a little bit of ranting and a rancid smell in the air
so in the past year i have gone through more shit emotionally than i have ever gone through in my entire life and that is by no means an exageration. Towards the begining of the year things were fine, and i didnt really care about much, during the summer things started to go to shit (most if not all of you know why so im not going to reiterate) and in the past few months there have been more ups and downs in my emotional roller coaster than all the amusement parks combined. And now, thankfully we have started a new year, one that for me and all the other seniors will pretty much end on may 26th (our last day of school for anyone thats a little slow) and i am dreading that day more than any day thus far. My life right now is at a sort of plateau. I dont have a job but i usually have money, i dont have a girlfriend but i dont find myself constantly lonely, and i have many friends but i dont find my time stretched to thin. So there you see my plateau. As of right now there are three major things that i am looking for, Number 1 is a job (dont care were) Number 2 is a relationship, not a girlfriend or a friend with benifits but an actual relationship. something that isnt based around sex, but rather the fact that i love her and she loves me. I dont know i guess i just need someone that i can confide in (and yes i know it sounds like im contradicting myself on the not being lonely but im really not) and be with, someone that i fell i can tell anything and not have to worry about them thinking less of me. And finally number 3 is the obvious thing for all seniors and that is to graduate and hopefully attend college. Also with my 18th birthday quickly approaching i feel even more of a pressure to get a job and try to do something that i feel will make my parents proud of me, not something that they seem proud for but something that actually makes them proud. Also i am sick of borrowing money from people (mainly my parents but also my friends) because it takes me a long time to pay off people (sorry joe). well since my back is starting to hurt a little and i want to watch my movie, i am going to let you all go now. I love you all