I'm fat
I'm not really sure how to start this.
I have been fat my entire adult life. I went from being in child sizes in 5th grade to having to shop in adult fat lady sizes by 7th grade.
I have tried diets, changing eating habits, exercising, etc. It has always been, maybe not easy for me to lose weight, but possible when I'm very disciplined. My problem is I back slide when I start succeeding.
I got down to my lowest weight since high school last January. The first time I could shop in the not fat girl section. I was feeling good about myself. I got rid of all my size 24 pants and relished in the size 14 I was in for the first time I can remember. I was eating right, exercising, mentally pretty good.
Fast forward a few months. Covid hit. I started working even more - my job decided they were essential- and could no longer workout. I was still eating ok. Not cheating on diet so much and not watching calories anymore.
Fast forward again and I picked up a third job taking care of my mother in law. I had been doing that two days a week but the other people all quit, went back to school, never showed and I fired her, etc. So I went from one or two days to three, four, or five days. So I'm already working Andy 29 hours, JoAnn I had to only work 3 days but three 8 got shifts, so I could work Ellie the other 4.
My stress level started going up so I started sliding back into comfort eating. Justifying eating crap or not watching portion sizes. What actually got me the most was the stress around the election. And now it's the after election and Trump crap that is getting to me.
Everything is making me eat my stress and feelings. I must get back on track! I can not continue like this. I know I'm blaming stress eating but a part of me is also scared to not be fat. Fat is part of my identity. Fat is my norm but I don't want it to be. Evidently "I don't want it to be" enough.
I feel like I've gained myself again.