walk into the club like whatup i like to suck d [1/?]
greetings fandom - i am so very sorry.
Baekhyun was so busy sucking dick that he barely even noticed what the other guy was doing.
"You're tho good..."
You fucking bet I am, thought Baekhyun.
"Oh, tho thexy... I love your thpit on my DNA rifle..."
Thpit? DNA rifle..?
"You better thuck my 100% beef thermometer all night, thlut."
Did he just call his dick a beef thermometer?
"Mm, yeth, you like that, don't you, thpeedthtick-thucker? Yeah-"
"If you say another word with an 's' sound in it I'll thplit your DNA rifle in half," he interrupted, dick still in hand as he looked up with the sweetest expression.
Standing up then, he shifted over to look at his reflection in the tinted windows of the building they stood beside, shoving the skinny kid with a lisp away so he could get a better view of his hair.
"Wait, what wath your name again?" asked the lispy little shit, reaching for Baekhyun's arm.
Without looking, Baekhyun tugged his arm away and readjusted his leather jacket, turning around to get a scope of his ass in the reflection. Damn I look good in tight jeans.... He thought to himself, smirking.
"I'm the BJ King," he said finally, turning and heading off to the entrance of the club without so much as a glance.
The lispy little shit watched him go like
BJ King Baekhyun strutted into the club with only a single thing in mind.
And he meant business.
Weaving through the crowd of drunken dancers, he made his way to the bar off to the side, ordering a gayass cocktail before turning around to scope the room. In the center, he saw the two most famous strippers in town dancing to DJ Luhan's newest single, I Feel So Good I'm Manly.
The god among insects, Kai
And the somehow-still-can't-get-layd, Lay
And together, dancing sensually inside a cage with stripper poles lining the middle, they performed one of the most erotic teases mankind had ever seen.
Kai's finishing pose was as though an angel had descended from the heavens and had placed himself on earth...
Baekhyun found himself quite suddenly getting more than a little hot and bothered at the sight, and came to a very important conclusion...
It was dick hunting season.
Meanwhile, at the other side of the club...
Chanyeol was in anguish.
"Thorry, Yeol, but I knew you wouldn't come if I told you it wath a normal bar."
"You're not even into girls, Sehun, why are we here?!"
Sehun scoffed, putting a hand on his hip and raising a brow, "I'm perfectly thtraight, Yeol. I'll have you know I'm tailing that thexy beauty right over there," he said firmly, waggling his eyebrows and gesturing over to the left. Looking over in the same direction, Chanyeol saw
Groaning, he cupped his face in his palms, "Sehun, that's a guy."
"What? No, that ith definitely a girl."
"Guy."
"Girl!"
"It's a guy-"
"Thut up, you thtupid giant," Sehun hissed, scowling at Chanyeol and looking even angrier than usual, "I'll go theduce her and get laid tonight and prove it to you!"
Before Chanyeol could even begin to protest, Thehun had marched off towards the guy, who happened to already be dancing with someone else.
When Sehun realized that the thexy beauty he had his eyes on was already dancing with someone else, he knew he had to turn up the heat and spark some competition. So, straightening his clothes and making his best thex face, he danced towards them like
And Sehun was all
The music was so loud, however, that thtupid Thehun wasn't able to properly hear Luhan's voice, and so did not recognize that he was - in fact - a guy.
Chanyeol, who had been watching from his corner, silently wished his not-so-much-pussy-more-like-dick game was as strong as Sehun's. To ease the throes of loneliness he decided to go get a drink from the bar.
While Chanyeol had been watching the spectacle of his friend lisp his way into someone's pants, Baekhyun had been watching the spectacle of Kai the stripper dancing his way into everybody's pants.
Every face he made turned Baekhyun on even more.
Amazing.
He was rather enjoying himself, save for the growing discomfort of his rather tight - and getting rather tighter if you know what I'm saying - skinny jeans, until he felt a hand on his shoulder.
Glancing over with a furrowed brow, BJ King Baek was greeted by the bartender, whose owlish eyes narrowed while he offered a lazy grin.
part two
this was written a longtime ago but i thought 'hey maybe the fandom will find this funny or they'll have my head on a spike who knows' so here you go.
Baekhyun was so busy sucking dick that he barely even noticed what the other guy was doing.
"You're tho good..."
You fucking bet I am, thought Baekhyun.
"Oh, tho thexy... I love your thpit on my DNA rifle..."
Thpit? DNA rifle..?
"You better thuck my 100% beef thermometer all night, thlut."
Did he just call his dick a beef thermometer?
"Mm, yeth, you like that, don't you, thpeedthtick-thucker? Yeah-"
"If you say another word with an 's' sound in it I'll thplit your DNA rifle in half," he interrupted, dick still in hand as he looked up with the sweetest expression.
Standing up then, he shifted over to look at his reflection in the tinted windows of the building they stood beside, shoving the skinny kid with a lisp away so he could get a better view of his hair.
"Wait, what wath your name again?" asked the lispy little shit, reaching for Baekhyun's arm.
Without looking, Baekhyun tugged his arm away and readjusted his leather jacket, turning around to get a scope of his ass in the reflection. Damn I look good in tight jeans.... He thought to himself, smirking.
"I'm the BJ King," he said finally, turning and heading off to the entrance of the club without so much as a glance.
The lispy little shit watched him go like
BJ King Baekhyun strutted into the club with only a single thing in mind.
And he meant business.
Weaving through the crowd of drunken dancers, he made his way to the bar off to the side, ordering a gayass cocktail before turning around to scope the room. In the center, he saw the two most famous strippers in town dancing to DJ Luhan's newest single, I Feel So Good I'm Manly.
The god among insects, Kai
And the somehow-still-can't-get-layd, Lay
And together, dancing sensually inside a cage with stripper poles lining the middle, they performed one of the most erotic teases mankind had ever seen.
Kai's finishing pose was as though an angel had descended from the heavens and had placed himself on earth...
Baekhyun found himself quite suddenly getting more than a little hot and bothered at the sight, and came to a very important conclusion...
It was dick hunting season.
Meanwhile, at the other side of the club...
Chanyeol was in anguish.
"Thorry, Yeol, but I knew you wouldn't come if I told you it wath a normal bar."
"You're not even into girls, Sehun, why are we here?!"
Sehun scoffed, putting a hand on his hip and raising a brow, "I'm perfectly thtraight, Yeol. I'll have you know I'm tailing that thexy beauty right over there," he said firmly, waggling his eyebrows and gesturing over to the left. Looking over in the same direction, Chanyeol saw
Groaning, he cupped his face in his palms, "Sehun, that's a guy."
"What? No, that ith definitely a girl."
"Guy."
"Girl!"
"It's a guy-"
"Thut up, you thtupid giant," Sehun hissed, scowling at Chanyeol and looking even angrier than usual, "I'll go theduce her and get laid tonight and prove it to you!"
Before Chanyeol could even begin to protest, Thehun had marched off towards the guy, who happened to already be dancing with someone else.
When Sehun realized that the thexy beauty he had his eyes on was already dancing with someone else, he knew he had to turn up the heat and spark some competition. So, straightening his clothes and making his best thex face, he danced towards them like
And Sehun was all
The music was so loud, however, that thtupid Thehun wasn't able to properly hear Luhan's voice, and so did not recognize that he was - in fact - a guy.
Chanyeol, who had been watching from his corner, silently wished his not-so-much-pussy-more-like-dick game was as strong as Sehun's. To ease the throes of loneliness he decided to go get a drink from the bar.
While Chanyeol had been watching the spectacle of his friend lisp his way into someone's pants, Baekhyun had been watching the spectacle of Kai the stripper dancing his way into everybody's pants.
Every face he made turned Baekhyun on even more.
Amazing.
He was rather enjoying himself, save for the growing discomfort of his rather tight - and getting rather tighter if you know what I'm saying - skinny jeans, until he felt a hand on his shoulder.
Glancing over with a furrowed brow, BJ King Baek was greeted by the bartender, whose owlish eyes narrowed while he offered a lazy grin.
part two
this was written a longtime ago but i thought 'hey maybe the fandom will find this funny or they'll have my head on a spike who knows' so here you go.