reflections
The stillness has got me thinking tonight, serious thoughts but with a light and extremely happy heart. It's a day till Christmas.. 7 days till the end of the year. The Christmas tree is glowing on the other side of the room (minus a strand of lights that has randomly quit working), presents are wrapped, and i have been enjoying time with family and friends, just relaxing and talking and catching up and enjoying one another. Tonight, between last minute wrapping, movies, food, playing around on the internet, and trying to finish up a scarf for my dad for Christmas, I have just been thinking about life and about the past year.
I came across a quote today that unseated me in a pleasant sort of way. It was plastered across a picture of some people playing on a sailboat and it said, "You only live once, but if you play it right, once is enough."
I would like to just give a few minutes to the realization of that line. It's a good line. I was thinking about the last year, and all the moments of life that have made it so that once is enough, and all of the desires I have for the kind of full life that will speak of that when it is over.
It has been an incredibly rich year. I wrote a thesis, organized and produced a successful and immensely fun benefit, made new friends, graduated from college, was in the wedding of a best friend, fell in love, went to the other side of the country, went to Africa. That's a pretty good year, I would say!
Then there are the smaller moments... meeting a very different-from-me stranger who immediately felt like a friend, laughing hard and loud till there were tears streaming down my face, post-run showers in a waterfall, communion served huddled in the floor of a dark apartment in the middle of the night, love letters, the beach at night, leaning against lifelong friends, feeling the love of God in the arms of a little girl. Attempting to dance with an African. Hahaha. Singing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" by myself, undone at the thought behind the words. Waking up to the worship of 125 orphans who can drown out a thunderstorm. Feeling God listen.
Geez. Do not ever let me forget to be thankful.
There have (of course) been struggles, some of them not small. The heart issues of my dad, the heartache of my mom, the dissolution of a family, the serious health struggles of a young and dear family member, the loss of a dear friend.. but God has been near to them all. And He is familiar with suffering, and is the best of all comforts. And all of this, too, is a part of that full life. Somehow I get that, at the moment.
I have not been who I've wanted to be, these past few weeks. I have been scared and struggling, and though that is okay- and part of life- it's been with old demons that I just couldn't shake, and I sometimes forget that the cure for it sometimes isn't waiting for change but has to simply be siezing control and saying stop it. Mmm. Relief from that is sweet.
All of this has made me think about the kind of person I want to be. I desire to be a person who does not think about herself; who laughs hard and long, who is bold, who tells the truth even when it costs, who is passionate and not mindful of people watching. Who has strong personality, quirks, inconsistencies, depth. Who plays a lot, laughs a lot, is a little bit wreckless, enjoys life, who will shoot down a person who's asking for it and pick up a person who isn't expecting it. Who does not change depending upon who she's around. Who will be real and challenging and who loves hard. Whose faith in God will move mountains out of the way. That is the kind of life that I want. If you play it right, once is enough. Can we work on that? Thanks.
A lot of reflection/introspection for one night.. a lot of wordiness. ;)
Meanwhile there are brownies in the kitchen, movies to watch, a scarf to finish, a lovah to locate on the phone and it is officially CHRISTMAS EVE!
Merry Christmas, loves!
I came across a quote today that unseated me in a pleasant sort of way. It was plastered across a picture of some people playing on a sailboat and it said, "You only live once, but if you play it right, once is enough."
I would like to just give a few minutes to the realization of that line. It's a good line. I was thinking about the last year, and all the moments of life that have made it so that once is enough, and all of the desires I have for the kind of full life that will speak of that when it is over.
It has been an incredibly rich year. I wrote a thesis, organized and produced a successful and immensely fun benefit, made new friends, graduated from college, was in the wedding of a best friend, fell in love, went to the other side of the country, went to Africa. That's a pretty good year, I would say!
Then there are the smaller moments... meeting a very different-from-me stranger who immediately felt like a friend, laughing hard and loud till there were tears streaming down my face, post-run showers in a waterfall, communion served huddled in the floor of a dark apartment in the middle of the night, love letters, the beach at night, leaning against lifelong friends, feeling the love of God in the arms of a little girl. Attempting to dance with an African. Hahaha. Singing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" by myself, undone at the thought behind the words. Waking up to the worship of 125 orphans who can drown out a thunderstorm. Feeling God listen.
Geez. Do not ever let me forget to be thankful.
There have (of course) been struggles, some of them not small. The heart issues of my dad, the heartache of my mom, the dissolution of a family, the serious health struggles of a young and dear family member, the loss of a dear friend.. but God has been near to them all. And He is familiar with suffering, and is the best of all comforts. And all of this, too, is a part of that full life. Somehow I get that, at the moment.
I have not been who I've wanted to be, these past few weeks. I have been scared and struggling, and though that is okay- and part of life- it's been with old demons that I just couldn't shake, and I sometimes forget that the cure for it sometimes isn't waiting for change but has to simply be siezing control and saying stop it. Mmm. Relief from that is sweet.
All of this has made me think about the kind of person I want to be. I desire to be a person who does not think about herself; who laughs hard and long, who is bold, who tells the truth even when it costs, who is passionate and not mindful of people watching. Who has strong personality, quirks, inconsistencies, depth. Who plays a lot, laughs a lot, is a little bit wreckless, enjoys life, who will shoot down a person who's asking for it and pick up a person who isn't expecting it. Who does not change depending upon who she's around. Who will be real and challenging and who loves hard. Whose faith in God will move mountains out of the way. That is the kind of life that I want. If you play it right, once is enough. Can we work on that? Thanks.
A lot of reflection/introspection for one night.. a lot of wordiness. ;)
Meanwhile there are brownies in the kitchen, movies to watch, a scarf to finish, a lovah to locate on the phone and it is officially CHRISTMAS EVE!
Merry Christmas, loves!