(no subject)
I’ve been having those feelings again, where I’m not worth what I want to be worth, like I don’t deserve to get what I want and be happy because every time things seem to go my way someone or something seems to change or change it and it never ends up going my way, just makes me that much more quiet.
Also don’t feel like what I need to get out and tell people is worth their time, every time I try to tell the ones that mean the most about what I want to tell them I get brushed off, interrupted and I’m too soft to say something about it, just let them go on while what I needed to say is forgotten about.
Its happened a lot this week and I don’t think the people are realizing they are doing it, makes me feel like I should just stop trying, continue to just listen and take in everything like I always seem to do.
I’m here for people to talk, rant, cry, and babble, anything and they all know this. I want them too because I know its better to get things out instead of holding it in, but you know sometimes I need someone to just sit and listen to me too, I don’t want to talk through aim about things anymore when I can just as easily talk face to face if these people would just listen and stop interrupting.
But then again its what makes me think my thoughts don’t matter, that I really am the stupid person people seem to make me feel with simple little comments.
I have put myself down so much that my social life sucks because I’m just scared of getting hurt, and every time I finally go out, I do get hurt and it makes me just want to stay at home, here where no one can hurt me, my safe place.
Parents think I’m a loser for it, I know they do so cant convince me other wise. Always asking why I don’t have a life but never ask me how I feel, just calls me white trash for sitting here, like that helps any? Just makes me feel like I have one less place to turn to, and I don’t feel pretty to begin with and being called white trash when I know I’m not doesn’t help that.
People tell me I am all the time, and yet why cant I get anyone to look at me in anything more then a friend? And when I do they either have a girlfriend I don’t know about or they want to ‘hide me’ which just makes everything so much fucking better.
I’m 18 now, and when people ask what I’m going to do the rest of my life, all I can say is I don’t know, too stupid to pass math in High school so I dropped and now I’ll be trying for my GED, after that? How should I know? I just get those “you’re a disappointment” looks and the conversation is over.
Thought about deleting this, so it doesn’t waist anyone’s time, but seeing how it’s the only way for me to get what I feel out I’m just going to post it anyway. So now that I’m all in a slump and feeling all emo I’m going to go lay down and watch some stupid show on the TV.
Also don’t feel like what I need to get out and tell people is worth their time, every time I try to tell the ones that mean the most about what I want to tell them I get brushed off, interrupted and I’m too soft to say something about it, just let them go on while what I needed to say is forgotten about.
Its happened a lot this week and I don’t think the people are realizing they are doing it, makes me feel like I should just stop trying, continue to just listen and take in everything like I always seem to do.
I’m here for people to talk, rant, cry, and babble, anything and they all know this. I want them too because I know its better to get things out instead of holding it in, but you know sometimes I need someone to just sit and listen to me too, I don’t want to talk through aim about things anymore when I can just as easily talk face to face if these people would just listen and stop interrupting.
But then again its what makes me think my thoughts don’t matter, that I really am the stupid person people seem to make me feel with simple little comments.
I have put myself down so much that my social life sucks because I’m just scared of getting hurt, and every time I finally go out, I do get hurt and it makes me just want to stay at home, here where no one can hurt me, my safe place.
Parents think I’m a loser for it, I know they do so cant convince me other wise. Always asking why I don’t have a life but never ask me how I feel, just calls me white trash for sitting here, like that helps any? Just makes me feel like I have one less place to turn to, and I don’t feel pretty to begin with and being called white trash when I know I’m not doesn’t help that.
People tell me I am all the time, and yet why cant I get anyone to look at me in anything more then a friend? And when I do they either have a girlfriend I don’t know about or they want to ‘hide me’ which just makes everything so much fucking better.
I’m 18 now, and when people ask what I’m going to do the rest of my life, all I can say is I don’t know, too stupid to pass math in High school so I dropped and now I’ll be trying for my GED, after that? How should I know? I just get those “you’re a disappointment” looks and the conversation is over.
Thought about deleting this, so it doesn’t waist anyone’s time, but seeing how it’s the only way for me to get what I feel out I’m just going to post it anyway. So now that I’m all in a slump and feeling all emo I’m going to go lay down and watch some stupid show on the TV.