(no subject)
(OOC: This is kind of big and rather angsty (Plus hopefully faintly disturbing!) and you probably shouldn't read it if you haven't gotten beyond Death's Shadow)
19. 7. 5. FIVE times you walked out and one time you stayed
1. Mother and Aunt Charlotte are fighting again, it’s about her, it’s always about her really, about the way her parents move her all over the world to test her gift, about the money she makes, about the gift itself.
Mother always fights Charlotte when daddy isn’t around and it always seems to be about her and Beth, it also only seems to happen when she’s in the room.
She never stays though, she doesn’t then, slipping through the door and running out into the street to try and catch some air… She doesn’t like it when they argue about her, especially when mother seems to be in the wrong.
--
2. The man actually seems to care about her, he isn’t like the usual pick ups that she found after defending from demon attacks on earth, he actually tries to tug her back down as she rises out of the bed.
“Stay” he pleads, tugging on her arm “stay, we can get married if you want, you’d be safe from those demons, please”
She stops in the middle of wriggling back into her tops and glances over at him, brown hair, a pleasant face and big eyes that are so very innocent… In truth she’d love to stay, he seems nice, he seems genuine and the sex… But she can’t, Beranabus would never let her have a normal life, he’d never let her leave.
“I’m sorry” she whispers softly and then walks out of the apartment… At least it’s getting easier to repress the tears.
--
3. The window opens and she tumbles through right after Kernel, right into a staring crowd but that hardly matters, she’s free, the sky is blue, the birds are singing and she’s finally free of the stupid Demonata.
They have to run of course but she doesn’t mind that so much, it gives her a chance to see the scenery, see how much has changed… Skateboards, giant neon signs, aeroplanes... Everything that she’s ever wanted; she’s finally a person again, not just a warrior with the handy ability to see the future.
There’s Kernel of course, she feels a little guilt at leaving the boy alone in a strange city but for now that guilt is overwhelmed by the new world stretching out in front of her, a world so strange and frightening but with such promise in it that she can almost taste it.
Freedom, and she’s never going back.
--
4. She hits the ground hard and rolls, stopping on her back with her eyes staring up at an empty red sky, there are a few demons around but they ignore her, shifting away as she sits up and looks around cautiously.
So, this is the inside of the board, this is a place where Beranabus can’t possibly come and ruin her life again… And yet she feels empty, rotten, like she’s doing something that no sane person should ever consider doing even in their wildest dreams, something dirt and definitely forbidden.
…Well, there’s no going back now, she’s made her choices and she’s going to stick with them, even if this sort of freedom is nowhere close to the freedom of the human world.
She gets up and starts walking in a random direction, freedom, such a pity that the word is starting to taste so very hollow.
--
5. It’s only when she’s dying that she realises that she does love Loss sincerely and that she would probably choose him as the person who knows her best if asked… But she also realises that she rather wants to die, that she rather wants the constant pain to end.
Perhaps Death won’t let her just sail off to the afterlife, perhaps her spirit will accidentally be tied to earth… But she’ll take any chance to just end it all, however minor, she wants proper freedom where nothing can chain her to anything or make her hurt so.
She uses the last dregs of her power to implant the belief that he can’t save her into Loss’s mind and then sends up a faint prayer that she won’t have to come back.
Perhaps it’s cowardice, but she doesn’t care anymore.
--
1. Of course she doesn’t die permanently, the universe won’t let her have it that easy, instead she comes back as a rotting creature that makes her scream the first time she happens to pass a mirror.
She knows that she could just walk away and that nobody would stop her; that she could throw herself to another death and she wouldn’t be brought back… But the look in Loss’s eyes stops her every time she contemplates such things.
He still adores her, she may be a horrific monster but he still truly loves her and wants to be with her… So she stays; despite the burning in her body and the grief in her heart she stays by his side and listens to his plans loyally, listens to him apologise about her death, listens to his plots for revenge against the damned Grady family.
She’ll die again eventually, but this time she’ll wait for her freedom.
19. 7. 5. FIVE times you walked out and one time you stayed
1. Mother and Aunt Charlotte are fighting again, it’s about her, it’s always about her really, about the way her parents move her all over the world to test her gift, about the money she makes, about the gift itself.
Mother always fights Charlotte when daddy isn’t around and it always seems to be about her and Beth, it also only seems to happen when she’s in the room.
She never stays though, she doesn’t then, slipping through the door and running out into the street to try and catch some air… She doesn’t like it when they argue about her, especially when mother seems to be in the wrong.
--
2. The man actually seems to care about her, he isn’t like the usual pick ups that she found after defending from demon attacks on earth, he actually tries to tug her back down as she rises out of the bed.
“Stay” he pleads, tugging on her arm “stay, we can get married if you want, you’d be safe from those demons, please”
She stops in the middle of wriggling back into her tops and glances over at him, brown hair, a pleasant face and big eyes that are so very innocent… In truth she’d love to stay, he seems nice, he seems genuine and the sex… But she can’t, Beranabus would never let her have a normal life, he’d never let her leave.
“I’m sorry” she whispers softly and then walks out of the apartment… At least it’s getting easier to repress the tears.
--
3. The window opens and she tumbles through right after Kernel, right into a staring crowd but that hardly matters, she’s free, the sky is blue, the birds are singing and she’s finally free of the stupid Demonata.
They have to run of course but she doesn’t mind that so much, it gives her a chance to see the scenery, see how much has changed… Skateboards, giant neon signs, aeroplanes... Everything that she’s ever wanted; she’s finally a person again, not just a warrior with the handy ability to see the future.
There’s Kernel of course, she feels a little guilt at leaving the boy alone in a strange city but for now that guilt is overwhelmed by the new world stretching out in front of her, a world so strange and frightening but with such promise in it that she can almost taste it.
Freedom, and she’s never going back.
--
4. She hits the ground hard and rolls, stopping on her back with her eyes staring up at an empty red sky, there are a few demons around but they ignore her, shifting away as she sits up and looks around cautiously.
So, this is the inside of the board, this is a place where Beranabus can’t possibly come and ruin her life again… And yet she feels empty, rotten, like she’s doing something that no sane person should ever consider doing even in their wildest dreams, something dirt and definitely forbidden.
…Well, there’s no going back now, she’s made her choices and she’s going to stick with them, even if this sort of freedom is nowhere close to the freedom of the human world.
She gets up and starts walking in a random direction, freedom, such a pity that the word is starting to taste so very hollow.
--
5. It’s only when she’s dying that she realises that she does love Loss sincerely and that she would probably choose him as the person who knows her best if asked… But she also realises that she rather wants to die, that she rather wants the constant pain to end.
Perhaps Death won’t let her just sail off to the afterlife, perhaps her spirit will accidentally be tied to earth… But she’ll take any chance to just end it all, however minor, she wants proper freedom where nothing can chain her to anything or make her hurt so.
She uses the last dregs of her power to implant the belief that he can’t save her into Loss’s mind and then sends up a faint prayer that she won’t have to come back.
Perhaps it’s cowardice, but she doesn’t care anymore.
--
1. Of course she doesn’t die permanently, the universe won’t let her have it that easy, instead she comes back as a rotting creature that makes her scream the first time she happens to pass a mirror.
She knows that she could just walk away and that nobody would stop her; that she could throw herself to another death and she wouldn’t be brought back… But the look in Loss’s eyes stops her every time she contemplates such things.
He still adores her, she may be a horrific monster but he still truly loves her and wants to be with her… So she stays; despite the burning in her body and the grief in her heart she stays by his side and listens to his plans loyally, listens to him apologise about her death, listens to his plots for revenge against the damned Grady family.
She’ll die again eventually, but this time she’ll wait for her freedom.