control on a canvas

[smerfgoddess227]

I throw the paint onto the canvas
Waiting for that sound
The satisfying sound of my only control

It’s exhilarating eliminating imperfections
But I melt as I wish
I could erase more
Cover up the past, guilt
Hunger for things I knew I’d never get

I look down at my hands
Callused, knuckles white from gripping the brush
They are my tool
The reason for every mistake I have made
As unsteady as a sand castle in a hurricane

But when I fall
Each and every time I find myself crashing
To this Earth
A world built on a foundation of pain and forgotten dreams
They are what keeps me from breaking
They are what brings me back up

They are what lets me know that this is only temporary
They say keep falling, keep throwing
Keep coloring the universe with pigments of anger and jealousy

I throw more paint onto the canvas
I feel my tools at work
This is me, this is my only control