Jul 14, 2006 22:22
i got back from taking all those pictures today
and my mom just started talking about how we had to go school shopping.
and my dad asked if i had read the manual yet for next year
and my buppa started talking about it and asking questions
and something just snapped.
i can't even take the idea anymore.
i can pretend its not happening for as long as i want
at least until summer ends.
and then i have to snap back to reality.
its like when i go home tomorrow,
and leave this BEAUTIFUL place that i can't seem to ever get enough of
i'll be put back into that world
where i have to worry about everything
always always worrying.
and i dont want to be kicked out of my own home.
i dont want to.
i just don't.
this whole time they told me they wouldn't make me do anything i didn't want to
and then they forced me to fill out an application
then slowly took things away
telling me "you can do that again if you agree to go"
they bribed me.
"if you go i'll buy you a car"
oh. ok, dad! sure!
the worst part is i can't even count how many times i balled my eyes out in front of them and begged them not to make me go.
and here i am.
leaving in just over a month.
to live on my own with no private life whatsoever. at all.
i get to see the inside of my room every saturday night, not even that much.
i can't see my dog or go across the street to kayla whenever i want.
i can't lay in the yard and read or climb the tree and just sit and watch the time pass.
i won't be able to any of those things.
i'm SO SICK of hearing "oh but its such a great opportunity!"
FUCK. THAT.
i DONT CARE about opportunity. i can get into a decent college and do what i want to do from the school that i'm in now. from the place where i have my real FRIENDS.
i never thought it was possible for me to cry in maine.
but i guess it is.