Life has been so good to me lately. I used to wake up every morning and ask myself "why?" but now my life has purpose. Sharing my love with every person I meet is what I was meant to do on this earth. Finding and accepting my genuine self has been the best thing to happen to me. I feel more confident, I feel happy, I want to go out and meet new people and make those lasting connections. I want to live a beautiful life
Being on my own really set me straight, a string of really bad breakups led me to believe I would never be good enough for anyone and that I would always have to change myself to some degree to be accepted by another person. Although at the time I felt as if I was in love, I now know that I was not and that it was infatuation that covered my eyes and led me blindly down the wrong paths. Thinking back to the things I sacrificed for this so called "love" my gut reaction is to feel anger towards those silly boys but I can only express my gratitude to them for showing me the light. Because of them I learned exactly what an abusive relationship is, I learned exactly what an apathetically inclined person does and how a drug addict behaves. I learned that I am better than all those things and that I deserve the ideal in my head. I deserve someone to explore the world with, someone to share the beauty in life with. Someone to love unconditionally and someone who will do the same for me. Someone who accepts me as a whole person and loves my faults because they're part of me. Someone who smiles when he see's me, someone who's eyes I can look into and see my entire future. I started to believe I deserved this person and before you know it he showed up on my doorstep.
I half expected him to show up with pink hair, the way he had it when I last saw him months ago. I would be there in my shop, wiping down counters or stocking the chocolate case and like some kind of clockwork I'd look out the window and see him walking from the garage to his restaurant and my eyes would follow, across four sets of windows and my heart would flutter. "MOES BOY!" I would yell and all the girls gathered around to make eyes at him.
When he knocked at my door and I peeked through the curtain I saw this tall, blonde haired blue-eyed boy waving hello, I almost burst into a million little hearts and floated away. He met my mama, shook her hand and smiled and we hopped on our bikes and rode downtown, chatting and laughing the whole way. We rode over the Ohio river and fireworks set off above the city skyline and I looked his way and felt electricity up my spine. We had dinner at Arnold's, pasta and chicken outside in the courtyard under the stars. A little Irish folk band played on the front porch and the Christmas lights in the trees made everything feel just right. Finally we rode around along the river and looked at some public sculptures and kept saying the same things at the same time. I hugged him good night and layed in bed smiling for hours.
On our second date, Zach and I tried to hike at the lake but construction on the road left us stuck in parking lot, so with a bottle of Woodford Reserve and a couple of cups of lemonade we jumped down into a creek bed and explored the underside of rocks, little hollowed tree forts and each other. We took shelter under a little grove of bushes and the rain poured down on top of them while we huddled together under my blanket.
We went to Clifton to visit his friends the next time we hung out.
And one day we finally took our epic hike around the lake after eating at the Dari-bar in Silver Grove and watching all the vintage cars roll around the parking lot. I pointed to the mint green milkshake machine and at the same time we said "I would really like to have a 50's kitchen" AH!
And last night we went to the Starlite Drive in theater
and shared a bottle of Sailor Jerry's spiced rum, a tray of nachos and our feelings for each other. I layed his head in my lap and brushed his hair with my fingers and told him that this was forever.
My heart is ready to burst but I am keeping it inside and I'm going to use this fulfill my life's purpose. My mama isn't feeling well today so I am going to clean the house top to bottom, I wanted to write this to revisit some images and motivate myself to complete my checklist for her! I am so over the moon happy and nothing will ever bring me down again