(no subject)
after much thinking and wondering and reflecting I've finaly realized that what I feel for gordon is disapoinment, aregret and pitty. I'm disapointed in who he has become(withdrawn and uningaged in the world even if he is in a new relationship I still get the unengaged vibe, regret because of what he's missing out and that he may never be the man that he was and I don't think its really fair for him to slouch off like a wounded animal and retreat simply because he was hurt. and pity for what he's missing and because. there also is a bit of contempt as well becaus he doesn't see that what he's doing isn't something that adults do and also because he's disregarding other peoples feelings.
Now because I am me, the ever optimist, I keep subtly hoping that he will change and become whom he was or atleast become something that I can respect. Anyway so apearently he has some things of mine (as I still have some things of his) and he wants to gettogether before I hread to Australia and I know that he wants to chat and catch up but the truth is two things I'm very slightly afraid that he'll break down the walls of disapointment pitty and contempt that I have and then I'll have to deal with the fact that there will never be a future for us again, or he'll confirm what I think and I'll never really be able to respect him. However I also wonder if he realized just what he's doing and how he's seen weather that will be enough to change him. and also if I tell him then will the ruin any future we may have. but having a meeting to switch the stuff and only say that seems kinda rude and I'd hate to be rude even if I feel he kinda deserves it (that and a wake up call but you can't force people to be audlts and you can't force them to realize things about themselves if they don't want to. anyway so yeah that about it for now love and hugs
caroline
Now because I am me, the ever optimist, I keep subtly hoping that he will change and become whom he was or atleast become something that I can respect. Anyway so apearently he has some things of mine (as I still have some things of his) and he wants to gettogether before I hread to Australia and I know that he wants to chat and catch up but the truth is two things I'm very slightly afraid that he'll break down the walls of disapointment pitty and contempt that I have and then I'll have to deal with the fact that there will never be a future for us again, or he'll confirm what I think and I'll never really be able to respect him. However I also wonder if he realized just what he's doing and how he's seen weather that will be enough to change him. and also if I tell him then will the ruin any future we may have. but having a meeting to switch the stuff and only say that seems kinda rude and I'd hate to be rude even if I feel he kinda deserves it (that and a wake up call but you can't force people to be audlts and you can't force them to realize things about themselves if they don't want to. anyway so yeah that about it for now love and hugs
caroline