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so i closed this journal a long time ago & opened another one. i permitly deleted that one because i was worried who might find it. im back to this after years of leaving because i need somewhere to get everything out once again. im realizing that i have made a mistake in my life. its one of those life shaddering mistakes. i wouldn't give up the guy i had for the one i have always wanted because i was scared that he would hurt me & i thought the guy i had was the one i wanted now. i was so wrong and bof course i have realized this too late. he offered me a year ago for more than fucking. offered to put his heart on the line & i shot him down. he has moved on & found someone new & now i realize the one i have is not the one i want. the one i need. i need the one who makes me laugh who i just think about & i get goose bumps & butterflies in my stomache. i need the one that when he kisses me the feeling makes me fly. not the one i cant even stand any more. but im afraid of being alone so i wont leave the one i have even though ninety five percent of the time all i want to do is punch him in the face. he uses me & takes me for granted & yet still i can't leave him. i took the one i hade for granted that he would always be there for me to go running to when ever i was un happy with the one im with & now he's not...i dont know what to do any more.
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