Besides, what would I say if I had you on the line?
So I met this boy named Lorenzo. TA and Amber actually wanted to hook us up like a year ago when they first got back together. I'm suspecting it had something to do with TA's mom convincing Amber that I was tryna steal her boyfriend. AHAHAHAHA. Bitch please! The only person your boyfriend has EVER cheated on you with is ME. But, in all honesty, back then I really was trying to steal him back. Because you pretty much stole him from me you fucking whore. But it's all good because I know that if you weren't such a dumbclingy depressive slut he wouldn't even be with you right now. I'm not even saying that he would be with me right now. But he obviously doesn't even really like you but every time he tries to end it you fucking freak out and act like you can't live without him. I know it's hard, honey, believe me. But it's definitely possible. But it sucks that my best friend is stuck in a relationship because he doesn't want to hurt her.
So I finally got a chance to finish this post....he has been avoiding her phone calls and texts for the past two days. She even called my phone. I really fucking hate it when his parents/girlfriend/his fucking boss calls me to see where he is at. It happens quite frequently and it's really annoying. I'm sorry, but if he is ignoring you I cannot MAKE him speak to you. Take a fucking hint! So yeah...tonight while we were having pillow talk or what the fuck ever it is I asked him why he's been avoiding her. "I don't know." "...you don't know..." "yeah...idk..." then he finally admitted that he just doesn't want a girlfriend right now. DUH! Dude, it's ME. I already know this shit. I know you much better than you give me credit for. That's what happens when you hang out with a person all day every day. One time he told me he didn't think he was boyfriend material. Okay. But he also refuses to have one night stands...I mean so you don't want to be in a relationship and you don't want to have casual sex. I'm sorry but as a human being, I need sex. Masturbation really just isn't cutting it anymore. FOR REAL. I just don't get it. So you don't need sex? How about you stop repressing your fucking feelings and trying to please everyone but yourself? Anyway, so I was like, "okay. if you do break up with her, please don't get back together with her unless YOU want to. don't do it because she wants you to." He is acting like it is gonna be so final this time and it's sooo funny. I called him on that bullshit and he got so fucking defensive. "Everyone is always all up in our relationship." That's when I was like "HOLD THE FUCK UP. EVERYONE BUT ME I HAVE NEVER BEEN ALL UP IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOU KNOW THAT'S FUCKING TRUE" because I haven't. Why would I? There's a reason we don't talk about your relationship with her man. It's the same reason I don't really care to know anything about any of the other girls you "talk to."
TA also alluded to the fact that soon we are gonna be spending a lot less time together. I actually sort of believe this. But I take it with a grain of salt, because every other time he has said this or that it has always been a motherfucking lie. But that is fine dude. Because guess fucking what. I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE!
Okay so back to the original point of this post...Lorenzo. He just turned 20 years old. He is Mexican. He lives in Wilson. And I'm falling for him. Hard. TA may have a stranglehold on my heart but I will be damned if I don't try my hardest to pry enough of his fingers off it so that I can at least give a big enough piece of it to Lorenzo. Because this kid is fucking down for me like nobody has ever been. I don't even really know what to do. It's crazy. He works at cook-out in Wilson (mmm right?) so I went up there for our first date. Yeah. We officially made it a date lmfao. I got there right when he got off so we got something to eat and sat down and talked for a little while. Surprisingly, I was really feeling him. Surprising because I am very picky when it comes to boys. So...then we went to best buy or whatever because I wanted to look for a game or something. I mean really we just needed somewhere else to go haha. Then we ended up heading back to Rocky Mount because TA wanted to watch the championship game and get something to eat, so we went to Chico's. LMFAO the only reason TA brought his gf was that Lorenzo wanted to see her. Really, man? I mean come on. Bring her along for the double date, please. Lorenzo is her friend. I got a Gulp of Mexico OMG it's a 44oz margarita. I got it frozen peach with sugar, top II. And it's only $13!!!
But yeah, idk it was just one of the best days of my life. It felt like a part of my soul came back to life. Or something cheesy like that. But really, that's how I felt. Idk man let's just say I sleep a little easier at night knowing that someone really wants ME. Someone likes me for who I am. Because honestly, I've never been able to believe that 100%. There has always been some doubt in my mind with the other guys. And I finally got to get fiesta fajitas (they are fajitas for two and NOBODY will ever get them with me). So yeah. I had a really awesome night too. I ended up getting a little too drunk. And Lorenzo was all about making out with me. He has the most perfect lips ever, I swear. So before we ended up meeting with the others we were in my hotel room hanging out and we were on the bed looking at facebook or something on my laptop and I grabbed his hand because I love hands. And then he kissed me. I mean I really honestly was not planning on kissing him. But it just happened. It was supposed to. Oh yeah. So he ended up staying with me and TA at our hotel room lmfao. So it was us three in the bed. We definitely fooled around with TA right beside us. I know he had to have been awake. But I don't give a fuck because for the first time in my life I was the one that was able to make out and fondle someone in front of him, while in the same damn bed. He's done that shit to me multiple times so I have no remorse whatsoever. The best thing about him being there though was that his presence stopped us from having sex. There's just no way I could do that in the same bed with him. I'm not that inconsiderate.
There's this other boy that likes me now too. Isn't it so funny how once you start talking to someone everyone wants to try to get with you? This other boy isn't as hot as Lorenzo and I definitely don't think he is as sweet. But he likes me too. I am seriously thinking about giving him a chance. Because you never know, right? I actually do have more things in common I think with this other kid. But he's 18 and doesn't even have his license (and omg he failed for the 3rd time today)...idk 18 is just really really young. When I was 18 I was so naive. I knew absolutely nothing, but I thought I knew everything. For the first time in my life I have multiple guys that want me. Wtf. I never thought this shit would happen. But yeah, idk all I can think of right now is Lorenzo...so Shawn probably won't get a chance. Ummm...anyway I have another date with Lorenzo tomorrow. I'm really excited. We're gonna go see Insidious then he is gonna spend the night with me in my hotel room. and umm idk we're probably gonna have sex and it's gonna be amazing. Also, me and these other boys are definitely making TA jealous, and I love it. I relish it. I see it in his eyes and I hear it in his voice. He claims he don't give a fuck. Yeah, right. But I'm sorry. I can't wait for you forever. I told you once that I would. But I'm sorry. That was so long ago. Everything is different now. I don't wanna hurt you or make you jealous, but maybe this is what we need. Maybe you need to see me with someone else for a while for you to realize just how much I mean to you. We've been through so much but maybe we're actually better off just being best friends. I almost lost that friendship, more than a couple of times, and I didn't know what I was gonna do with myself. So yeah, maybe we should just hold onto that. But even as I type this shit I know in my heart that if he ever came back for me, if he ever wanted me again I would drop whoever it is I was seeing without a second fucking thought. Because you were my first, boy. My first everything and you always will be. A part of me will always be in love with you, and you know it just as well as I do.
So for the first time in my life I might actually be in a ~real~ relationship with someone. Not one that I have to hide or anything like that. His parents even know he's gay. How awesome is that!? Even if I'm not really making progress in any other areas in my life right now, at least I'm making progress at this. And this makes me immensely happy. I hope to God that I do not fuck this shit up. I always fuck everything else up. Please not this.
So I finally got a chance to finish this post....he has been avoiding her phone calls and texts for the past two days. She even called my phone. I really fucking hate it when his parents/girlfriend/his fucking boss calls me to see where he is at. It happens quite frequently and it's really annoying. I'm sorry, but if he is ignoring you I cannot MAKE him speak to you. Take a fucking hint! So yeah...tonight while we were having pillow talk or what the fuck ever it is I asked him why he's been avoiding her. "I don't know." "...you don't know..." "yeah...idk..." then he finally admitted that he just doesn't want a girlfriend right now. DUH! Dude, it's ME. I already know this shit. I know you much better than you give me credit for. That's what happens when you hang out with a person all day every day. One time he told me he didn't think he was boyfriend material. Okay. But he also refuses to have one night stands...I mean so you don't want to be in a relationship and you don't want to have casual sex. I'm sorry but as a human being, I need sex. Masturbation really just isn't cutting it anymore. FOR REAL. I just don't get it. So you don't need sex? How about you stop repressing your fucking feelings and trying to please everyone but yourself? Anyway, so I was like, "okay. if you do break up with her, please don't get back together with her unless YOU want to. don't do it because she wants you to." He is acting like it is gonna be so final this time and it's sooo funny. I called him on that bullshit and he got so fucking defensive. "Everyone is always all up in our relationship." That's when I was like "HOLD THE FUCK UP. EVERYONE BUT ME I HAVE NEVER BEEN ALL UP IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOU KNOW THAT'S FUCKING TRUE" because I haven't. Why would I? There's a reason we don't talk about your relationship with her man. It's the same reason I don't really care to know anything about any of the other girls you "talk to."
TA also alluded to the fact that soon we are gonna be spending a lot less time together. I actually sort of believe this. But I take it with a grain of salt, because every other time he has said this or that it has always been a motherfucking lie. But that is fine dude. Because guess fucking what. I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE!
Okay so back to the original point of this post...Lorenzo. He just turned 20 years old. He is Mexican. He lives in Wilson. And I'm falling for him. Hard. TA may have a stranglehold on my heart but I will be damned if I don't try my hardest to pry enough of his fingers off it so that I can at least give a big enough piece of it to Lorenzo. Because this kid is fucking down for me like nobody has ever been. I don't even really know what to do. It's crazy. He works at cook-out in Wilson (mmm right?) so I went up there for our first date. Yeah. We officially made it a date lmfao. I got there right when he got off so we got something to eat and sat down and talked for a little while. Surprisingly, I was really feeling him. Surprising because I am very picky when it comes to boys. So...then we went to best buy or whatever because I wanted to look for a game or something. I mean really we just needed somewhere else to go haha. Then we ended up heading back to Rocky Mount because TA wanted to watch the championship game and get something to eat, so we went to Chico's. LMFAO the only reason TA brought his gf was that Lorenzo wanted to see her. Really, man? I mean come on. Bring her along for the double date, please. Lorenzo is her friend. I got a Gulp of Mexico OMG it's a 44oz margarita. I got it frozen peach with sugar, top II. And it's only $13!!!
But yeah, idk it was just one of the best days of my life. It felt like a part of my soul came back to life. Or something cheesy like that. But really, that's how I felt. Idk man let's just say I sleep a little easier at night knowing that someone really wants ME. Someone likes me for who I am. Because honestly, I've never been able to believe that 100%. There has always been some doubt in my mind with the other guys. And I finally got to get fiesta fajitas (they are fajitas for two and NOBODY will ever get them with me). So yeah. I had a really awesome night too. I ended up getting a little too drunk. And Lorenzo was all about making out with me. He has the most perfect lips ever, I swear. So before we ended up meeting with the others we were in my hotel room hanging out and we were on the bed looking at facebook or something on my laptop and I grabbed his hand because I love hands. And then he kissed me. I mean I really honestly was not planning on kissing him. But it just happened. It was supposed to. Oh yeah. So he ended up staying with me and TA at our hotel room lmfao. So it was us three in the bed. We definitely fooled around with TA right beside us. I know he had to have been awake. But I don't give a fuck because for the first time in my life I was the one that was able to make out and fondle someone in front of him, while in the same damn bed. He's done that shit to me multiple times so I have no remorse whatsoever. The best thing about him being there though was that his presence stopped us from having sex. There's just no way I could do that in the same bed with him. I'm not that inconsiderate.
There's this other boy that likes me now too. Isn't it so funny how once you start talking to someone everyone wants to try to get with you? This other boy isn't as hot as Lorenzo and I definitely don't think he is as sweet. But he likes me too. I am seriously thinking about giving him a chance. Because you never know, right? I actually do have more things in common I think with this other kid. But he's 18 and doesn't even have his license (and omg he failed for the 3rd time today)...idk 18 is just really really young. When I was 18 I was so naive. I knew absolutely nothing, but I thought I knew everything. For the first time in my life I have multiple guys that want me. Wtf. I never thought this shit would happen. But yeah, idk all I can think of right now is Lorenzo...so Shawn probably won't get a chance. Ummm...anyway I have another date with Lorenzo tomorrow. I'm really excited. We're gonna go see Insidious then he is gonna spend the night with me in my hotel room. and umm idk we're probably gonna have sex and it's gonna be amazing. Also, me and these other boys are definitely making TA jealous, and I love it. I relish it. I see it in his eyes and I hear it in his voice. He claims he don't give a fuck. Yeah, right. But I'm sorry. I can't wait for you forever. I told you once that I would. But I'm sorry. That was so long ago. Everything is different now. I don't wanna hurt you or make you jealous, but maybe this is what we need. Maybe you need to see me with someone else for a while for you to realize just how much I mean to you. We've been through so much but maybe we're actually better off just being best friends. I almost lost that friendship, more than a couple of times, and I didn't know what I was gonna do with myself. So yeah, maybe we should just hold onto that. But even as I type this shit I know in my heart that if he ever came back for me, if he ever wanted me again I would drop whoever it is I was seeing without a second fucking thought. Because you were my first, boy. My first everything and you always will be. A part of me will always be in love with you, and you know it just as well as I do.
So for the first time in my life I might actually be in a ~real~ relationship with someone. Not one that I have to hide or anything like that. His parents even know he's gay. How awesome is that!? Even if I'm not really making progress in any other areas in my life right now, at least I'm making progress at this. And this makes me immensely happy. I hope to God that I do not fuck this shit up. I always fuck everything else up. Please not this.