Crying...just, crying.
I really can't explain this whole crying thing right now. I really didn't want to write this entry because I didn't want to draw attention to myself or anything. I really hate the fact I'm writing this right now actually, It's more to get this mood off my chest than anything else.
It's hot and I can't get to sleep. I haven't slept well since the end of school. I should be sleeping better because it's summer. Nope. Not me. I just got done reading Rachel's story from St. Paul's and I just can't believe how much it touched me and I know it is what set me off tonight to be crying like this. One of my best friends almost died way back then and I'm griping about all these pathetic things in my life. I always get left out of stuff, rehearsals are slowly becoming more work than play and college visits are so overwhelming. Seriously, a few days ago I just decided not to eat...not to eat anything. I drank tons of water. That's it. Then I read Rachel's story and balled my eyes out. I cannot believe I even did that. Rachel, I love you so so so much. I just can't imagine a world without you and I am really wanting to hurt myself right now for even thinking about starving myself...ever. You are one of my greatest inspirations for pushing through such a tough time. <3
With that said I am going to bed because I'm in for more overwhelming crap tomorrow at college that I'm not even sure I want to go to. And also seeing as I have nothing better to do.
My heart really hurts right now. I want it to be in a production and I have not felt the same spark for Macbeth. I haven't even felt the same spark for the stage. I haven't even felt the same spark for being in a theater. That's not good...not good at all. I think it just hurt not to be involved with Festival and then not participate in the Spring production either. I had catching up to do with everyone and didn't do it. Congrats Megan, you're an outcast.
Dammit, today was supposed to be a good day and it's not...not at all. I'm staying here by myself for my one month anniversary because I am a huge push over and told Chris to go back home and hang out with everyone instead of me. I just can't be selfish ever. EVER.
And I'm done griping, as I said before people have more serious problems and mine really don't need to be addressed.
It's hot and I can't get to sleep. I haven't slept well since the end of school. I should be sleeping better because it's summer. Nope. Not me. I just got done reading Rachel's story from St. Paul's and I just can't believe how much it touched me and I know it is what set me off tonight to be crying like this. One of my best friends almost died way back then and I'm griping about all these pathetic things in my life. I always get left out of stuff, rehearsals are slowly becoming more work than play and college visits are so overwhelming. Seriously, a few days ago I just decided not to eat...not to eat anything. I drank tons of water. That's it. Then I read Rachel's story and balled my eyes out. I cannot believe I even did that. Rachel, I love you so so so much. I just can't imagine a world without you and I am really wanting to hurt myself right now for even thinking about starving myself...ever. You are one of my greatest inspirations for pushing through such a tough time. <3
With that said I am going to bed because I'm in for more overwhelming crap tomorrow at college that I'm not even sure I want to go to. And also seeing as I have nothing better to do.
My heart really hurts right now. I want it to be in a production and I have not felt the same spark for Macbeth. I haven't even felt the same spark for the stage. I haven't even felt the same spark for being in a theater. That's not good...not good at all. I think it just hurt not to be involved with Festival and then not participate in the Spring production either. I had catching up to do with everyone and didn't do it. Congrats Megan, you're an outcast.
Dammit, today was supposed to be a good day and it's not...not at all. I'm staying here by myself for my one month anniversary because I am a huge push over and told Chris to go back home and hang out with everyone instead of me. I just can't be selfish ever. EVER.
And I'm done griping, as I said before people have more serious problems and mine really don't need to be addressed.