Of Pantry Trolls & Noodles
sebaek, vaguely implied sekai | pg-13 | fluff/fantasy
Pantry trolls were greedy, clingy, and also very territorial - of snacks and of their resident people, apparently.
a birthday present for sehoon! i'm sorry that this is short and messy, you deserve something better - however i assure you it still has a lot of love and that i did try to make it appealing and funny for you! i hope you like it, happy birthday, laura!
Note: this is the theme song Sehun is singing
Baekhyun was not fat - he was pleasantly plump.
It wasn't like he didn't get enough exercise, anyway. He got plenty just in waddling to and from and kitchen...when he dared to leave the confines of the pantry, that is. It was really starting to become a hassle to avoid being seen, though, what with his arms full of chip bags and crackers boxes and the occasional tub of ice cream, all while shuffling hurriedly across the dark hallway. To make matters worse, Baekhyun was terribly clumsy and often dropped a thing or two on his busy way, cringing at the clatter of his precious snacks against the wooden floor.
It was hard being a pantry troll.
"Not again," muttered a disgruntled Sehun, frowning down at the mess of crumbs dotting the hallway. With an impatient sigh he stepped over them, padding the rest of the way into the kitchen and setting the groceries in his arms onto the counter. He didn't know how Jongin managed to make such a mess every single time he visited, but sure enough every evening when Sehun got home from work there would be some trace of the slob around the apartment.
"I should never have given him the extra key..." Sehun said to himself, gathering the crumbs into a dustpan and neatly sweeping them into the trash. He glanced up at the ticking clock secured on the wall, and suddenly a wide grin spread across his lips. It was almost nine - which meant it was almost time for his favorite show - and instantly all thoughts of Jongin were gone.
Excitedly Sehun began to rummage through the grocery bags and fetch this and that around the kitchen, eventually making his way to the couch and settling with cucumber slices, baby carrots and a bowl of dip. Clicking on the television, he flipped to the channel just in time to catch the opening theme.
"What I want, yeah I get it!" sang out Sehun in time to the theme music, "Yeah, that's right I said it!"
He stuffed three cucumber slices into his mouth at once while wiggling to the tune.
"Live the life you wish you had, sugar, spice, and everything!"
He tossed up his arms enthusiastically, singing around the cucumber in his mouth.
"B-b-b-bad girls, lookin' so tough - don't you wish you could roll with us? Lots of haters can't get enough, welcome to the bad girls club!" nearly knocking over the dip in his lap while striking a pose, he called out the final words with all the sass and gusto he could muster, "Baaaaad giiiiirls~"
It was season 3 - his favorite season - and Natalie Nunn, his boo, was parading around looking fabulous in a bikini. Life couldn't get any better than this.
Half an hour later, when shit was going down, Sehun was in an outrage. How dare anyone be rude to his boo Natalie and insult her chin! Sure, it was kind of unnaturally pointy and looked a bit like a reversed pyramid but it was cute and majestic and that bitch insulting her had the cheapest weave of the entire season who did she think she was to insult THE Natalie Nunn who ran L.A and--
"That girl better get her mattress thrown in the pool."
"Amen to that, sister," Sehun agreed while angrily chewing a carrot, gaze fixated on the screen. It took him a minute before he remembered he was home alone. Like he always was on Bag Girls Club night. Sehun stopped chewing.
Hesitantly he turned his head, glancing down at the floor beside the couch. There, crouched in an ugly pink sweater Sehun was sure he'd lost from when he was a child, was a little... thing.
It was aggressively munching on a baby carrot, staring with a frown at the tv. The illumination from the screen cast dark shadows along the little thing's face, and Sehun could hardly see anything underneath the mop of curly reddish hair that hung messily over it's eyes. Sehun's jaw went slack and his eyes wide, but the little thing didn't seem to be paying him any mind.
"Uh," he murmured slowly, shifting on the couch to peer over the armrest, "'Sup?"
The little thing's head jerked to look up at Sehun, staring at him mid-munch and with startled, black eyes. A moment crept between them, silent save for the squawking of bad bitches being, well, bad from the tv.
Then all at once the little thing bounced up, carrot still clutched between his short fingers, and he stumbled off across the apartment. Craning his neck over the back of the couch, Sehun watched as short legs carried the little creature, squat and no bigger than a large teddy bear, away into the dark hallway. There was a clatter that sounded like a rickety door opening, and then another as it was shut. He could hear thumps and thuds as things from shelves tumbled down, and a soft oompf in response - then silence.
Sehun blinked at the stillness. Steadily he turned his head to look at the still-playing episode of Bad Girls Club, watching the tv mournfully a second before he looked back out into the hallway. He quickly decided, however much he loved his boo Natalie, it was time to investigate.
So up he got and away he crept, long legs sneaking across the apartment in an almost cartoonish gait till he reached the hallway. Then he remembered the crumbs from earlier, coincidentally left right in front of the door of the old pantry he never opened. Oh.
With a grumpy frown he creaked open the door, leaning in timidly, and in a corner he saw the little thing, huddling in the too-big pink sweater in a ring of strewn snack boxes and packages.
"Don't take away my snacks!" wailed the little thing desperately, hugging a Cheerios box tightly to his chest.
Sehun couldn't help but awwww loudly, expression softening and posture relaxing at the sight. The little thing glared up at him and seemed offended.
"So you've been the one taking all my food. I thought it was Jongin--"
"FINDERS KEEPERS, THEY'RE MINE! I FOUND THEM, THEY'RE ALL MINE!"
"--And that's where that sweater went. I thought I'd never see it again--"
"ALSO MINE I FOUND IT TOO."
"--I see my sour cream and onion chips from Tuesday there behind you, too--"
"THEY BELONG TO ME."
"--Oh! All the juice boxes I bought last month! Well, some of them. I knew Jongin couldn't have drank thirty-two juice--"
"I HAVE OWNERSHIP OF THE JUICE BOXES."
"--And... Hey wait, is that an entire cheesecake?"
"MINE."
"What are you, even? You're so greedy. Do you even have a job, I mean, really, come on--"
"Oh, I'm Baekhyun the pantry troll, pleased to meet you. My job is theft on my own behalf. I've been living in this pantry since-- NO, DON'T TOUCH MY CRACKERS."
It didn't take long for Sehun to discover that pantry trolls didn't really like to share.
But they did like to cuddle, almost as much as they liked snacks.
"Friendly Noodle!"
It had been a little over a month since Sehun had began trying to peacefully coexist with his resident pantry troll.
"Friendly Noodle, where are you?"
It had taken three boxes of Cheerios, six chocolate brownies, and a jumbo pack of deluxe crackers before the pantry troll had started to take a liking to Sehun.
"Are you home, Friendly Noodle?"
Little Baekhyun had said that Sehun reminded him of a noodle, but one with a pointy face and a bit of mold at the top for hair. Sehun just told himself he looked like his boo Natalie Nunn and took it as a compliment. It had earned him a new nickname, however.
"FRIENDLY NOODLE!"
"What is it, Baekhyun?! I'm trying to read!"
From the inside of the closet, Sehun could only hear a muffled thumping that he recognized as Baekhyun waddling hurriedly across the house. A few seconds later there was a demanding knock on the closet door.
"Why're you in a closet?"
"Because you never leave me alone."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
"I wanted to read!"
"Don't be silly, noodles can't read."
"Baekhyun, you do realize I'm not actually a noodle, right?"
"Oh," Baekhyun huffed a laugh, "Sure. Why're you so long and skinny then, hmm smarty pants?" Sehun had a theory that the only reason Baekhyun liked him at all was because he was convinced Sehun was actually a talking noodle.
Sighing and admitting defeat, Sehun clicked off his flashlight and shoved the closet door open. Baekhyun, barely reaching Sehun's knees in height, was standing in all his little glory with a beaming smile, and upon seeing the resident person he lifted up his short arms in what Sehun knew was the pick-me-up gesture. He couldn't help but smile.
Pantry trolls were lucky their adorable balanced out their annoying.
Awkwardly shuffling out of the confines of the closet, Sehun got up and stretched, barely able to put his book on the dresser before tiny, sweater-covered hands were pawing at him (Baekhyun's arms were too short for the fuzzy pink cat sweater he'd stolen, so the sleeves hung over the tips of his fingers - Sehun figured that was why he was clumsy about grabbing snacks and was how he managed to drop everything).
Scooping up the needy pantry troll, Baekhyun snuggled into his side in a koala-cling, ruffling Sehun's shirt so that he could feel the rough jeans of Baekhyun's legs against his stomach. Sehun knew that underneath the fuzzy sweater Baekhyun wore a pair of denim overalls - Sehun had rolled them up at the ankles for him so he'd stop tripping constantly.
He made his way onto the bed, pantry troll tucked in his arm, and settled against the headboard, combing his fingers through the mess of curly hair atop Baekhyun's head. It wasn't long before Baekhyun began his routine cuddling process, nuzzling into Sehun's side and squeaking happily. Across the small apartment, Sehun could hear the opening and closing of the front door.
"Honey, I'm home~"
Jongin. What an asshole.
"We're in here, in the bedroom!"
"I thought bedroom activities were only for me," went Jongin's muffled laughter, the sound of footsteps getting louder. When he poked his head through the doorway, Sehun had already prepared a grumpy face and a roll of the eyes in response.
"Awww," Jongin tried to coo, only to be cut short with a venomous glare from Baekhyun. Pantry trolls were greedy, clingy, and also very territorial - of snacks and of their resident people, apparently. Sehun gently stroked the back of the pantry troll's neck to distract him. With a final grouchy huff in Jongin's direction, Baekhyun went back to snuggling into Sehun's side, stretching up to press his tiny face into the crook of Sehun's neck.
"Why's he always do that? Nuzzle into your neck like that?"
"He says he likes the way I smell."
Jongin grinned, "He likes the twink stank."
"Oh my god, Jongin."
"Bitches love twink stank."
Pantry trolls were greedy, clingy, and also very territorial - of snacks and of their resident people, apparently.
a birthday present for sehoon! i'm sorry that this is short and messy, you deserve something better - however i assure you it still has a lot of love and that i did try to make it appealing and funny for you! i hope you like it, happy birthday, laura!
Note: this is the theme song Sehun is singing
Baekhyun was not fat - he was pleasantly plump.
It wasn't like he didn't get enough exercise, anyway. He got plenty just in waddling to and from and kitchen...when he dared to leave the confines of the pantry, that is. It was really starting to become a hassle to avoid being seen, though, what with his arms full of chip bags and crackers boxes and the occasional tub of ice cream, all while shuffling hurriedly across the dark hallway. To make matters worse, Baekhyun was terribly clumsy and often dropped a thing or two on his busy way, cringing at the clatter of his precious snacks against the wooden floor.
It was hard being a pantry troll.
"Not again," muttered a disgruntled Sehun, frowning down at the mess of crumbs dotting the hallway. With an impatient sigh he stepped over them, padding the rest of the way into the kitchen and setting the groceries in his arms onto the counter. He didn't know how Jongin managed to make such a mess every single time he visited, but sure enough every evening when Sehun got home from work there would be some trace of the slob around the apartment.
"I should never have given him the extra key..." Sehun said to himself, gathering the crumbs into a dustpan and neatly sweeping them into the trash. He glanced up at the ticking clock secured on the wall, and suddenly a wide grin spread across his lips. It was almost nine - which meant it was almost time for his favorite show - and instantly all thoughts of Jongin were gone.
Excitedly Sehun began to rummage through the grocery bags and fetch this and that around the kitchen, eventually making his way to the couch and settling with cucumber slices, baby carrots and a bowl of dip. Clicking on the television, he flipped to the channel just in time to catch the opening theme.
"What I want, yeah I get it!" sang out Sehun in time to the theme music, "Yeah, that's right I said it!"
He stuffed three cucumber slices into his mouth at once while wiggling to the tune.
"Live the life you wish you had, sugar, spice, and everything!"
He tossed up his arms enthusiastically, singing around the cucumber in his mouth.
"B-b-b-bad girls, lookin' so tough - don't you wish you could roll with us? Lots of haters can't get enough, welcome to the bad girls club!" nearly knocking over the dip in his lap while striking a pose, he called out the final words with all the sass and gusto he could muster, "Baaaaad giiiiirls~"
It was season 3 - his favorite season - and Natalie Nunn, his boo, was parading around looking fabulous in a bikini. Life couldn't get any better than this.
Half an hour later, when shit was going down, Sehun was in an outrage. How dare anyone be rude to his boo Natalie and insult her chin! Sure, it was kind of unnaturally pointy and looked a bit like a reversed pyramid but it was cute and majestic and that bitch insulting her had the cheapest weave of the entire season who did she think she was to insult THE Natalie Nunn who ran L.A and--
"That girl better get her mattress thrown in the pool."
"Amen to that, sister," Sehun agreed while angrily chewing a carrot, gaze fixated on the screen. It took him a minute before he remembered he was home alone. Like he always was on Bag Girls Club night. Sehun stopped chewing.
Hesitantly he turned his head, glancing down at the floor beside the couch. There, crouched in an ugly pink sweater Sehun was sure he'd lost from when he was a child, was a little... thing.
It was aggressively munching on a baby carrot, staring with a frown at the tv. The illumination from the screen cast dark shadows along the little thing's face, and Sehun could hardly see anything underneath the mop of curly reddish hair that hung messily over it's eyes. Sehun's jaw went slack and his eyes wide, but the little thing didn't seem to be paying him any mind.
"Uh," he murmured slowly, shifting on the couch to peer over the armrest, "'Sup?"
The little thing's head jerked to look up at Sehun, staring at him mid-munch and with startled, black eyes. A moment crept between them, silent save for the squawking of bad bitches being, well, bad from the tv.
Then all at once the little thing bounced up, carrot still clutched between his short fingers, and he stumbled off across the apartment. Craning his neck over the back of the couch, Sehun watched as short legs carried the little creature, squat and no bigger than a large teddy bear, away into the dark hallway. There was a clatter that sounded like a rickety door opening, and then another as it was shut. He could hear thumps and thuds as things from shelves tumbled down, and a soft oompf in response - then silence.
Sehun blinked at the stillness. Steadily he turned his head to look at the still-playing episode of Bad Girls Club, watching the tv mournfully a second before he looked back out into the hallway. He quickly decided, however much he loved his boo Natalie, it was time to investigate.
So up he got and away he crept, long legs sneaking across the apartment in an almost cartoonish gait till he reached the hallway. Then he remembered the crumbs from earlier, coincidentally left right in front of the door of the old pantry he never opened. Oh.
With a grumpy frown he creaked open the door, leaning in timidly, and in a corner he saw the little thing, huddling in the too-big pink sweater in a ring of strewn snack boxes and packages.
"Don't take away my snacks!" wailed the little thing desperately, hugging a Cheerios box tightly to his chest.
Sehun couldn't help but awwww loudly, expression softening and posture relaxing at the sight. The little thing glared up at him and seemed offended.
"So you've been the one taking all my food. I thought it was Jongin--"
"FINDERS KEEPERS, THEY'RE MINE! I FOUND THEM, THEY'RE ALL MINE!"
"--And that's where that sweater went. I thought I'd never see it again--"
"ALSO MINE I FOUND IT TOO."
"--I see my sour cream and onion chips from Tuesday there behind you, too--"
"THEY BELONG TO ME."
"--Oh! All the juice boxes I bought last month! Well, some of them. I knew Jongin couldn't have drank thirty-two juice--"
"I HAVE OWNERSHIP OF THE JUICE BOXES."
"--And... Hey wait, is that an entire cheesecake?"
"MINE."
"What are you, even? You're so greedy. Do you even have a job, I mean, really, come on--"
"Oh, I'm Baekhyun the pantry troll, pleased to meet you. My job is theft on my own behalf. I've been living in this pantry since-- NO, DON'T TOUCH MY CRACKERS."
It didn't take long for Sehun to discover that pantry trolls didn't really like to share.
But they did like to cuddle, almost as much as they liked snacks.
"Friendly Noodle!"
It had been a little over a month since Sehun had began trying to peacefully coexist with his resident pantry troll.
"Friendly Noodle, where are you?"
It had taken three boxes of Cheerios, six chocolate brownies, and a jumbo pack of deluxe crackers before the pantry troll had started to take a liking to Sehun.
"Are you home, Friendly Noodle?"
Little Baekhyun had said that Sehun reminded him of a noodle, but one with a pointy face and a bit of mold at the top for hair. Sehun just told himself he looked like his boo Natalie Nunn and took it as a compliment. It had earned him a new nickname, however.
"FRIENDLY NOODLE!"
"What is it, Baekhyun?! I'm trying to read!"
From the inside of the closet, Sehun could only hear a muffled thumping that he recognized as Baekhyun waddling hurriedly across the house. A few seconds later there was a demanding knock on the closet door.
"Why're you in a closet?"
"Because you never leave me alone."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
"I wanted to read!"
"Don't be silly, noodles can't read."
"Baekhyun, you do realize I'm not actually a noodle, right?"
"Oh," Baekhyun huffed a laugh, "Sure. Why're you so long and skinny then, hmm smarty pants?" Sehun had a theory that the only reason Baekhyun liked him at all was because he was convinced Sehun was actually a talking noodle.
Sighing and admitting defeat, Sehun clicked off his flashlight and shoved the closet door open. Baekhyun, barely reaching Sehun's knees in height, was standing in all his little glory with a beaming smile, and upon seeing the resident person he lifted up his short arms in what Sehun knew was the pick-me-up gesture. He couldn't help but smile.
Pantry trolls were lucky their adorable balanced out their annoying.
Awkwardly shuffling out of the confines of the closet, Sehun got up and stretched, barely able to put his book on the dresser before tiny, sweater-covered hands were pawing at him (Baekhyun's arms were too short for the fuzzy pink cat sweater he'd stolen, so the sleeves hung over the tips of his fingers - Sehun figured that was why he was clumsy about grabbing snacks and was how he managed to drop everything).
Scooping up the needy pantry troll, Baekhyun snuggled into his side in a koala-cling, ruffling Sehun's shirt so that he could feel the rough jeans of Baekhyun's legs against his stomach. Sehun knew that underneath the fuzzy sweater Baekhyun wore a pair of denim overalls - Sehun had rolled them up at the ankles for him so he'd stop tripping constantly.
He made his way onto the bed, pantry troll tucked in his arm, and settled against the headboard, combing his fingers through the mess of curly hair atop Baekhyun's head. It wasn't long before Baekhyun began his routine cuddling process, nuzzling into Sehun's side and squeaking happily. Across the small apartment, Sehun could hear the opening and closing of the front door.
"Honey, I'm home~"
Jongin. What an asshole.
"We're in here, in the bedroom!"
"I thought bedroom activities were only for me," went Jongin's muffled laughter, the sound of footsteps getting louder. When he poked his head through the doorway, Sehun had already prepared a grumpy face and a roll of the eyes in response.
"Awww," Jongin tried to coo, only to be cut short with a venomous glare from Baekhyun. Pantry trolls were greedy, clingy, and also very territorial - of snacks and of their resident people, apparently. Sehun gently stroked the back of the pantry troll's neck to distract him. With a final grouchy huff in Jongin's direction, Baekhyun went back to snuggling into Sehun's side, stretching up to press his tiny face into the crook of Sehun's neck.
"Why's he always do that? Nuzzle into your neck like that?"
"He says he likes the way I smell."
Jongin grinned, "He likes the twink stank."
"Oh my god, Jongin."
"Bitches love twink stank."