(no subject)
I feel rather lost. Kind of... adrift. And it's strange because I'm not at all lost and yet I am very much so. It's like... I know this is the last year. I know this is the last time that my high school friends and I are going to be all together at the same time. Ever. I've known that since I was little. But that doesn't help you prepare for the feeling of losing while gaining. Senior year is a paradox. You're getting ready to leave. And sometimes it makes me really happy but others it makes me really fucking sad or mad or worried or anxious. I think I'll do an exchange type of thing in college. I have to. I dunno why. But I do. Speaking of paradoxes, there seem to be a lot of them running into me, blundering around not knowing what they're doing. I wonder if he's leading me on. I wonder if he even realizes that sometimes he seems to be flirting with me. Maybe I'm taking it the wrong way - who knows? He knows I like him. Apparently he HAS known. And yet I'm still confused and clueless. And adrift.