(no subject)
(OOC: This was partially inspired by Savagestimeand partially inspired by , and also by Crowdedhourin general, it even made me create a new verse! XD)
15. "The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not."
Grey's Anatomy
She dreams of Death, not in a creepy wannabe ‘deep’ kid kind of way but in a very real ‘ohgodohgodohgod’ sort of way… She dreams of an eternity of darkness, which is rather terrifying when you think of it except she doesn’t, since denial is her favourite word after all.
She usually dreams of darkness and soul deep pain every night, but in between she dreams of a castle, a place that is even more terrifying in some way because it is where secrets are faced and walls demolished… Not that she remembers much of those sort of dreams, call it self preservation of a sort, she sees enough of the future as it is.
Somehow she always wakes up from those dreams feeling slightly happier though, they’re dreams without Death, such things can only be regarded as good, even if they are unremembered dream visions.
Juni’s never paid much attention to dream visions, they seem a lot less important than the ‘grab you in the middle of running for your life’ visions to her, a lot less urgent… She’s wrong of course, all possibilities for the future are important and should be given some sort, no matter how improbable they seem.
Then again, she’s always had the habit of denying any ideas of comfort or safety, on a subconscious level she feels like she doesn’t deserve either of them, that nothing good should ever happen to her. She should see a psychologist really, but they’re all too normal and she hasn’t quite forgotten how to be merciful yet, no matter how hard she tries to banish it to the dark corners of her mind.
Juni likes denial, most of the time she even tries to deny herself dreaming, building terrified walls of webs and spells to try and keep out the demons, and the corpses, and her disappointed father’s eyes… And most of all, Death, she fears It the most.
Still, one cannot flee from what they are and what they must be forever, one night she falls into sleep before she can build up her walls, she’d almost think that the universe wanted her to dream her dreams… But that’s a theory believed by Beranabus and Loss, she despises both of them and despises their stupid theories and the way they use them to justify atrocities, she cannot believe- every time that she tries it sticks in her throat like a web.
That is a story for another day though, her dreams are the most important thing today…
First she dreams of standing in a kitchen, of realising that she’s walked into a trap and may not be able to reverse, but instead of terror she feels a thousand stifled hopes burst back into life, she feels humanity gushing back into her even though it’sa barely remembered thing.
The dreams changes then, instead of a kitchen there is a cold place and a spotlight shining down on her, it keeps shining as she is plucked apart, her every flaw dissected, her every hatred traced back to it’s painful root and her every insecurity examined unflinchingly.
She screams with the pain of it and every part of her dissolves into tears, legs and arms and head transforming into salty water and running away into the darkness… But she feels completely at peace for the first time in her life, feels complete happiness flow into her as surely as the humanity did.
Running, running, running… And she has limbs again, racing up towards a castle on the horizon with wind whipping her hair away from her face and breath gasping from her lungs, she doesn’t have to glance behind to know that Death will be following, reaching out to try and drag her back into her cage, drag her back to the darkness.
This time though… This time It doesn’t manage, this time she reaches the castle gate and finally glances back to see It far behind her, unable to catch up with her speed, the realization takes until she’s walking inside to come but when it does it comes instantly, she’s free.
When Juni Swan wakes up in the morning her ticket is lying on the table beside her, and for some reason that she can’t quite place she feels like this is the first step on a happier path.
15. "The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not."
Grey's Anatomy
She dreams of Death, not in a creepy wannabe ‘deep’ kid kind of way but in a very real ‘ohgodohgodohgod’ sort of way… She dreams of an eternity of darkness, which is rather terrifying when you think of it except she doesn’t, since denial is her favourite word after all.
She usually dreams of darkness and soul deep pain every night, but in between she dreams of a castle, a place that is even more terrifying in some way because it is where secrets are faced and walls demolished… Not that she remembers much of those sort of dreams, call it self preservation of a sort, she sees enough of the future as it is.
Somehow she always wakes up from those dreams feeling slightly happier though, they’re dreams without Death, such things can only be regarded as good, even if they are unremembered dream visions.
Juni’s never paid much attention to dream visions, they seem a lot less important than the ‘grab you in the middle of running for your life’ visions to her, a lot less urgent… She’s wrong of course, all possibilities for the future are important and should be given some sort, no matter how improbable they seem.
Then again, she’s always had the habit of denying any ideas of comfort or safety, on a subconscious level she feels like she doesn’t deserve either of them, that nothing good should ever happen to her. She should see a psychologist really, but they’re all too normal and she hasn’t quite forgotten how to be merciful yet, no matter how hard she tries to banish it to the dark corners of her mind.
Juni likes denial, most of the time she even tries to deny herself dreaming, building terrified walls of webs and spells to try and keep out the demons, and the corpses, and her disappointed father’s eyes… And most of all, Death, she fears It the most.
Still, one cannot flee from what they are and what they must be forever, one night she falls into sleep before she can build up her walls, she’d almost think that the universe wanted her to dream her dreams… But that’s a theory believed by Beranabus and Loss, she despises both of them and despises their stupid theories and the way they use them to justify atrocities, she cannot believe- every time that she tries it sticks in her throat like a web.
That is a story for another day though, her dreams are the most important thing today…
First she dreams of standing in a kitchen, of realising that she’s walked into a trap and may not be able to reverse, but instead of terror she feels a thousand stifled hopes burst back into life, she feels humanity gushing back into her even though it’sa barely remembered thing.
The dreams changes then, instead of a kitchen there is a cold place and a spotlight shining down on her, it keeps shining as she is plucked apart, her every flaw dissected, her every hatred traced back to it’s painful root and her every insecurity examined unflinchingly.
She screams with the pain of it and every part of her dissolves into tears, legs and arms and head transforming into salty water and running away into the darkness… But she feels completely at peace for the first time in her life, feels complete happiness flow into her as surely as the humanity did.
Running, running, running… And she has limbs again, racing up towards a castle on the horizon with wind whipping her hair away from her face and breath gasping from her lungs, she doesn’t have to glance behind to know that Death will be following, reaching out to try and drag her back into her cage, drag her back to the darkness.
This time though… This time It doesn’t manage, this time she reaches the castle gate and finally glances back to see It far behind her, unable to catch up with her speed, the realization takes until she’s walking inside to come but when it does it comes instantly, she’s free.
When Juni Swan wakes up in the morning her ticket is lying on the table beside her, and for some reason that she can’t quite place she feels like this is the first step on a happier path.