my eyes, my poor, poor eyes...
I am a puffy-eyed mutant.
Yesterday I treated myself to a day of beauty. I got (most of) the orange cut out of my hair and decided to have my eyebrows shaped, to boot. I left the salon feeling super HAWT and cute and then went home. We had dinner, watched an episode of Masters of Horror, and went to bed. Before I went to bed I washed off the mineral-based make-up that Wanda-the-brow-specialist had applied. I remember thinking, wow, that Wanda's really good. Usually my eyes get all red under the eyebrow and stay like that for a few days after I've had a brow waxing (something I do, I'd say, quarterly). But there wasn't any redness at all. I was super impressed. Maybe I'll go back and get a facial some time soon, I thought.
This morning I woke up and couldn't see because my eyelids were so swollen. I can now see out of them, but my lids are like donuts. I took some ibuprofen and put a cold compress on them for about 15 minutes, but they are still super swollen and do not seem to be getting any better.
I would cry, but since my eyes already give me the appearance of an alcoholic housewife who has been up all night crying into a wine box, I am trying to restrain myself. Who knows how my eyes would look if I actually did start crying?
I am praying to GOD that this will be a day-long fluke and that my eyes will be normal tomorrow...
ETA:
I am still a mutant, but less so. My eyes just look puffy now instead of Deliverance-esque. I behaved badly at Student Health today. They canceled my appointment because I arrived five minutes late. I drove an hour and a half for that appointment, and when they told me they were canceling it I just snapped and became that crazy lady who doesn't give a fuck that she is making a scene. And I had my sunglasses on the whole time I was inside because I felt like a mutant.
I went full-on Gloria-Swanson-as-Norma-Desmond-in-Sunset-Boulevard crazy and was emitting crazy vibes all morning. This did me not one whit of good. They made me wait an hour to see a nurse, who told me there was nothing she could do for me. I must have freaked her out with my Janice Eyes (Janice is my mother; blind people have felt her evil eye.) because she prescribed me some Zyrtec, and we parted ways. Then I had to wait for 40 minutes for my prescription, because the surly receptionist at the pharmacy forgot that I was waiting. She did not apologize; she just became more rude. When I got out of Student Health I had a parking ticket for parking outside of Student Health. I have been parking there for SIX YEARS. Now you're suddenly not allowed to park there? They'd ticketed, like, ten people. When I tried to leave campus, they were re-routing traffic because of construction on the 217, and I could not leave. It was really hot. I began to cry. My eyes began to itch like HELLFIRE, which made me cry harder. Finally I got home, took my zyrtec, and passed out on the couch for two hours. Cursed. By. God.
This is why I pray to Frank.
Yesterday I treated myself to a day of beauty. I got (most of) the orange cut out of my hair and decided to have my eyebrows shaped, to boot. I left the salon feeling super HAWT and cute and then went home. We had dinner, watched an episode of Masters of Horror, and went to bed. Before I went to bed I washed off the mineral-based make-up that Wanda-the-brow-specialist had applied. I remember thinking, wow, that Wanda's really good. Usually my eyes get all red under the eyebrow and stay like that for a few days after I've had a brow waxing (something I do, I'd say, quarterly). But there wasn't any redness at all. I was super impressed. Maybe I'll go back and get a facial some time soon, I thought.
This morning I woke up and couldn't see because my eyelids were so swollen. I can now see out of them, but my lids are like donuts. I took some ibuprofen and put a cold compress on them for about 15 minutes, but they are still super swollen and do not seem to be getting any better.
I would cry, but since my eyes already give me the appearance of an alcoholic housewife who has been up all night crying into a wine box, I am trying to restrain myself. Who knows how my eyes would look if I actually did start crying?
I am praying to GOD that this will be a day-long fluke and that my eyes will be normal tomorrow...
ETA:
I am still a mutant, but less so. My eyes just look puffy now instead of Deliverance-esque. I behaved badly at Student Health today. They canceled my appointment because I arrived five minutes late. I drove an hour and a half for that appointment, and when they told me they were canceling it I just snapped and became that crazy lady who doesn't give a fuck that she is making a scene. And I had my sunglasses on the whole time I was inside because I felt like a mutant.
I went full-on Gloria-Swanson-as-Norma-Desmond-in-Sunset-Boulevard crazy and was emitting crazy vibes all morning. This did me not one whit of good. They made me wait an hour to see a nurse, who told me there was nothing she could do for me. I must have freaked her out with my Janice Eyes (Janice is my mother; blind people have felt her evil eye.) because she prescribed me some Zyrtec, and we parted ways. Then I had to wait for 40 minutes for my prescription, because the surly receptionist at the pharmacy forgot that I was waiting. She did not apologize; she just became more rude. When I got out of Student Health I had a parking ticket for parking outside of Student Health. I have been parking there for SIX YEARS. Now you're suddenly not allowed to park there? They'd ticketed, like, ten people. When I tried to leave campus, they were re-routing traffic because of construction on the 217, and I could not leave. It was really hot. I began to cry. My eyes began to itch like HELLFIRE, which made me cry harder. Finally I got home, took my zyrtec, and passed out on the couch for two hours. Cursed. By. God.
This is why I pray to Frank.