2 Decades and counting.
I had a great time this year...really haven't got a clear idea why though. Perhaps it's the fact that I've come closer terms to who I am. It's hard for myself to accept who I am, not to mention friends around me. But recently I felt the urge to let a primary sch fren of mine know about me. We met up for dinner at east coast and then I slowly led her into the topic of homosexuality. Thank god she's gay-friendly, but it wasn't so 2 yrs ago! Back in college, she ever asked me a question.....during the period when leslie cheung died, She said 'You okay? u know what happened right?' SO I told her I'm okay and not affected lar. (What has being gay gotta do with getting affected by leslie cheung's death? I don't get affected when Anwar was caught... neither do i care when saddam lost... =x )
Anyway, the point it she accepted it well when i finally told her more about myself. Despite knowing each other for 8-9 years, we really didn't know very in depth of one another. But that night made up for all the unspoken conversations we wished we had held before. Then I told her about P, and she felt happy for me. I could feel the genuine happiness, I knew the barrier between our friendship was broken.
I've been feeling lazy, not enough exercise. It's disgusting to see the flabs building up. It's depressive. Got to find my motivation soon.
Well this year, much has been achieved. Since my last birthday, I went to Taiwan for mountain training plus good fun during RnR. I went to Brunei for jungle training plus exploring the oily country during RnR... or rather MnM (museum n mosque). The best part about training? unbreakable friendships formed.
Back in Singapore, I was presented Platoon best, and was sent for SOH interview. Although I performed way below par during the interview, but i was satisfied enough to have achieved what i set out right from the start, at least an SOM. I felt recognised for my efforts in the army. Others see me as a garang soldier. Then again, garang and stupidity is only a fine line. I certainly have crossed the line more than once. Soon after the interview came commissioning parade and commissioning ball. The weather on the day of parade was perfect and our parade turned out well. It is the best farewell gift we can ever give ourselves.
Taiwan
Brunei
Commissioning Parade
Commissioning Ball
So, I've made it through another phase of my life. Being competitive me, I have done well for this phase as a cadet. And i move on with that 1 bar of responsibility on me. When first introduced to 2SIR, I behaved as regimentally as i did back in OCS. I demanded more discipline and regimentation. It didn't last long. People around me have told me that unit life and school life is different. My instructor whom I look upon tell me we should impose all the regimentation on the soldiers in unit. My struggle now is... regimentation or minimal regimentation?
4months+ into officership, what I've achieved is not obvious and not satisfactory... at least to me. It takes time to gain the respect of my men, and it's not through welfare that we gain respect from them. I'm just impatient. Meanwhile, it's difficult to work with a higher commander who don't receive alot of respect from me. I'll just have to constantly check back on myself.... doing the right thing for the right purpose.
I have been blessed to have met many friends or to reunite with many friends whom i didn't know well even though we rubbed shoulders before. Getting involved with UAN, getting in touch with all the performing arts and all... then weidong, alfian, jian lun, tidus, alex, shou chen, jason, ash, ks, sam, pierre, david, melvin, melvin, melvin, brian, joe, jay, vince and a few more i can't recall their names or I missed out.
I've been blessed almost all my life. Thus far.