to fag, from queer
I still stand behind what i say, your a FUCKING coward. Think whatever you want and say whatever you have to say to hurt my feelings. I know what its like to be betrayed and left behind and forgotten about and thats exactly what your doing to me and thats exactly what you think im doing to you.
I never said what we had was a lie, the thought never crossed my mind. But i've said it to you countless times, you can't have a relationship without passion or spark. I saw you as my brother, my protector, my savior. When i was going through those aweful moments with Peter, you were always there to cheer me up. You were there to tell me everything was going to be okay and your right. everything was okay. Thats why i was always with you. Cause you made me feel safe and you were my comfort, you were my sunshine. You were my Jacob. It may not be the relationship you want but its the only one i can offer.
I know you treated me great, why do you think i miss you so much? I can't even hold my tears everytime someone says your name or asks me where you are. It hurts that you left me here alone. It may seem like im having fun and going out but it keeps me from staying home and crying. I hate staying home when i have problems cause i hate thinking about what i did to you. I feel so guilty that i cant feel the same way. but it doesnt mean i dont love you any less.
How dare you say that i went boy crazy. I never slept around or even talked to a guy when you were around. I never even did it when you weren't around. I make perverted comments cause its funny. Don't take it to heart. You know thats how i joke around. And the things i tell you or my options about a guy were told out of confidence, i never meant to make it seem like thats what i wanted out of you. I learned my lesson from my past relationship and we already talked about this! Most of my fights before with him was about money and how he spent it. My parents fight about money to. I dont want to be stuck in a relationship with debt and me paying for everything. its understandable, so dont you fucking dare say its just about money. Life isn't rainbows and sunshine and just runs on love alone. Love is part of it but sometimes that isnt enough. Wanting to find someone who has everything isnt a bad thing and you make me feel so guilty for wanting it all.
If i were so shallow, i would be with the first cute guy i saw. IF I WERE SO FUCKING SHALLOW, I would have done something with Darren and tried to have his baby to get his family's money. If i were so fucking shallow, i would have fucked every guy i thought was cute. If it were about money, i would be with Gerard or someone with a good job wouldnt I?!? If it were about looks, i would have gone for that skim eye candy and fucked him right!! fuck you for saying im shallow gil! If you think i hung out with you alot cause i didn't want to be alone, then your a fucking idiot. FUCK YOU FOR EVEN THINKING THAT. FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE THIS.
i know i can't ask you to stay with me, i know that. i dont want to hurt you anymore...i just dont think i could function properly if your not in my life =(
who's going to call me gay everytime i do my one leg dance in the middle of the where ever? Who's going to tell my im pretty when i say "tell me im pretty" then call me gay again? who's going to pick me up and play loud obnoxious mixes when honestly, they all sound the same? what am i going to do with the missing guitarist when we play rockband? When i say thats horrible, who's going to be there to say thats terrible! I dont know anyone else with a perverted grandpa that offers me food in the middle of the night.
im sorry that this happened to us. i miss you and i dont want you to think i gave up on you. I never tried to give up on you. im still not giving up on you. im giving you your time, but i dont know how long i will give you. maybe im being selfish but i refuse to stop believing that your my bestfriend.
im sorry.
I never said what we had was a lie, the thought never crossed my mind. But i've said it to you countless times, you can't have a relationship without passion or spark. I saw you as my brother, my protector, my savior. When i was going through those aweful moments with Peter, you were always there to cheer me up. You were there to tell me everything was going to be okay and your right. everything was okay. Thats why i was always with you. Cause you made me feel safe and you were my comfort, you were my sunshine. You were my Jacob. It may not be the relationship you want but its the only one i can offer.
I know you treated me great, why do you think i miss you so much? I can't even hold my tears everytime someone says your name or asks me where you are. It hurts that you left me here alone. It may seem like im having fun and going out but it keeps me from staying home and crying. I hate staying home when i have problems cause i hate thinking about what i did to you. I feel so guilty that i cant feel the same way. but it doesnt mean i dont love you any less.
How dare you say that i went boy crazy. I never slept around or even talked to a guy when you were around. I never even did it when you weren't around. I make perverted comments cause its funny. Don't take it to heart. You know thats how i joke around. And the things i tell you or my options about a guy were told out of confidence, i never meant to make it seem like thats what i wanted out of you. I learned my lesson from my past relationship and we already talked about this! Most of my fights before with him was about money and how he spent it. My parents fight about money to. I dont want to be stuck in a relationship with debt and me paying for everything. its understandable, so dont you fucking dare say its just about money. Life isn't rainbows and sunshine and just runs on love alone. Love is part of it but sometimes that isnt enough. Wanting to find someone who has everything isnt a bad thing and you make me feel so guilty for wanting it all.
If i were so shallow, i would be with the first cute guy i saw. IF I WERE SO FUCKING SHALLOW, I would have done something with Darren and tried to have his baby to get his family's money. If i were so fucking shallow, i would have fucked every guy i thought was cute. If it were about money, i would be with Gerard or someone with a good job wouldnt I?!? If it were about looks, i would have gone for that skim eye candy and fucked him right!! fuck you for saying im shallow gil! If you think i hung out with you alot cause i didn't want to be alone, then your a fucking idiot. FUCK YOU FOR EVEN THINKING THAT. FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE THIS.
i know i can't ask you to stay with me, i know that. i dont want to hurt you anymore...i just dont think i could function properly if your not in my life =(
who's going to call me gay everytime i do my one leg dance in the middle of the where ever? Who's going to tell my im pretty when i say "tell me im pretty" then call me gay again? who's going to pick me up and play loud obnoxious mixes when honestly, they all sound the same? what am i going to do with the missing guitarist when we play rockband? When i say thats horrible, who's going to be there to say thats terrible! I dont know anyone else with a perverted grandpa that offers me food in the middle of the night.
im sorry that this happened to us. i miss you and i dont want you to think i gave up on you. I never tried to give up on you. im still not giving up on you. im giving you your time, but i dont know how long i will give you. maybe im being selfish but i refuse to stop believing that your my bestfriend.
im sorry.