(no subject)

[swansofnever33]

there this unsleep
that i cannot shake
thirty minutes of laying still
breathing quietly
mind of course in a twirl
my body aches
my eyes dim
and then blink
they are open in darkness
looking for light
for an escape
before i become well-done

i crave sleep as though
it was something i wasn't allowed
like steak on Good Friday
or bourbon for breakfast

i try but not for too long
not before my back begins to tire
before it's too late to be
asleep awake
that wakefullness where i feel
the hours pass, i feel
the temperture in the room change
to cold and colder, i feel
the change in darkness
when dawn in coming, i feel
my body give up my breathe
i become numb
in the strength of my mind
to go go go and continue
on its monologue that
no one is listening to
that i can't stand
that i can't stop.

it's all too surreal as i stand
on a rooftop with a 
mouth wide shut and
a stampede in my heart.
words face a roadblock
and i am still
waiting.

the wishing well granted me my wish.
my original wish i stopped midway, thinking
how foolish it was, i wished for love instead.
straight and to the point-- it had been with
me already and found a place to stay.

there is this dark hole that i sometimes like to get into. it's a snug fit but once i'm in i just feel warmth around me.
i try not to visit it often for fear that it will wear thin or that i will become too dependent but i linger just enough
to have enough warmth to carry me home.

a voice echoed in her mind.