Christmas Caught Me By Surprise....
I've been so busy this year that I never saw Christmas coming.... this is so unlike me. Ask any of my closest friends and they'll tell you I'm usually the first to be done with both my shopping and wrapping, I am usually frickin Santa Claus, I make Christmas cookies and write out multitudes of cards, I sing Christmas songs, I am usually a cheesy, sappy, dork when it comes to the holidays but not this year. This year I actually uttered the words, "Fuck Christmas." I know! What a turn of events! I dropped an F bomb on my most favorite time of year. That's how stressed out and preoccupied I've been. Between work, school, scrounging up money, wasting money on myself, being depressed about stupid crap in my life..... I lost sight of what the holidays are truly about. I did something else I've never done before this holiday. I went to the mall 2 days before Christmas! It's insane in case you haven't been. Everyone is running around like crazy with huge shopping bags, customers are bitching about long lines, employees are bitching about bitchy customers, kids are crying in the line to see Santa, everyone has their own little shopping frenzy going on...and I was just part of the maddness. I had my list, I was ignoring everyone around me, I was bumped around and I bumped people back, I rolled my eyes at the 1/2 hour lines wrapped around the stores... I didn't realize how caught up in it all I really was until a guy at one of those random stands in the middle of everything said, "Hey, smile! It's Christmas!" I laughed it off and gave a fake smile and went on my way but he really made me stop and think. He's right. I need to smile! Everything will get done eventually. I finished my shopping (thank God), I will wrap the rest of my gifts after I finish writing this, I will get everyone their gifts sooner or later, work will be tolerable tomorrow if I make it so, I just have to wipe off this Scrooge-like attitude. All this time I've done the exact opposite of what you're supposed to do this time of year.... worry about myself. I've been so caught up by the commercialism, so overwhelmed with what I should get everyone, so annoyed by people who hate the world and make you want to hate it too, so miserable that I almost missed Christmas completely. I could keep saying "Fuck Christmas" but what's next after I take up that attitude? Fuck Life? I don't think so. That's not me. I've been a little more angry and sad than usual and it's taken a toll on me but I refuse to let everything be ruined by my own problems. I want to have fun and enjoy myself tomorrow and Sunday and I hope you all do the same. Merry Christmas everyone! Even if you still hate Christmas, that's ok, but just remember a simple lesson I was reminded of today, "Just smile!" :)