Asshole of the Day 5/12/13
Asshole of the Day 5/12/13
Source: YouTube
Method of Communication: Comments on my videos Asexuality: An Overview and Taking Criticism.
Type(s) of Fail: Asexuality fail, "why are you so angry?"
Result: Blocked (twice)
What you may need to know: Sarah G is probably a giant troll. As you'll see, she went out of her way to comment on an unrelated video with a laughably thin ruse backing up her reason for commenting, so I decided she wasn't worth it.
Sarah G:
My doctor told me being asexual is something most people get over when they meet the right person. I went almost 5 years without being attracted to anyone I was an asexual by definition.
Yes, the same annoying old crap. But unlike most ignorant people, she also took it upon herself to private-message me to continue rambling about how asexuality isn't real because her therapist said so and she was cured.
Sarah G:
H-e-l-l-o swankivy I was an asexual because I didn't want to have sex, but i found out it was because i had ocd and had germ issues my psy told me that being asexual is something most people usually get over and end up falling in love later in life. I was not attracted to anyone from the age of 16-19 but i found a cute guy. . that I found and we have been together since, I think you just never found the right person swankivy, don't stop looking,,,I thought i was a lesbian cuz i wasn't attracted but it is something you get overIm actually a bisexual and like girl too and your cute you will find the right guy or maybe or most likely your gay and will find the right girl. I was kinda freaked out about being attracted to both male and female but it happens. But yeah i was an asexual for some time and it was miserable and lonely but it was something i was. anyone can change anyone.
I've said it before, but it's amazing how much fail people can pack into so few characters. Asexuality is about "not wanting to have sex"! You "got over it" at nineteen after thinking you were asexual for a whole few years! Your therapist must be right that people "get over it" because they're an authority! I need to "keep looking"! I'm cute so I'll find someone! I'm most likely gay actually! Being asexual is "miserable and lonely"! Anyone can change!
Jesus.
I replied with this to her public comment:
Not every therapist is asexual-friendly, obviously. People who professionally study sexuality do recognize its existence as a legitimate sexual orientation. It's very wrong to tell your patients that they'll "get over" their identity; listening to the patient and not being dismissive is very important. As for you, people sometimes have the wrong label or find their sexuality is fluid, and that's fine. It's also not an excuse to assume everyone else will one day change to something else.
And I replied to her private message with this:
What I hear from your story is that you figured out you aren't asexual. When you were still a teenager. Possibly with the help of a psychiatrist. I don't see what that has to do with me. I'll thank you to please never assume your experience is likely to predict someone else's, but you DEFINITELY should never tell people that they aren't qualified to figure out their own feelings.
"You just never found the right person" is a very silly thing to say to me. If someone I met seemed sexually attractive to me, I'd change what I call myself. But that's never happened and I'm 35, so the label I use is "asexual." I'll keep calling myself that until or unless it doesn't fit me anymore. I didn't "decide" not to be attracted to people or close myself off to other experiences. And I am in no way miserable or lonely. So please do not try to convince me that I'm going to change. It's really pointless, because I've made no decision "against" doing so.
She then proceeded to send me three separate private messages in response.
Message 1:
swankivy gosh no need to get mad just saying what a professional therapist told me gosh gee wiz man
Message 2:
Well my therapist told me that approximately 76% of asexuals usually end up finding the right person. So being asexual is extremely rare if not impossible according to my doctor. According to him a lot of asexual just enjoy being single, which i can agree with because i did enjoy it as well. But I really don't wanna tell you the truth I'm just saying
Message 3:
Your a cool chick tho swankivy love u tho lol sorry dude be who you are lol, I'm just a fool here lol
Oh my god. It's "jeez you're overreacting, all I did was invalidate your identity and say you'll get over it, so why are you so ANGRY?" again. ::eyeroll::
I replied, of course.
Regarding "gosh no need to get mad just saying what a professional therapist told me gosh gee wiz man"--I do not know why you think I'm "getting mad" if I answer you.
"Professional therapists" do not necessarily accept asexuality, and I mentioned that already. They are human beings and they can be wrong. I don't know whether you're completely making up "approximately 76% of asexuals usually end up finding the right person" or whether the "professional therapist" actually said that, but either way, that statistic is complete nonsense. If you believe otherwise, quote me the study. But I know you cannot quote me the study, because no such study has been done. If a professional therapist is quoting you percentage figures on how many asexual people "actually end up finding the right person" in order to invalidate the orientation, they are being extremely irresponsible. Real professionals don't make up numbers to suggest other people are more likely than not to be wrong about themselves.
If you would like to actually know what people who study sexuality say about asexuality, you should do the research before telling other people "my therapist says your feelings are impossible." Start with Anthony Bogaert's work, and then perhaps you'd like to read the asexuality-related papers on asexuality's legitimacy and further study by authors such as Lori Brotto, Kristin Scherrer, Morag Allison Yule, Gail Knudson, Jess Inskip, Katherine Rhodes; Yvonne Erskine, Nicole Prause, Cynthia A. Graham, Lily Hughes, Mark Carrigan, Karli Cerankowski, Megan Milks, CJ DeLuzio Chasin, Eunjung Kim, Breanne Fahs, Ela Przybylo, Dudley L. Poston, Jr., Amanda K. Baumle, Stephanie B. Gazzola, and Melanie A. Morrison. I am naming names here. These are people who SPECIALIZE in sexuality studies who explicitly discuss asexuality without claiming it is "impossible" or "temporary until they find the right person." None of them would dream of pulling a percentage out of the air like you (or your therapist) did.
I'm also not sure why you seem to be conflating asexuality with being SINGLE, because those are not the same thing, but you don't actually seem to know what asexuality is in the first place if you or your therapist or both believe it's all about what we call ourselves until we can get a date. Plenty of asexual people have found romantic partners they are romantically attracted to, but still aren't sexually attracted to them. That's what asexuality is. I think (again) that this troubling ignorance of yours can be cured with education. Google those names I gave you, or ask me for titles, or look at the academic and scientific discussion of asexuality at Asexual Explorations (http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/), Asexuality Studies (http://asexualitystudies.org/), or The Asexual Sexologist (http://asexualsexologist.wordpress.com/).
And since you've already reacted once with the "gosh you're so ANGRY" response, I'll remind you here that a thorough reply to something as ignorant as what you've said to me is not "being angry." In case you did not notice, I have devoted a LOT of time and effort to making asexuality videos to combat misconceptions like the ones you have. It is clearly an issue that matters to me. Do not write to me to accuse me of overreacting or "getting angry" when you clearly believe you have every right to repeatedly comment on my videos and privately message me with ignorant statements designed to invalidate my identity.
Unfortunately, that wasn't all. She didn't reply to this, but what she DID do was go to my other completely unrelated writing channel, find a completely unrelated video on literary criticism, and post this:
Sarah G:
I think thats cool that more asexual people are coming out on youtube. But my doctor told me its something a lot of people get over when they meet the right person thats what I'm confused about, I actually "was" an asexual but not anymore its kinda a choice because you can do what you want have sex with who you want or not have sex with anyone according to my doctor.
But honestly i went about 5 years without being attracted to anyone, then i met the right guy, and eventually the right girl. Im in an open relationship right now. Which is weird considering i didn't want to have sex with anyone 5 years ago now Im open to anything.
So basically Sarah decided she not only needed to repeat her message, but that she ought to go on my writing channel--which doesn't discuss asexuality at all--and start posting bullshit that echoes her previous bullshit. I cannot imagine what possesses these assholes to INVENT reasons to harass asexual people on the Internet.
So I said this to her:
Sarah, I already addressed this with you in the comments on my other video and the private conversation we had. You are not listening at all and you're just repeating everything you already said--everything I already debunked. Stop pretending you're commenting just to say it's "cool" that we're on YouTube, because you're clearly just here to harass me. You do not want to have an actual conversation. Stop being an annoying troll and get a life.
I blocked her on both channels and I hope she just gives up. Given the repeated private messages and the attempt to engage me in inappropriate places, she might be the type to find my other contact info and start harassing me elsewhere, but probably not. I'm so done.
ETA: Yep, she went after me on Twitter since she couldn't comment anymore on YouTube. Oddly enough she is not Sarah G there; she is "Carl Johnson." I don't know either. She tweeted me these two things:
@CarlJoh60950300
@swankivy learn to take criticism i know you think your smarter than everyone but your not, in fact a lot of therapist dnt buy asexual
@swankivy if you can't debate people swank then maybe you should just block all comments to began with...people feel strongly bout asexual
LOL at the concept of me not being able to debate people. Oh gee it must be because I just can't take it or can't defend myself. That or I HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO KEEP HEARING YOUR BULLSHIT WHEN YOU'RE SAYING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER WITHOUT LISTENING TO ME.
I tweeted this:
@CarlJoh60950300 It's not "failing to take criticism" when you won't stop spamming me with "your orientation isn't real." Stop stalking me.
She deleted both tweets, so I deleted my reply. What an ass.
Source: YouTube
Method of Communication: Comments on my videos Asexuality: An Overview and Taking Criticism.
Type(s) of Fail: Asexuality fail, "why are you so angry?"
Result: Blocked (twice)
What you may need to know: Sarah G is probably a giant troll. As you'll see, she went out of her way to comment on an unrelated video with a laughably thin ruse backing up her reason for commenting, so I decided she wasn't worth it.
Sarah G:
My doctor told me being asexual is something most people get over when they meet the right person. I went almost 5 years without being attracted to anyone I was an asexual by definition.
Yes, the same annoying old crap. But unlike most ignorant people, she also took it upon herself to private-message me to continue rambling about how asexuality isn't real because her therapist said so and she was cured.
Sarah G:
H-e-l-l-o swankivy I was an asexual because I didn't want to have sex, but i found out it was because i had ocd and had germ issues my psy told me that being asexual is something most people usually get over and end up falling in love later in life. I was not attracted to anyone from the age of 16-19 but i found a cute guy. . that I found and we have been together since, I think you just never found the right person swankivy, don't stop looking,,,I thought i was a lesbian cuz i wasn't attracted but it is something you get overIm actually a bisexual and like girl too and your cute you will find the right guy or maybe or most likely your gay and will find the right girl. I was kinda freaked out about being attracted to both male and female but it happens. But yeah i was an asexual for some time and it was miserable and lonely but it was something i was. anyone can change anyone.
I've said it before, but it's amazing how much fail people can pack into so few characters. Asexuality is about "not wanting to have sex"! You "got over it" at nineteen after thinking you were asexual for a whole few years! Your therapist must be right that people "get over it" because they're an authority! I need to "keep looking"! I'm cute so I'll find someone! I'm most likely gay actually! Being asexual is "miserable and lonely"! Anyone can change!
Jesus.
I replied with this to her public comment:
Not every therapist is asexual-friendly, obviously. People who professionally study sexuality do recognize its existence as a legitimate sexual orientation. It's very wrong to tell your patients that they'll "get over" their identity; listening to the patient and not being dismissive is very important. As for you, people sometimes have the wrong label or find their sexuality is fluid, and that's fine. It's also not an excuse to assume everyone else will one day change to something else.
And I replied to her private message with this:
What I hear from your story is that you figured out you aren't asexual. When you were still a teenager. Possibly with the help of a psychiatrist. I don't see what that has to do with me. I'll thank you to please never assume your experience is likely to predict someone else's, but you DEFINITELY should never tell people that they aren't qualified to figure out their own feelings.
"You just never found the right person" is a very silly thing to say to me. If someone I met seemed sexually attractive to me, I'd change what I call myself. But that's never happened and I'm 35, so the label I use is "asexual." I'll keep calling myself that until or unless it doesn't fit me anymore. I didn't "decide" not to be attracted to people or close myself off to other experiences. And I am in no way miserable or lonely. So please do not try to convince me that I'm going to change. It's really pointless, because I've made no decision "against" doing so.
She then proceeded to send me three separate private messages in response.
Message 1:
swankivy gosh no need to get mad just saying what a professional therapist told me gosh gee wiz man
Message 2:
Well my therapist told me that approximately 76% of asexuals usually end up finding the right person. So being asexual is extremely rare if not impossible according to my doctor. According to him a lot of asexual just enjoy being single, which i can agree with because i did enjoy it as well. But I really don't wanna tell you the truth I'm just saying
Message 3:
Your a cool chick tho swankivy love u tho lol sorry dude be who you are lol, I'm just a fool here lol
Oh my god. It's "jeez you're overreacting, all I did was invalidate your identity and say you'll get over it, so why are you so ANGRY?" again. ::eyeroll::
I replied, of course.
Regarding "gosh no need to get mad just saying what a professional therapist told me gosh gee wiz man"--I do not know why you think I'm "getting mad" if I answer you.
"Professional therapists" do not necessarily accept asexuality, and I mentioned that already. They are human beings and they can be wrong. I don't know whether you're completely making up "approximately 76% of asexuals usually end up finding the right person" or whether the "professional therapist" actually said that, but either way, that statistic is complete nonsense. If you believe otherwise, quote me the study. But I know you cannot quote me the study, because no such study has been done. If a professional therapist is quoting you percentage figures on how many asexual people "actually end up finding the right person" in order to invalidate the orientation, they are being extremely irresponsible. Real professionals don't make up numbers to suggest other people are more likely than not to be wrong about themselves.
If you would like to actually know what people who study sexuality say about asexuality, you should do the research before telling other people "my therapist says your feelings are impossible." Start with Anthony Bogaert's work, and then perhaps you'd like to read the asexuality-related papers on asexuality's legitimacy and further study by authors such as Lori Brotto, Kristin Scherrer, Morag Allison Yule, Gail Knudson, Jess Inskip, Katherine Rhodes; Yvonne Erskine, Nicole Prause, Cynthia A. Graham, Lily Hughes, Mark Carrigan, Karli Cerankowski, Megan Milks, CJ DeLuzio Chasin, Eunjung Kim, Breanne Fahs, Ela Przybylo, Dudley L. Poston, Jr., Amanda K. Baumle, Stephanie B. Gazzola, and Melanie A. Morrison. I am naming names here. These are people who SPECIALIZE in sexuality studies who explicitly discuss asexuality without claiming it is "impossible" or "temporary until they find the right person." None of them would dream of pulling a percentage out of the air like you (or your therapist) did.
I'm also not sure why you seem to be conflating asexuality with being SINGLE, because those are not the same thing, but you don't actually seem to know what asexuality is in the first place if you or your therapist or both believe it's all about what we call ourselves until we can get a date. Plenty of asexual people have found romantic partners they are romantically attracted to, but still aren't sexually attracted to them. That's what asexuality is. I think (again) that this troubling ignorance of yours can be cured with education. Google those names I gave you, or ask me for titles, or look at the academic and scientific discussion of asexuality at Asexual Explorations (http://www.asexualexplorations.net/home/), Asexuality Studies (http://asexualitystudies.org/), or The Asexual Sexologist (http://asexualsexologist.wordpress.com/).
And since you've already reacted once with the "gosh you're so ANGRY" response, I'll remind you here that a thorough reply to something as ignorant as what you've said to me is not "being angry." In case you did not notice, I have devoted a LOT of time and effort to making asexuality videos to combat misconceptions like the ones you have. It is clearly an issue that matters to me. Do not write to me to accuse me of overreacting or "getting angry" when you clearly believe you have every right to repeatedly comment on my videos and privately message me with ignorant statements designed to invalidate my identity.
Unfortunately, that wasn't all. She didn't reply to this, but what she DID do was go to my other completely unrelated writing channel, find a completely unrelated video on literary criticism, and post this:
Sarah G:
I think thats cool that more asexual people are coming out on youtube. But my doctor told me its something a lot of people get over when they meet the right person thats what I'm confused about, I actually "was" an asexual but not anymore its kinda a choice because you can do what you want have sex with who you want or not have sex with anyone according to my doctor.
But honestly i went about 5 years without being attracted to anyone, then i met the right guy, and eventually the right girl. Im in an open relationship right now. Which is weird considering i didn't want to have sex with anyone 5 years ago now Im open to anything.
So basically Sarah decided she not only needed to repeat her message, but that she ought to go on my writing channel--which doesn't discuss asexuality at all--and start posting bullshit that echoes her previous bullshit. I cannot imagine what possesses these assholes to INVENT reasons to harass asexual people on the Internet.
So I said this to her:
Sarah, I already addressed this with you in the comments on my other video and the private conversation we had. You are not listening at all and you're just repeating everything you already said--everything I already debunked. Stop pretending you're commenting just to say it's "cool" that we're on YouTube, because you're clearly just here to harass me. You do not want to have an actual conversation. Stop being an annoying troll and get a life.
I blocked her on both channels and I hope she just gives up. Given the repeated private messages and the attempt to engage me in inappropriate places, she might be the type to find my other contact info and start harassing me elsewhere, but probably not. I'm so done.
ETA: Yep, she went after me on Twitter since she couldn't comment anymore on YouTube. Oddly enough she is not Sarah G there; she is "Carl Johnson." I don't know either. She tweeted me these two things:
@CarlJoh60950300
@swankivy learn to take criticism i know you think your smarter than everyone but your not, in fact a lot of therapist dnt buy asexual
@swankivy if you can't debate people swank then maybe you should just block all comments to began with...people feel strongly bout asexual
LOL at the concept of me not being able to debate people. Oh gee it must be because I just can't take it or can't defend myself. That or I HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO KEEP HEARING YOUR BULLSHIT WHEN YOU'RE SAYING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER WITHOUT LISTENING TO ME.
I tweeted this:
@CarlJoh60950300 It's not "failing to take criticism" when you won't stop spamming me with "your orientation isn't real." Stop stalking me.
She deleted both tweets, so I deleted my reply. What an ass.