Asshole of the Day 8/3/13
Source: YouTube
Method of Communication: Comments on my Asexual Bingo video
Type(s) of Fail: Asexuality fail, therapy trolling, argument from authority, devolving into multiple counts of vulgar language while suggesting *I* had been uncivil
Result: Blocked (twice)
What you may need to know: The (A)sexual documentary that I was in also contains an autistic asexual woman named Elizabeth. In the documentary, she states that she believes her autism and her asexuality are related to each other. No one else portrayed in the film identifies as being autistic (including me). Also, Asperger's Syndrome is no longer a diagnosis given in clinical settings. I HAVE ACTUALLY CONSIDERED WHETHER I HAVE ASPERGER'S BEFORE, because of people saying things like this and treating me like there was something "wrong" with me, but it's pretty clear that there are tendencies I share with Aspies--like oversensitivity to certain stimuli and very focused attention on my interests--that nevertheless are not definitive of an autism spectrum condition.
So this guy posted this obviously very educated assessment of me in the comments of my Asexual Bingo video:
danielchiechi:
you have aspergers... not being mean im dead serious
Yeah man. Considering all the hoops people have to jump through in order to get an actual diagnosis, I venture to say a dude watching me on YouTube does not have the data to assign me an autistic spectrum condition.
Not to mention I do not exhibit the definitive aspects of the syndrome: "significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication, alongside restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests." Considering how many of my broad interests I display right there on YouTube and the fact that he has never seen any of my social interaction, he is woefully lacking in data to give an accurate assessment of my psychological condition.
BUT on top of that, the telltale way he expects me to interpret "you have Asperger's" as an INSULT betrays his intention to put me down. If you are actually curious about whether someone has been tested for an autism spectrum condition, you don't a) walk up to them and say "excuse me, you have X"; b) start the conversation without the other person's agreed participation and openness to hearing your opinion; or c) make ridiculous assumptions to make your opinion fit, which as you will see he goes on to do.
My reply:
swankivy:
No, it's not mean to say someone has Asperger's Syndrome. It is, however, ridiculous and laughable to pretend you can diagnose someone with a type of autism over the Internet. Stop pretending you know what you're talking about, because anyone with any real knowledge of psychology knows WAY better than to toss armchair diagnoses at people they've never spoken to.
If you guessed that he would come back with the argument from authority, you guessed right.
danielchiechi:
I have a degree in psych from C.W post Long Island university. I am watching the asexual documentary that you are in as we speak and right after I said you may have aspergers, they started making connections between asexuality and aspergers... there is a large spectrum of autism but aspergers syndrome commonly includes problems with communication (check), difficulty getting romantically close to others (check) and also problems with physical interaction, even nonsexual, (check) and much more
Surprise! He has a psych degree. And that TOTALLY MEANS he can diagnose me over the Internet (which psychologists don't do) and it TOTALLY MEANS he can't possibly be abusing his imagined authority (dear God, I graduated from the College of Education with people who I PRAYED would not ever be in charge of a classroom), and it TOTALLY MEANS he has full knowledge of my life in the areas he rattled off.
Everybody here who thinks I have trouble with communication? Raise your hand.
(I'm imagining all of you laughing right now. Should I have waved my education degree in his face and said I am college educated in a field that depends entirely on successful communication? Somehow I imagine he would not have taken that as valid even though his degree entitles him to respect in his imagination.)
Note: when I posted this on Tumblr, one of my followers made this comment:
I know an autistic person who has an education degree. It's not impossible by any means. I think you're misunderstanding the diagnostic criterion about communication. ~an actual autistic person, who also has a degree requiring communication skills
For the record, no, I don't think autism precludes all kinds of communication, and I know that diagnoses of autism depend on atypical interpersonal interaction that presents in certain patterns, which doesn't stop autistic people from engaging in other types of communication (nor is it the same across the spectrum). But I do think that as flimsy as this guy's "BUT I HAVE A PSYCH DEGREE" defenses are, if I had suggested that my degree required me to interact one-on-one and in large groups and interpersonally with my students and other teachers (and that I did so without any marked difficulty), he wouldn't have been able to cling to his degree entitling him to proof of his rightness if mine didn't prove something too.
Gotta love also how he claims I have "problems" getting romantically close to others. I imagine that if he's a straight guy, he probably has "problems" getting romantically close to men. God, what a terrible dick of an attempt to pigeonhole me. And what physical interaction is he saying I have problems with? I hate when people trying to pretend their position is logical just fall apart when it comes to making a coherent argument. (But don't worry, his tendency to do so becomes far more obvious later in this conversation, when he uses multiple curse words to have his say at me.)
What I actually said in response to this:
swankivy:
Honey, the only thing you saying you have a degree does is show how some people abuse their educational experience to make the (fallacious) argument from authority. It's really disgusting of you to assume that because you studied psychology, you're entitled to diagnose people you haven't spoken to. I do not have communication issues, "difficulty" getting romantically close to others (because that implies that I try to), or any physical interaction problems. Stop pretending you have data.
But he continued to post (and threw three comments at the same time):
danielchiechi:
you are by definition of my textbook, within the autistic spectrum, obviously high functioning. You wouldnt even consider that you possibly have aspergers? instead you attack me?
swankivy:
It's nice and easy to suggest someone is "textbook" if you exaggerate and misrepresent aspects of their behavior to fit what you want to see. The central DEFINITIVE aspects of Asperger's do not apply to me. I am not attacking you by saying you should stop diagnosing people you don't know on the Internet and deliberately misrepresenting their experience so it will match what you're pretending you can see.
danielchiechi:
Also, putting asexuality aside, your body language, being immature (by the way you dress and talk), hiding behind computers and videos to communicate, and simply the way you speak, all lead me to Aspergers, obviously its hard to diagnose someone through a couple of videos but when you talk about the symptoms you are having it rings a huge bell in my mind.
swankivy:
And this is all very trollish. I'm "immature"? Oh, sure. I completely take care of myself financially, enjoy rich relationships with others, have no complicating factors in my ability to live independently, and am pursuing my goals in a responsible way. But surely the best way to judge someone immature is if they wear cartoon tee shirts and plastic barrettes. People who weaponize "maturity" in a conversation tend to be pretty immature and unable to empathize with others themselves.
[For the record, I was assuming the douchebag would be using standard "grown-up" criteria to judge my maturity, and I absolutely know there are many mature people who cannot live independently for other reasons besides immaturity. I figured explaining that I have everything I want on my own terms without depending directly on others was a concise way to express my maturity in a YouTube comment, but I think maturity is a very complicated issue.]
swankivy:
And it doesn't make sense to say I'm "hiding behind" computers to communicate. Considering my videos are one of the many ways I've spread this message--along with getting my articles published, finding literary representation for my book on the subject, being on mainstream media television shows and print media, and giving in-person talks at conferences--I really think you're failing miserably at making me squeeze into what you want to pigeonhole me as. Just stop your ridiculousness.
[And wait, wasn't he watching me in a documentary right before he came onto my videos to whine at me? How is that hiding behind a computer, exactly, if I'm doing VIDEO MEDIA THAT IS BROADCAST ALL OVER THE WORLD?]
danielchiechi:
lol your shirt says love... ironic?
swankivy:
Please look up what irony means. You're using it incorrectly. It doesn't make any sense to suggest a person who is asexual has no business wearing a shirt that says "love." Wow, that is vile.
I blocked him there. But something predictable happened. He came back on another account. Surprise!
And he has some CHOICE WORDS for me! Laced with profanity!
rawrxdaniisaur13:
Okay, now shit just got real, "SWANK," Don't fucking block me... its not my fault you are so goddamn insecure you cannot listen to someone with a PSYCHOLOGY DEGREE suggesting that you may have a disorder. Shit, bitch, also... You don't feel love (romantically) and therefore you wearing a shirt that says "love" is ironic... I'm right, you're wrong... goodbye.
HE'S RIGHT I'M WRONG GOODBYE
ALSO CAPITAL LETTERS ON HIS PSYCHOLOGY DEGREE
MUST BE MORE TRUE-ER NOW
Because you know, "love" only means romantic love and there is no other kind of love and it is silly and "ironic" for an asexual person to wear a shirt that says "love" and jeez come on WOW so ironic because when you see "love" on a shirt you totally only think about romance and you totally wouldn't expect someone who doesn't have romantic love in her life to ever use or respect a word like love oh my god.
I WISH I WERE NOT SO RIDICULOUS AND THAT MY ARGUMENTS WERE NOT SO FLIMSY BEING TRUMPED AND TROUNCED BY THIS EVER SO EDUCATED MAN
Well here's what I actually said.
swankivy:
Oh noes, you're pissed that I've heard opinions (not based on facts) like yours over and over again and now I don't want to give you a platform to display them! So you curse at me and tell me your psychology degree means you're qualified to tell me how disordered and insecure and immature I am! And LOL at how "love" is meaningless outside a romantic context. Wow, just calm down and get over the fact that you don't automatically get a stage every time you throw your entitled little tantrums. Bye!
I blocked that one too. He didn't come back that day. Dunno if I'll hear from him again but he seems like the type who can't let sleeping dogs lie. I'm not sure why people like this think blocking them is tantamount to losing an argument or something. Like, they think I am obligated to just keep letting them throw opinions at me that they've proved repeatedly are not based on actual assessments of my life.
I also think it's funny that he believes having a psychology degree means his jackass opinion will always be accurate. We in this community have multiple instances of psychologists, therapists, and mental health practitioners being abusive or dismissive to us, and ALL professions have a history that includes abuse of power by some of its members. I have a minor in psychology myself. It doesn't mean my opinion on anyone else's mental state is right. Ugh, the way he throws his degree around in the absence of actual support for his position makes me think he GOT a degree of that sort primarily because he wanted a shortcut to living a life wherein he could blurt out prescriptive life advice and people would actually pay him for it. Like, he's a professional mansplainer.
And what do I know? I'm just a bitch who's too insecure and too busy hiding behind my computer to benefit from this person's drive-by diagnosis.
Method of Communication: Comments on my Asexual Bingo video
Type(s) of Fail: Asexuality fail, therapy trolling, argument from authority, devolving into multiple counts of vulgar language while suggesting *I* had been uncivil
Result: Blocked (twice)
What you may need to know: The (A)sexual documentary that I was in also contains an autistic asexual woman named Elizabeth. In the documentary, she states that she believes her autism and her asexuality are related to each other. No one else portrayed in the film identifies as being autistic (including me). Also, Asperger's Syndrome is no longer a diagnosis given in clinical settings. I HAVE ACTUALLY CONSIDERED WHETHER I HAVE ASPERGER'S BEFORE, because of people saying things like this and treating me like there was something "wrong" with me, but it's pretty clear that there are tendencies I share with Aspies--like oversensitivity to certain stimuli and very focused attention on my interests--that nevertheless are not definitive of an autism spectrum condition.
So this guy posted this obviously very educated assessment of me in the comments of my Asexual Bingo video:
danielchiechi:
you have aspergers... not being mean im dead serious
Yeah man. Considering all the hoops people have to jump through in order to get an actual diagnosis, I venture to say a dude watching me on YouTube does not have the data to assign me an autistic spectrum condition.
Not to mention I do not exhibit the definitive aspects of the syndrome: "significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication, alongside restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests." Considering how many of my broad interests I display right there on YouTube and the fact that he has never seen any of my social interaction, he is woefully lacking in data to give an accurate assessment of my psychological condition.
BUT on top of that, the telltale way he expects me to interpret "you have Asperger's" as an INSULT betrays his intention to put me down. If you are actually curious about whether someone has been tested for an autism spectrum condition, you don't a) walk up to them and say "excuse me, you have X"; b) start the conversation without the other person's agreed participation and openness to hearing your opinion; or c) make ridiculous assumptions to make your opinion fit, which as you will see he goes on to do.
My reply:
swankivy:
No, it's not mean to say someone has Asperger's Syndrome. It is, however, ridiculous and laughable to pretend you can diagnose someone with a type of autism over the Internet. Stop pretending you know what you're talking about, because anyone with any real knowledge of psychology knows WAY better than to toss armchair diagnoses at people they've never spoken to.
If you guessed that he would come back with the argument from authority, you guessed right.
danielchiechi:
I have a degree in psych from C.W post Long Island university. I am watching the asexual documentary that you are in as we speak and right after I said you may have aspergers, they started making connections between asexuality and aspergers... there is a large spectrum of autism but aspergers syndrome commonly includes problems with communication (check), difficulty getting romantically close to others (check) and also problems with physical interaction, even nonsexual, (check) and much more
Surprise! He has a psych degree. And that TOTALLY MEANS he can diagnose me over the Internet (which psychologists don't do) and it TOTALLY MEANS he can't possibly be abusing his imagined authority (dear God, I graduated from the College of Education with people who I PRAYED would not ever be in charge of a classroom), and it TOTALLY MEANS he has full knowledge of my life in the areas he rattled off.
Everybody here who thinks I have trouble with communication? Raise your hand.
(I'm imagining all of you laughing right now. Should I have waved my education degree in his face and said I am college educated in a field that depends entirely on successful communication? Somehow I imagine he would not have taken that as valid even though his degree entitles him to respect in his imagination.)
Note: when I posted this on Tumblr, one of my followers made this comment:
I know an autistic person who has an education degree. It's not impossible by any means. I think you're misunderstanding the diagnostic criterion about communication. ~an actual autistic person, who also has a degree requiring communication skills
For the record, no, I don't think autism precludes all kinds of communication, and I know that diagnoses of autism depend on atypical interpersonal interaction that presents in certain patterns, which doesn't stop autistic people from engaging in other types of communication (nor is it the same across the spectrum). But I do think that as flimsy as this guy's "BUT I HAVE A PSYCH DEGREE" defenses are, if I had suggested that my degree required me to interact one-on-one and in large groups and interpersonally with my students and other teachers (and that I did so without any marked difficulty), he wouldn't have been able to cling to his degree entitling him to proof of his rightness if mine didn't prove something too.
Gotta love also how he claims I have "problems" getting romantically close to others. I imagine that if he's a straight guy, he probably has "problems" getting romantically close to men. God, what a terrible dick of an attempt to pigeonhole me. And what physical interaction is he saying I have problems with? I hate when people trying to pretend their position is logical just fall apart when it comes to making a coherent argument. (But don't worry, his tendency to do so becomes far more obvious later in this conversation, when he uses multiple curse words to have his say at me.)
What I actually said in response to this:
swankivy:
Honey, the only thing you saying you have a degree does is show how some people abuse their educational experience to make the (fallacious) argument from authority. It's really disgusting of you to assume that because you studied psychology, you're entitled to diagnose people you haven't spoken to. I do not have communication issues, "difficulty" getting romantically close to others (because that implies that I try to), or any physical interaction problems. Stop pretending you have data.
But he continued to post (and threw three comments at the same time):
danielchiechi:
you are by definition of my textbook, within the autistic spectrum, obviously high functioning. You wouldnt even consider that you possibly have aspergers? instead you attack me?
swankivy:
It's nice and easy to suggest someone is "textbook" if you exaggerate and misrepresent aspects of their behavior to fit what you want to see. The central DEFINITIVE aspects of Asperger's do not apply to me. I am not attacking you by saying you should stop diagnosing people you don't know on the Internet and deliberately misrepresenting their experience so it will match what you're pretending you can see.
danielchiechi:
Also, putting asexuality aside, your body language, being immature (by the way you dress and talk), hiding behind computers and videos to communicate, and simply the way you speak, all lead me to Aspergers, obviously its hard to diagnose someone through a couple of videos but when you talk about the symptoms you are having it rings a huge bell in my mind.
swankivy:
And this is all very trollish. I'm "immature"? Oh, sure. I completely take care of myself financially, enjoy rich relationships with others, have no complicating factors in my ability to live independently, and am pursuing my goals in a responsible way. But surely the best way to judge someone immature is if they wear cartoon tee shirts and plastic barrettes. People who weaponize "maturity" in a conversation tend to be pretty immature and unable to empathize with others themselves.
[For the record, I was assuming the douchebag would be using standard "grown-up" criteria to judge my maturity, and I absolutely know there are many mature people who cannot live independently for other reasons besides immaturity. I figured explaining that I have everything I want on my own terms without depending directly on others was a concise way to express my maturity in a YouTube comment, but I think maturity is a very complicated issue.]
swankivy:
And it doesn't make sense to say I'm "hiding behind" computers to communicate. Considering my videos are one of the many ways I've spread this message--along with getting my articles published, finding literary representation for my book on the subject, being on mainstream media television shows and print media, and giving in-person talks at conferences--I really think you're failing miserably at making me squeeze into what you want to pigeonhole me as. Just stop your ridiculousness.
[And wait, wasn't he watching me in a documentary right before he came onto my videos to whine at me? How is that hiding behind a computer, exactly, if I'm doing VIDEO MEDIA THAT IS BROADCAST ALL OVER THE WORLD?]
danielchiechi:
lol your shirt says love... ironic?
swankivy:
Please look up what irony means. You're using it incorrectly. It doesn't make any sense to suggest a person who is asexual has no business wearing a shirt that says "love." Wow, that is vile.
I blocked him there. But something predictable happened. He came back on another account. Surprise!
And he has some CHOICE WORDS for me! Laced with profanity!
rawrxdaniisaur13:
Okay, now shit just got real, "SWANK," Don't fucking block me... its not my fault you are so goddamn insecure you cannot listen to someone with a PSYCHOLOGY DEGREE suggesting that you may have a disorder. Shit, bitch, also... You don't feel love (romantically) and therefore you wearing a shirt that says "love" is ironic... I'm right, you're wrong... goodbye.
HE'S RIGHT I'M WRONG GOODBYE
ALSO CAPITAL LETTERS ON HIS PSYCHOLOGY DEGREE
MUST BE MORE TRUE-ER NOW
Because you know, "love" only means romantic love and there is no other kind of love and it is silly and "ironic" for an asexual person to wear a shirt that says "love" and jeez come on WOW so ironic because when you see "love" on a shirt you totally only think about romance and you totally wouldn't expect someone who doesn't have romantic love in her life to ever use or respect a word like love oh my god.
I WISH I WERE NOT SO RIDICULOUS AND THAT MY ARGUMENTS WERE NOT SO FLIMSY BEING TRUMPED AND TROUNCED BY THIS EVER SO EDUCATED MAN
Well here's what I actually said.
swankivy:
Oh noes, you're pissed that I've heard opinions (not based on facts) like yours over and over again and now I don't want to give you a platform to display them! So you curse at me and tell me your psychology degree means you're qualified to tell me how disordered and insecure and immature I am! And LOL at how "love" is meaningless outside a romantic context. Wow, just calm down and get over the fact that you don't automatically get a stage every time you throw your entitled little tantrums. Bye!
I blocked that one too. He didn't come back that day. Dunno if I'll hear from him again but he seems like the type who can't let sleeping dogs lie. I'm not sure why people like this think blocking them is tantamount to losing an argument or something. Like, they think I am obligated to just keep letting them throw opinions at me that they've proved repeatedly are not based on actual assessments of my life.
I also think it's funny that he believes having a psychology degree means his jackass opinion will always be accurate. We in this community have multiple instances of psychologists, therapists, and mental health practitioners being abusive or dismissive to us, and ALL professions have a history that includes abuse of power by some of its members. I have a minor in psychology myself. It doesn't mean my opinion on anyone else's mental state is right. Ugh, the way he throws his degree around in the absence of actual support for his position makes me think he GOT a degree of that sort primarily because he wanted a shortcut to living a life wherein he could blurt out prescriptive life advice and people would actually pay him for it. Like, he's a professional mansplainer.
And what do I know? I'm just a bitch who's too insecure and too busy hiding behind my computer to benefit from this person's drive-by diagnosis.