* What if?!?*
Hmmm well I havent updated in awhile. Have you ever noticed that when there is a lot of stuff going on you cant even begin to find a place to start? Well thats me.... really its just from last nite though. I havent really slept that much this week... yup im a party girl...lol. No i just like to stay on the phone for like 4765569 hrs and then get up in the morning for work, trust me its great.
Well lets see all week long i have been thinking about Gary soo much honestly like every second of the day, thats really getting out of hand, but I have and i just dont know what to do. I think hes giving me false hope for us, and the fucked up thing about it is that I dont want ne one else at all. At least I havent met ne one that I want. I know that I could definitely be wrong about the false hope thing, but hey looking at the past it only seems right to assume the worst. Also I am the type of person that believes that actions speak louder than words and I guess sometimes thats true, but i cant decide in this case if it is. I mean I think that sometimes talking to Gary in the phone only makes things worse because i miss him, but at the same time sometimes I do want to talk to him. And so I pick up the phone to call him and i get the voice mail which of course just makes my mind start to wander I dont know why I am like that but I am trying to break out of that but it is definitely hard. Anyways so like any normal person would do I leave a voice mail.... needless to say that was Thursday and I have yet to receive a call from him. I dont know about all that. I mean I am trying not to expect to much from him because he is not my boyfriend but if you're talking the talk then walk the fucking walk you know. I dunno. The next time hes coming home is in May.... i dunno how things are going to be then if im not feeling a slight effort now. Chelsea is soooo right it drives me crazy..lol. She knows all the right logical things which always stops me dead in our tracks of going crazy and jumping to 578976 million conclusions. What the hell would I do without her?!? lol Anyways so thats the Gary update
Im going on a date tonight.... I dunno man o man. Thats a long a complicated story but that was to be expected this is my life we're talking about here. I talked to that guy until 6 tis morning and we talked about Gary too..... he made good points but that doesnt take away from the fact that its still there and not going ne where. I guess we will see tonight.
I hung out with JuJuan the other night, that was fun. I was supposed to go visit him at work but I woke up today at like 3...so thats not really going to happen. lol Maybe next time.
Sorry I keep jumping from one thing to another but that is just the way my mind is working right now. lol
Last nite was ok. Mels and I were together.....and I really think that when ppl are going to talk shit about other ppl first of all they need not to make it so damn obvious and they need to not do it about 2 ex best friends who know their ways....duh. Some ppl I swear. Anyways Mels how do we always get stuck at dumb ass bon fires???
I am of course pissed at Dan again. Some people need to use their common sense I swear. Grr
Well wish me luck for tonite. I dunno wat else to write. Im all out of words right now...prolly because I am still half sleep.
**Quote for today I made up***
*Maybe I miss you and maybe you miss me, but i dont miss who u are i miss who u used to be*
Talk to ya later
Jessica Sumpter is mah bitch... no shes my baby! I owe her 49847696 apologies. I love u Jess. Im sorry
Well lets see all week long i have been thinking about Gary soo much honestly like every second of the day, thats really getting out of hand, but I have and i just dont know what to do. I think hes giving me false hope for us, and the fucked up thing about it is that I dont want ne one else at all. At least I havent met ne one that I want. I know that I could definitely be wrong about the false hope thing, but hey looking at the past it only seems right to assume the worst. Also I am the type of person that believes that actions speak louder than words and I guess sometimes thats true, but i cant decide in this case if it is. I mean I think that sometimes talking to Gary in the phone only makes things worse because i miss him, but at the same time sometimes I do want to talk to him. And so I pick up the phone to call him and i get the voice mail which of course just makes my mind start to wander I dont know why I am like that but I am trying to break out of that but it is definitely hard. Anyways so like any normal person would do I leave a voice mail.... needless to say that was Thursday and I have yet to receive a call from him. I dont know about all that. I mean I am trying not to expect to much from him because he is not my boyfriend but if you're talking the talk then walk the fucking walk you know. I dunno. The next time hes coming home is in May.... i dunno how things are going to be then if im not feeling a slight effort now. Chelsea is soooo right it drives me crazy..lol. She knows all the right logical things which always stops me dead in our tracks of going crazy and jumping to 578976 million conclusions. What the hell would I do without her?!? lol Anyways so thats the Gary update
Im going on a date tonight.... I dunno man o man. Thats a long a complicated story but that was to be expected this is my life we're talking about here. I talked to that guy until 6 tis morning and we talked about Gary too..... he made good points but that doesnt take away from the fact that its still there and not going ne where. I guess we will see tonight.
I hung out with JuJuan the other night, that was fun. I was supposed to go visit him at work but I woke up today at like 3...so thats not really going to happen. lol Maybe next time.
Sorry I keep jumping from one thing to another but that is just the way my mind is working right now. lol
Last nite was ok. Mels and I were together.....and I really think that when ppl are going to talk shit about other ppl first of all they need not to make it so damn obvious and they need to not do it about 2 ex best friends who know their ways....duh. Some ppl I swear. Anyways Mels how do we always get stuck at dumb ass bon fires???
I am of course pissed at Dan again. Some people need to use their common sense I swear. Grr
Well wish me luck for tonite. I dunno wat else to write. Im all out of words right now...prolly because I am still half sleep.
**Quote for today I made up***
*Maybe I miss you and maybe you miss me, but i dont miss who u are i miss who u used to be*
Talk to ya later
Jessica Sumpter is mah bitch... no shes my baby! I owe her 49847696 apologies. I love u Jess. Im sorry