I cried when you left....
OMG Kayla! What a great weekend I had with you here. I was so sad to see you leave, that yes I cried. I miss you so much girl, and the more we are apart, the more I see ourselves drifting apart. Im not trying to say its not the same with you around, because it is. Just sometimes feel like "Vag" is taking the place or "role" I was meant to fill. However, I couldn't be more happy, that she is there for you, taking care of you, and such. I just miss that about us, I miss the closeness. Its not just with you, with nicole, and everyone. Lately all Ive wanted to do is just quit school, and open my arms to my friends so that it might be the same like it was back in high school. I know its just the distance thats doing this to me, thats causing me to be homesick. But my gosh! No one tells you when you go to school 400 miles away that you will miss your friends and family this much! Someone should warn you of that before you leave. I suppose I can't blame anyone but myself, I knew this would happen to me eventually. The constance in my life is no longer constant, and I miss that and so desprately im trying to hold on.
On a side note, what is it about me that can not hold onto a man, or even find one that I see myself with long term. Is it because I am afraid of long term? I cant see to find the guy that is my best friend, a guy that will be there until the end. I must say, in my failed attemts, I try to do that with my ex boyfriends, but does not work out so well. Am I just setting these guys I meet up to run away as soon as I speak to them. Kayla I wanna be like you, wild and free, not worry in life, and a circle of guy friends that just love my company. I cant seem to find my wild and free side, and break away from this life I have set for myself. Even though school is the best thing for me tight now, I also know how important it is for me to have a social life again. The only way to be free to me, if to give up school, or atleast go part time, and really experience life the way I should be. Im scared that I might wake up one day and regret not having a "free" life, where I had no care in the world, where I had a huge circle of friends just because I was AWESOME, and because they adored who I am. I dont think I am awesome, I dont think I am adorable, and that prpoably why I am not in the position I am now. Too many times I have set myself to be strong, to be professional, independent, and dedicated. But right now, all I want to be is weak, and ill-tempered, and free. I wanna let it all go, and not give a fuck anymore about anything. I wanna say fuck school, I miss my friends, Im going home, and do it. Or say fuck it, Im tired of studying, I need a drink, and go out and get one. But I cant, my heart tells me its not the right thing to do. Pehaps once I am done with scool I can do just that, and just accept the fact that my life is going to suck for the next 2 years. I can't, dont want to, but I have to! Im still young, its not like I am "past my prime" and cant still go out and have fun, Im only 22 and by the time I graduate I will be 24! I still have plenty of time to be free and experience life. So I suppose I will put my life on hold while I finish school and then be who ever I wanna be. Pehapy by then I will be earning more that 100 a week and have the means, finically, to DO something.
Now that I have that off my mind and on my post, I will talk about the best concert ever this weekend. I might add also, that it was a free concert! I had won Gwen Stefani tickets off the radio (suprised)and told kayla I wanted her to go with me. She was the only person that I could think of that apprecated her as a person, and loved her music, even from the begining of No Doubt. She put on a great show, Harajuku Lovers Tour! We had alright seats, but the 2 old ladys that seemed to be missinformed that is is a concert that YOUNG people go to, and kept bumping in to kayla. :( sorry gurl. We still enjoyed the show just as much, she looks so cute, and adorable! I think she played just about every song on her album with a lot of costume changes. She had breakdancers, Harajuku girls ofcours, all the way for Tokyo. I told kayla in the begining, I bet when she does Holla Back Girl she will have a marching band some out on stage. And sure enough, she had a drum line with Quads, snars, base, everything it was a great end to the concert. Brought back my HS band days. I know, such a nerd, and damn proud of it! :P The BEP(Black Eyed Peas) opend for her, and ofcourse they were awesome as well. When they did My Humps, kayls said, Oh, I didn't know they sang this song :P hehe It was so cute to see the chick singer (dont know her name :P) shaking her little hump on stange. I must say I enjoyed shaking my large lump, I mean hump also :P We had a lot of fun, and I am glad I got to spend it with my best friend. I wish I had an extra ticket so that nicole could go:P she woule have liked it too. Well, I think im all out of workds now, I think I might go work on some homework, or say fuck it and go..... buy .... something LOL Miss ALL of you, I hope ALL of you are well. Take care. Maybe I will see some of you durring the holidays. Bye! :D
On a side note, what is it about me that can not hold onto a man, or even find one that I see myself with long term. Is it because I am afraid of long term? I cant see to find the guy that is my best friend, a guy that will be there until the end. I must say, in my failed attemts, I try to do that with my ex boyfriends, but does not work out so well. Am I just setting these guys I meet up to run away as soon as I speak to them. Kayla I wanna be like you, wild and free, not worry in life, and a circle of guy friends that just love my company. I cant seem to find my wild and free side, and break away from this life I have set for myself. Even though school is the best thing for me tight now, I also know how important it is for me to have a social life again. The only way to be free to me, if to give up school, or atleast go part time, and really experience life the way I should be. Im scared that I might wake up one day and regret not having a "free" life, where I had no care in the world, where I had a huge circle of friends just because I was AWESOME, and because they adored who I am. I dont think I am awesome, I dont think I am adorable, and that prpoably why I am not in the position I am now. Too many times I have set myself to be strong, to be professional, independent, and dedicated. But right now, all I want to be is weak, and ill-tempered, and free. I wanna let it all go, and not give a fuck anymore about anything. I wanna say fuck school, I miss my friends, Im going home, and do it. Or say fuck it, Im tired of studying, I need a drink, and go out and get one. But I cant, my heart tells me its not the right thing to do. Pehaps once I am done with scool I can do just that, and just accept the fact that my life is going to suck for the next 2 years. I can't, dont want to, but I have to! Im still young, its not like I am "past my prime" and cant still go out and have fun, Im only 22 and by the time I graduate I will be 24! I still have plenty of time to be free and experience life. So I suppose I will put my life on hold while I finish school and then be who ever I wanna be. Pehapy by then I will be earning more that 100 a week and have the means, finically, to DO something.
Now that I have that off my mind and on my post, I will talk about the best concert ever this weekend. I might add also, that it was a free concert! I had won Gwen Stefani tickets off the radio (suprised)and told kayla I wanted her to go with me. She was the only person that I could think of that apprecated her as a person, and loved her music, even from the begining of No Doubt. She put on a great show, Harajuku Lovers Tour! We had alright seats, but the 2 old ladys that seemed to be missinformed that is is a concert that YOUNG people go to, and kept bumping in to kayla. :( sorry gurl. We still enjoyed the show just as much, she looks so cute, and adorable! I think she played just about every song on her album with a lot of costume changes. She had breakdancers, Harajuku girls ofcours, all the way for Tokyo. I told kayla in the begining, I bet when she does Holla Back Girl she will have a marching band some out on stage. And sure enough, she had a drum line with Quads, snars, base, everything it was a great end to the concert. Brought back my HS band days. I know, such a nerd, and damn proud of it! :P The BEP(Black Eyed Peas) opend for her, and ofcourse they were awesome as well. When they did My Humps, kayls said, Oh, I didn't know they sang this song :P hehe It was so cute to see the chick singer (dont know her name :P) shaking her little hump on stange. I must say I enjoyed shaking my large lump, I mean hump also :P We had a lot of fun, and I am glad I got to spend it with my best friend. I wish I had an extra ticket so that nicole could go:P she woule have liked it too. Well, I think im all out of workds now, I think I might go work on some homework, or say fuck it and go..... buy .... something LOL Miss ALL of you, I hope ALL of you are well. Take care. Maybe I will see some of you durring the holidays. Bye! :D