Fic for scribophile
Title: Meridian
Author: __marcelo
Recipient's name: scribophile
Fandom: House
Characters: House/Wilson
Rating: PG13, mention of slash and criminal activities of the not-unexpected variety.
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Summary: At least there aren't any sharks.
Notes: Many thanks to browncoatrebel for her extraordinary help. I couldn't have finished this piece without her.
The two men were in a raft, floating in the middle of who knows where. The sun was shining, the current rocked the boat gently, and a soft breeze carried far away the sound of the men's bickering.
"House, we are floating in a raft in the middle of who knows where."
"No. Really? I hadn't noticed. Must have been all the sea around us. It
distracted me."
"I just wanted to remark on the fact. You are without a doubt the worst pirate I've ever seen." Wilson crossed his arms, sulking.
"Have you known many pirates?"
"Stop doing that thing with your eyebrow. It's distracting."
"I'm not doing anything with my eyebrow."
"There, you just did it again. I can't believe you are trying to seduce me while we are lost in the middle of the ocean."
"I don't recall you complaining last night."
"Last night we were on a ship. It had a cabin, a bed, and an engine."
"Wasn't it a boat? I always get confused about all those nautical terms."
"Then how come you got to be captain of the ship?"
"I'm the one with a wooden leg, see? I'm a born pirate."
"That's a cane, and you are a born liar, House, that's what you are. I can't believe you told me it was your boat. I can't believe I believed you."
House gestured with one hand, still protecting his eyes from the sun with the other. "You know how delicate ownership is at sea. One day you own a ship, the next day you are stranded on Turtle Island."
"I'd prefer to be stranded on Turtle Island. There'd be turtles to eat."
"Come on, Wilson. You'd never eat something as pet-like as a turtle."
"If the Coast Guard takes any longer to get to us, I'm going to eat you. No jury would condemn me."
"'Eat me'? Oh, you're such a flirty Number One." House's rested against the edge of the raft, smiling.
"I'm not... Let's not go there, okay? I wasn't your accomplice, partner in crime, mate or anything but an innocent bystander. I didn't even realize that you were stealing the boat until we were miles away from the coast."
"We were stealing a ship."
"Whatever it was, you stole it. I refuse to be involved in your machinations. God, Cuddy is going to go ballistic about this. She's going to keep you in the clinic forever. Maybe she's going to give me clinic duty too as punishment for being so stupid I went along with this."
"You are overreacting. I didn't even point a gun to anybody this time."
"You lied about your name."
"I was confused. I regularly used prescribed painkillers; there's some disorientation involved."
"So you were stoned. That argument will make Cuddy much less prone to kill you when she realizes you gave port authorities the name and documents of a patient."
"So what? He's in coma; he's not going to use his boat."
"No, especially not now that you've wrecked it. You weren't satisfied with having lunch once a week in his room, you had to ruin the poor man's ship."
"Don't be such a crybaby. If he ever wakes up, he's not going to be mad with you for wrecking his ship, he's going to be grateful with me for waking him from a coma."
"I wrecked his ship? You are the one who was supposed to be the captain. How could it possibly be construed at being my fault?"
"I was busy, remember?"
"I warned you."
"You weren't specific enough."
"House. How could I think we hit something, I felt the ship creak be not specific enough?"
"It was ambiguous in context, sorry."
"You are not."
"Fine. I'm not. I don't see what your problem is, really. Yes, we accidentally destroyed the ship of a comatose guy. What is he going to do? Beat us? He's comatose for crying out loud. We can take him."
"You think we can take the Navy, too? They are going to be pissed about that buoy we ran into."
"Everybody has accidents. It's not as if we were piloting an oil tanker."
"You were supposed to be piloting a ship, which happened not to be yours, when you hit a buoy and wrecked both the ship and the buoy. This... I might be going on a limb here, but I don't recall you ever doing something as messy as this, House. Not to mention putting both of us in risk of dying of dehydration and exposure." Wilson added this last comment as a relatively irrelevant, although irritant, afterthought.
"Don't worry. We radioed the Coast Guard before the ship went under, we'll be picked up in no time."
"See, that's another thing."
"You are concerned that we are going to be rescued?"
"I'm concerned that we are going to be rescued naked. If you had paid attention the first time I said something, we'd have time to grab our clothes before getting to the raft."
"We'll say that pirates stole our clothes. They'd have taken your virtue, too, but I warned them that they were a few years too late, so they settled for taking the ship. And a sick man's ship, too, but what can you expect of pirates?"
"Pirates. Yes, that'll fly very well. You are without a doubt the worst pirate I've ever seen."
"You already told me that."
"I also told you to stop doing that thing with your eyebrow. It's lewd."
"Make me stop."
"You think I couldn't?"
"Show me."
Nobody said anything for a while afterward. This didn't meant they were paying attention to their immediate environment. Otherwise, they would have probably heard the rather large Coast Guard ship approaching them.
"You on the raft. This is the Coast Guard. Did you radio for... what the fuck?" There was a sudden movement rush of limbs inside the confined space in the raft, and then an urgent whispering.
"House. I hate you."
"Cheer up. As soon as we are lifted on board, we'll plan our mutiny and take over their ship."
"Not before we get some clothes."
"I was thinking of using you as distraction."
"I was thinking of using your cane to club you to death."
"Brave words from a naked man."
"Shut up."
.finis.
Author: __marcelo
Recipient's name: scribophile
Fandom: House
Characters: House/Wilson
Rating: PG13, mention of slash and criminal activities of the not-unexpected variety.
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Summary: At least there aren't any sharks.
Notes: Many thanks to browncoatrebel for her extraordinary help. I couldn't have finished this piece without her.
The two men were in a raft, floating in the middle of who knows where. The sun was shining, the current rocked the boat gently, and a soft breeze carried far away the sound of the men's bickering.
"House, we are floating in a raft in the middle of who knows where."
"No. Really? I hadn't noticed. Must have been all the sea around us. It
distracted me."
"I just wanted to remark on the fact. You are without a doubt the worst pirate I've ever seen." Wilson crossed his arms, sulking.
"Have you known many pirates?"
"Stop doing that thing with your eyebrow. It's distracting."
"I'm not doing anything with my eyebrow."
"There, you just did it again. I can't believe you are trying to seduce me while we are lost in the middle of the ocean."
"I don't recall you complaining last night."
"Last night we were on a ship. It had a cabin, a bed, and an engine."
"Wasn't it a boat? I always get confused about all those nautical terms."
"Then how come you got to be captain of the ship?"
"I'm the one with a wooden leg, see? I'm a born pirate."
"That's a cane, and you are a born liar, House, that's what you are. I can't believe you told me it was your boat. I can't believe I believed you."
House gestured with one hand, still protecting his eyes from the sun with the other. "You know how delicate ownership is at sea. One day you own a ship, the next day you are stranded on Turtle Island."
"I'd prefer to be stranded on Turtle Island. There'd be turtles to eat."
"Come on, Wilson. You'd never eat something as pet-like as a turtle."
"If the Coast Guard takes any longer to get to us, I'm going to eat you. No jury would condemn me."
"'Eat me'? Oh, you're such a flirty Number One." House's rested against the edge of the raft, smiling.
"I'm not... Let's not go there, okay? I wasn't your accomplice, partner in crime, mate or anything but an innocent bystander. I didn't even realize that you were stealing the boat until we were miles away from the coast."
"We were stealing a ship."
"Whatever it was, you stole it. I refuse to be involved in your machinations. God, Cuddy is going to go ballistic about this. She's going to keep you in the clinic forever. Maybe she's going to give me clinic duty too as punishment for being so stupid I went along with this."
"You are overreacting. I didn't even point a gun to anybody this time."
"You lied about your name."
"I was confused. I regularly used prescribed painkillers; there's some disorientation involved."
"So you were stoned. That argument will make Cuddy much less prone to kill you when she realizes you gave port authorities the name and documents of a patient."
"So what? He's in coma; he's not going to use his boat."
"No, especially not now that you've wrecked it. You weren't satisfied with having lunch once a week in his room, you had to ruin the poor man's ship."
"Don't be such a crybaby. If he ever wakes up, he's not going to be mad with you for wrecking his ship, he's going to be grateful with me for waking him from a coma."
"I wrecked his ship? You are the one who was supposed to be the captain. How could it possibly be construed at being my fault?"
"I was busy, remember?"
"I warned you."
"You weren't specific enough."
"House. How could I think we hit something, I felt the ship creak be not specific enough?"
"It was ambiguous in context, sorry."
"You are not."
"Fine. I'm not. I don't see what your problem is, really. Yes, we accidentally destroyed the ship of a comatose guy. What is he going to do? Beat us? He's comatose for crying out loud. We can take him."
"You think we can take the Navy, too? They are going to be pissed about that buoy we ran into."
"Everybody has accidents. It's not as if we were piloting an oil tanker."
"You were supposed to be piloting a ship, which happened not to be yours, when you hit a buoy and wrecked both the ship and the buoy. This... I might be going on a limb here, but I don't recall you ever doing something as messy as this, House. Not to mention putting both of us in risk of dying of dehydration and exposure." Wilson added this last comment as a relatively irrelevant, although irritant, afterthought.
"Don't worry. We radioed the Coast Guard before the ship went under, we'll be picked up in no time."
"See, that's another thing."
"You are concerned that we are going to be rescued?"
"I'm concerned that we are going to be rescued naked. If you had paid attention the first time I said something, we'd have time to grab our clothes before getting to the raft."
"We'll say that pirates stole our clothes. They'd have taken your virtue, too, but I warned them that they were a few years too late, so they settled for taking the ship. And a sick man's ship, too, but what can you expect of pirates?"
"Pirates. Yes, that'll fly very well. You are without a doubt the worst pirate I've ever seen."
"You already told me that."
"I also told you to stop doing that thing with your eyebrow. It's lewd."
"Make me stop."
"You think I couldn't?"
"Show me."
Nobody said anything for a while afterward. This didn't meant they were paying attention to their immediate environment. Otherwise, they would have probably heard the rather large Coast Guard ship approaching them.
"You on the raft. This is the Coast Guard. Did you radio for... what the fuck?" There was a sudden movement rush of limbs inside the confined space in the raft, and then an urgent whispering.
"House. I hate you."
"Cheer up. As soon as we are lifted on board, we'll plan our mutiny and take over their ship."
"Not before we get some clothes."
"I was thinking of using you as distraction."
"I was thinking of using your cane to club you to death."
"Brave words from a naked man."
"Shut up."
.finis.