled everybody - GRANTED yes he is, but yall knew yall were wrong for even being involved with a man that isnt there for his son, that beat me, that cheated on me, that played mind games with me, that ruined my credit and shit the list goes on. I said, right when you found out it was Zach that was in the back porch with Jamal, you should have put your foot down and told Jamal I DON'T WANT THAT GUY IN MY PROPERTY. But you didn't and that hurts me like never before. It hurts even more my family did this to me, more than when Zach had an affair, more than all the money he sucked out of me, more than me being sexually abused! MORE THAN ANYTHING. Point is... Sam and Jamal BOTH knew what they were doing getting involved with Zach. They knew in their heart it was wrong, but yet they ignored their heart and didn't care about me at the time. Honestly, i don't know if they even care about me now. But whats driving me off the wall is that Sam keeps trying to defend his self and Jamal for being conned into believing every word Zach said. That it wasn't their fault bc Zach seemed like such a nice guy. Its not their fault. But its not true. And im tired of being called and told all of this. I'm tired. Annoyed, and most of all HURT by my family. Zach did this on purpose to get to me and he accomplished his goal. He hurt me more than hes ever hurt me... by making my family break my heart.
isn't it a big SLAP in the face though, Jamal, Sam? Well.. it doesnt hurt as bad as what yall did to me.
I don't want to go through this anymore. And it seems like every time Sam calls me, I get hurt even more.
I have to fix this.
But you know what? Today is a new day. And i feel much better than i did yesterday. Might not seem like it, but I do.